In love with my best friend, bizarre incidents. What is going on?

[Marine]

I have been in love with the same man for 4 years. It's something I have discussed with him on occasion. He began dating someone a year or so ago, maybe longer, so I have desperately tried to not count on him for things I used to. Emotionally, of course. We've never been physical with each other. We almost did. When he canceled the "meeting" abruptly I was crushed. He later explained that all he wanted at that point in his life was sex, and with me, there would have been feelings involved for him and he didn't want that, and he didn't want to hurt me.

After awhile, I started hearing from people that he had acquired a new girlfriend. He sought me out to tell me he didn't have one, and if he did, he would tell me. Come to find out, he did. So he lied.

I pushed him away. I ended our friendship for about a month (felt like a year) because it just hurt too bad to be his friend. It hurt him badly that I did that. We worked it out, I became okay with his relationship and even supportive. I've only recently heard that during my absence from our friendship he cheated on his girlfriend with MY best friend at the time, whom he told I was one of his closest friends. What does that even mean?

Anyway, recently something was reignited in me like fire. We talk every day. He doesn't talk about his personal feelings a lot, so when he opens up to me I'm completely amazed. He said I know 99% more about him than most people. We laugh A LOT. He's told me recently that he's not sleeping with anyone. Should I interpret that as "at all" or just "not with your crazy manipulative ex friend, in case you hear anything?" I don't feel okay about asking if he's still with his girlfriend. I have never felt afraid to chew him out for whatever I feel he's done wrong, but now I am.

At the very least, please someone reassure me I'm not crazy for having so much in my heart for another person.

I can't see my hand in front of my face right now so I need sound guidance. If something is happening between us, I'm trying very hard to not demand too much from him right away. But, *is* something happening? Is he using me? If I need to walk away, how do I do that without hurting him, but protecting myself? I had a job interview this week after months of unemployment. I told him I was scared, and it's hard to walk away from someone whose reply to that is "I have all the faith in you in the world."

[LAtoJapan]

I think it is ok to be friends with him as you 2 have a history but DO NOT try to get involved with him physically. All it will do is tear you up if he is sleeping with you and another girl at the same time. Once a cheater, always a cheater in my eyes. Plus I think you need to get out more and meet other guys instead of being so heavily involved in what he is doing. You look like the type of person that is easy to take advantage of.

[thewhiterabbit]

Wow. This story really gets to me. It's completely what the last 4 years of my life would have been like had I chosen not to have sex with my best friend. We had a sexual relationship for that entire time despite him having a girlfriend. He knows how I feel about him, and I think that has strengthened the bond for him even though he doesn't love me in that way. I recently made a choice to get away from him for good. Not because he isn't a good friend, but because I can't take being around him when he doesn't love me. Honestly, I wish I could take so many things back over the last 4 years that it's ridiculous! If I could go back and tell myself what I should have done back then, it would be to walk away without caring if you hurt him. And I mean for good. I've walked away for a month at a time several times to come right back. You need to do what's right for you. I promise you he would do the same.

[joy&freedom]

Hey, that's a very familiar story to me. In fact, I'm in the same shoes as you are right now. He's my best friend, yet he does not love me as a man loves a woman. It used to hurt me too much sometimes. I tried to keep distance. I don't see him often, we mostly communicate via phone. And we don't talk each day. I also tried to walk away for good several times, but each time he phoned me and kinda brought me back. So I could't leave. What made me feel better in this situation is my decision not to hope for being loved by him anymore. I persuaded myself not to count on him as a partner - that's all. Maybe we aren't supposed to be together in that way. So I hope I'll find other person who will love me back. As for my friend, I told him we'll be like not just friends, but like brother and sister. I hope that'll work. Maybe you could try that way and maybe you won't be hurt anymore and feel more free. Good luck!

[all alone]

although there may be a friendship here, you and your emotions re being used in the end.

[Gigabitch]

He's a proven liar and a cheater. He's nobody's friend. Steer clear of him.