A flirt or interested?

[BrokenPieces]

There's a guy I work with that I've become interested in, and he seems interested too, but...I'm not sure. He had a girlfriend a while back and when he got in a relationship with her he stopped talking to me as much, limited eye contact, etc. Then I noticed him being more friendly again recently, and found out they broke up. (I've been a bit careful since he's probably in rebound right now..) He does things like:

*Say "Good job, (name), good job" over little things, like sweeping up something on the floor, etc. One time I was setting up the private dining room for a group the next day and he was sweeping the main restaurant, and he poked his head in on his way past to say that, then a few minutes later he came in to plug in the vacuum and said that again, then he walked over to me and started making conversation.

*Every time he walks past me, no matter how much space there is, he always brushes his shoulder against mine or comes close to it.

*He rarely talks to me if anyone else is present.

*Jokes around a lot so we end up bantering back and forth. One time I came into work a day I wasn't put on the schedule without meaning to, and he kept saying, "Man, (name), I can't believe it. Coming in on the wrong day..." I just looked at him and hit him with a rag I was holding, and he then chuckled and said he was just kidding.

*He came up to me recently half smiling and said "You don't have a boyfriend?" Now, the way he said it implied he knew I didn't, which he probably picked up on because last time we worked together a girl working with us ran up to me while he was present saying there were some "really cute guy customers that came in" and that I should go out front and "do my thing". Anyway, I told him I didn't have a bf, and he asked why not. I was debating how to respond, so I paused, and he said "No reason?" and I said "Yeah," and jokingly added "there must be something wrong with me". It ended there because our boss called him over for something.


On the other hand, he can be moody. There are times he isn't very friendly unless I put effort into it. And some days all we say to each other is hi and bye. So is he just a bit of a flirt or is he actually interested? He can be flirty with a couple other girls too, not just me, which is what makes me wonder. He usually does initiate interaction, so I've been trying to initiate more myself to give him the idea I am interested. I don't want to flat out say so, so I'm trying a more subtle approach to tip him off, but I'm more or less new to flirting...so any advice on how to do so would also be appreciated.

[MadKat]

You're not describing me, are you??!?!?!?

I would say, since he broke up, he flirt around. He act like John Rambo now with unlimited ammo just hit blindly, then only counts the kill. or...wad am i saying...
blah!

[Tedel]

*He rarely talks to me if anyone else is present.

From this, he's interested, but, honestly, I really discourage you to messing up with people you work with. That doesn't always ends up fine.

My two cents.

[BrokenPieces]

I know...two of my coworkers were in a relationship and broke up recently, and it's been really awkward between them. Yet I hate to automatically dismiss any guys I meet through work just because of that because that's the main network I've been meeting guys through lately.

Since I do work with him though I don't want to do anything stupid and have it backfire since I would have to put up with being around him...Ugh. This is why I've been careful with the situation, and have been trying to figure out his level of interest before I try too much...

[Tedel]

Well, the other option is that you can build something nice between you two.

Start as friends and see where that leads to, give yourself the chance if you wish... but, get ready to quit and look for another job if the relationship becomes successful. It is the best policy... and, based on my own experience, it is a very good idea.

[lemonade69]

Broken Pieces: He rarely talks to me if anyone else is present

Tedel: From this, he's interested

This is interesting, why is that?

[ExpoNovak]

You're gonna hate me, but I don't think he's interested. I know his type I used to be it. The reason he doesn't talk to you when other people are around is because there is no need to. There is no need for "filler sound" so to speak. He's comfortable around others and thus has no problem filling a silence by chattering and mild flirting--but this only means that an awkward silence would be unacceptable to him--not that you are his dream girl. He treats all of the girls he works with similar, I bet. It's easy to not notice this while trying to single out his behavior toward you and psychoanalyze every tiny thing he says to a breaking point.

This doesn't mean that you can't make him interested in you. Turn "flirty/giggly/hit you with a rag" into an actual conversation a few times and you'll set yourself apart from the masses. Just make sure that in your pursuit of this guy that you don't ignore the other opportunities around you.

[boobaa]

He likes you, yes.

About the moods. Women really need to understand that men have periods also, because every being has a biological watch. He doesn't always talk to you, because he isn't having a good day (according to chinese statistics, this is somewhere after between every 23. and 25. day), also, maybe he is waiting for a sign from you.

[BrokenPieces]

You're gonna hate me, but I don't think he's interested. I know his type I used to be it. The reason he doesn't talk to you when other people are around is because there is no need to. There is no need for "filler sound" so to speak. He's comfortable around others and thus has no problem filling a silence by chattering and mild flirting--but this only means that an awkward silence would be unacceptable to him--not that you are his dream girl. He treats all of the girls he works with similar, I bet. It's easy to not notice this while trying to single out his behavior toward you and psychoanalyze every tiny thing he says to a breaking point.

This doesn't mean that you can't make him interested in you. Turn "flirty/giggly/hit you with a rag" into an actual conversation a few times and you'll set yourself apart from the masses. Just make sure that in your pursuit of this guy that you don't ignore the other opportunities around you.

I've been wondering that actually, if he just talks to me alone as "filler sound", as it were...which you're probably right on, I think he finds silence awkward. (I'm the same way) I do find it odd that he would walk up to me and ask if I had a boyfriend if he wasn't interested though...But in any event, I'll do as you suggest. We actually had a really good conversation while we were on break today, so that much is good.

He likes you, yes.

About the moods. Women really need to understand that men have periods also, because every being has a biological watch. He doesn't always talk to you, because he isn't having a good day (according to chinese statistics, this is somewhere after between every 23. and 25. day), also, maybe he is waiting for a sign from you.

Yeah, I've noticed he gets frustrated or down pretty easily, usually if I initiate with him when he's like that he'll get friendlier. That is interesting on the Chinese statistics...

[Tedel]

This is interesting, why is that?

As I see it, or at least as it happens in Peru, if a man doesn't want to talk to you when there are 'witnesses', it is because he is infatuated and he doesn't want to be discovered.

Hope this helps.

[BrokenPieces]

Well, this is going to be a slow process. I've been trying harder and have had several good conversations with him, but it feels like I'm getting somewhere one day and back to where I was the next. (partly because I only work with him once or twice a week and we often don't work in the same area, so we don't even have much contact with each other some days.)

Though through talking to him he sometimes refers to things I've said or done, (always in an amused way) even if it was several months back I said/did something. And I find he can be very open about himself with me; what he's trying to get better at, what his feelings are on something, what goes on in his life, etc. Lately he's also been purpously mispronouncing my name sometimes.

So I dunno, I really want something to work with this, but I never know if he's trying to give me little signs he likes me or if he really doesn't mean anything by it...which makes it discouraging sometimes.

[boobaa]

Ok, girls. Guys can be cold sometimes, and that is mostly because girls don't give clear signs to them. In this particular case, brokenpieces probably doesn't give him enough signs because the boy isn't giving her enough signs... duh, because both of you are on the wondering stage. One of you needs to take a step. Why not suggest him to go have a coffe with you or something. Whats the worst thing that can happen? As a guy, I am quite shure he likes you.

[lemonade69]

that's ****ing bullshit (sorry). as if guys don't give 'unclear' signals. sometimes they become cold when you DO give clear signals. i think it's this sick power trip thing or something.

brokenpieces, if he flirts with other girls, i think maybe you shouldn't waste your time. if you do get with him, can you be sure he'll stop flirting? i'm kinda in the same situation, and when you weigh up all the pros and cons of the situation, you can kinda see it's not worth it.

and purposefully mispronouncing your name? who has time for those games?? this guy sounds really insecure.

ohh and i know what you mean by th trying to have a conversation thing..sometimes it feels like you're the only one trying........

[Ekips]

A flirt. Take 'em up on it anyway. You've got nothing to lose.

[lemonade69]

i think she does. what if she's serious about him but he's not serious about her? she has everything to lose.