What Should I do?

[desperado122]

Okay, so I am 19 years old and my boyfriend is 20. I have been dating my boyfriend now for two years and it is a serious relationship. We have had the talk about wanting to get married, picked out the location, even talked about kids. Suddenly, two weeks ago, he tells me that he doesn't know what he wants from the future and that he can't predict the future. He broke up with me because he "needed to find his own happiness". I was devastated. Two days later, he tells me that he made a mistake and that he wants to be with me, but that I will have to take it slow with him and understand that he won't be acting like himself for a while (he has had previous depression episodes). I told him this is fine, because I love him unconditionally. However, I have now been having anxieties that he is going to leave me again, and now he doesn't know if he wants to get married. And I know for a fact that I do eventually, and that I want kids. I think it's a deal breaker. I have tried to talk to him about this, but he says that he loves me and that should be enough and that he wants to be with me a long time (a change from him saying he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life). I don't know what to do. I just want everything to go back to normal. Is he losing interest in me? Should I wait and see what happens and support him during this time? Is he just too young and this is normal behavior? I need help.

[smackie09]

This is quite normal.

I believe he is wondering "what else is out there". He does love you, but is very torn about missing out on having other experiences before settling down to a forever marriage and kids.

I'm an old gal so take it from me : Being so young you shouldn't be planning your wedding, you should be planning trips, career, make new friends...you know getting a life going as an individual. You have plenty of years ahead of you to be finding a man to settle down with. You are young only once, and there is more to life than getting married and having babies at 19/22 years old.

[GLYC]

I agree, you're both quite young. I don't know a single couple that got married at that age that still are together. I'm not saying it's not possible. But the people I knew were dating since they were quite young, maybe at 15. Probably got married at around 21 as well.

However, there's so much more to experience, I agree. I would put it off until your lives develop a bit more. Careers, etc. Not saying a person has to be in a perfect situation to get married. But it is wise to not rush things.

My brother has one of the best marriages I've ever seen. He has been dating his wife since he was probably 15. He got married at 25.

I really agree with the previous poster that there's so much more to life when you're young.

[DalM0m]

Hold your horses for a bit longer. You are a bit young for the marry me or else ultimatums. Wouldn't you like to be able to legally toast your own nuptials with a glass of champagne? That can't happen if you marry before 21.

Tell him you love him but you are willing to table discussions about marriage & kids until you are both more financially stable.

[CassieShsnnon]

I watched my niece go through something very similar just last year. She and her bf started dating and became serious quickly. They made plans for the future but soon he broke things off and told her he was uncertain. She took him back, however from then on he seemed to be only stringing her along. She, like yourself, loved him unconditionally but as time proved he wasn't interested in forever. My niece and her bf dated for almost 3 years before it finally ended. At 19 maybe you should take a step back and give both of you room. Honestly, he could be scared at the prospect of what marriage means...the responsibility. I would suggest you take the bold move to separate for a time and see where life takes you. You are too young to be living with anxiety. Life has so much to offer and believe me when the time comes for marriage it will be a joy!