Girlfriend trust issue

[Skoystah]

I've been living with my (former long distance) girlfriend for over 8 months now. I described my whole situation in another post. I went through kind of a crisis, which has settled down for a bit now. However, another matter has arisen.

My girlfriend says she wants to go abroad, to work for 1-2 months in summer. She's still studying and wants to make some money. However the money a student can earn in Poland is ridiculous (lets say less than 200 euro / month atm?). Therefor she wants to go to Sweden, because there also lives a (male) friend of hers (and also of me). Now there arises the problem.

I know she's very close with him (she says as friends), and I know he used to be in love with her (or still is?). Before I moved here, he visited here a few times in the weekend. I was always extremely jealous then.

Anyway the point is, I don't feel like I want this, I don't know whether I can trust her. You see, before I moved here, she told me she cheated on me with her ex-bf. However, recently she told me she was lying about that, cos she only wanted to hurt me, so she made it up. I told her then I believe her. But I'm also saying that doesnt mean i completely trust her again just like that.

So the classic 'can I trust her or not' situation. Somehow the thought of her being at another guy's appartment for 2 months doesn't quite comfort me. For her it's already a settled case though, she keeps saying she's going for sure. She also seems to feel offended I don't trust her completely, saying she didnt do anything wrong!

What's the good way out of this. It's not that I don't want her to earn some money. I suggested she go to Belgium (my country), and earn many moneys there, but this she doesnt really want, cos she'd be 'bored' there, cos she doesnt know anybody.

[Tiay]

hm, going to a country where you don't know anyone is the very opposite of boring. But, then she'd have to pay rent, whereas this other guy will put her up for free, so, if she's after money that is a definite plus.

look, it seems like she's decided to go even if she loses you by going, right? So all you have to do is decide if you feel you can trust her. which is easier said than done..

[Skoystah]

For her it is, cos's she's not the most social person, and she cant stand being alone. She wouldn't have to pay rent cos she could stay at my parents house.

I rly dunno if I can trust her. Sure she says 'why dont you trust me, im not gonna do anything'. But I can imagine how it goes.

[Gigabitch]

Well, in Belgium, she would know YOU, wouldn't she? And let me guess, you're not invited to Sweden.

I don't know why you would trust someone that "made up" a cheating story to hurt you.

[Skoystah]

Well she wouldn't. I'm not living in Belgium anymore, and I would be welcome in Sweden, but I have something like a job going on here...

[GemStar]

So the classic 'can I trust her or not' situation. Somehow the thought of her being at another guy's appartment for 2 months doesn't quite comfort me. For her it's already a settled case though, she keeps saying she's going for sure. She also seems to feel offended I don't trust her completely, saying she didnt do anything wrong!

Man, this has NOTHING to do with trust and EVERYTHING to do with RESPECT. Or really DISRESPECT. I feel like her doing this is like a slap to your face, whether her intentions are good or not. That's not even the freaking point. I would be SO f***ing not cool with my GF doing this that she would either never hear the end of it or I'd dump her on the spot. Seriously.. That's how mad I would be.

I'm not saying you should react like this or get yourself upset... But this is plain disrespect. Believe me, NO ONE would want their partner to do this, no matter how much trust there is. It's just inappropriate. I think you should tell her exactly that. Be cool and never be the one to raise your voice, if such would occur. Don't let anything make you be anything other than cool. But.... Man... That is definitely not right.

PLEASE NOTE THE FOLLOWING:

For her it is, cos's she's not the most social person, and she cant stand being alone. She wouldn't have to pay rent cos she could stay at my parents house.

I guess can you clarify-- Would she be staying at this guy's house or your parents house? Cause my previous response was based off of you saying she would be at the guy's apartment "for 2 months straight." I don't want you to get all crazy about it for the wrong reason or because I came to the wrong conclusion.

[Skoystah]

Let me clarify then. I lived in Belgium, and now I'm living with her in Poland. That friend is living in Sweden. She wants to go in Sweden and stay at his place, I suggest she stay at my parents place in Belgium and work there.

Anyway, she keeps saying "Omg I can't believe you don't trust me. I never did anything wrong, I was only 'saying' I cheated on you." It did take her like more than half a year to say she was only saying it (if thats true ofc), and in the meantime she pulled the ex-bf card several times to hurt me. How can she expect me to completely trust her then? She seems to think if you love a person you automatically trust that person. Doesn't Just like she puts loving a person equal to wanting to marry that person! I try to explain this to her, but she seems convinced of her being right, acting like I don't know shit about it. Sigh, why does it have to be so complicated : / I know relationships are not easy (some easier than others), and that compromises must be made all the time. But there's limits to that aren't there .. even if you love a person.

[Lipp]

It should've been fun if the guy's place has more people than just him living there, reduces the chances of anything happening whether it is intended or not.

But really, if you've said that you're bothered about it and she still wants to go, well, it's not as if you can restrain her. What would your impression be of the guy? Does he have a girlfriend already? Things like his relationship status, looks, living situation e.t.c affects the risk.

Anyways, essentially you let her go and see what happens when she gets back, or you have to take this as a deal-breaker.