Engagement

[maryld]

How long do you think you need to truly know someone before proposing? I know I have been with guys where i am so loved up in the first 3 months that I would probably have said yes had they asked me. But, 3-6 months later things were different.

So, how soon is too soon? Do people rush into and get caught up in it right until the honeymoon is over and reality sets in?

What would make a man propose so early on - lust or true love?

[Chupacabras]

At least six months. That allows enough time for your sex drive to return to normal so you can think a little clearer.

Personally, no sooner than a year.

[Yggdrasil]

Some people are together for years and once they marry things go downhill.

I don't believe there's a fixed time there, but I would recommend being together for at least a year and preferable living together for another year (common law marriage). It's easier that way to split up if it doesn't work out.

I can't help it, I am a firm believer in 'trial marriages'.

That's when you get to know eachother really well, including all the little nasty habbits like snoring, not putting the cap on the toothpaste, dirty socks under the bed, not replacing the toilet paper, leaving the milk out, eating the last cornflakes, ... you name it.

[uvwx196]

I married my horse.

[bperry]

How long do you think you need to truly know someone before proposing? I know I have been with guys where i am so loved up in the first 3 months that I would probably have said yes had they asked me. But, 3-6 months later things were different.

So, how soon is too soon? Do people rush into and get caught up in it right until the honeymoon is over and reality sets in?

What would make a man propose so early on - lust or true love?

It could be lust or love, I believe true love can sustain the test of time. I would wait a year and if feels right do it.

[IndiReloaded]

I would wait until I have a handle on their basic beliefs about important issues: money, career, family, religion, values.

Then, I would see what happens when there is serious conflict over an issue. How do you each handle it? Also when extremely happy about an issue. Always a good idea to get a sense of someone's 'extremes' before marriage.

[lesa]

I can't help it, I am a firm believer in 'trial marriages'.

That's when you get to know eachother really well, including all the little nasty habbits like snoring, not putting the cap on the toothpaste, dirty socks under the bed, not replacing the toilet paper, leaving the milk out, eating the last cornflakes, ... you name it.

I don't believe in that. Those things should be worked out with the married couple and not the boyfriend/girlfriend. That's part of marriage and not the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in my opinion.

I would not deal with those things in a boyfriend but I would work them out with a husband. Those are just small bothersome habits that may accumulate and can easily break a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

I would definitely do what IndiReloaded said. Those are the important things that a couple seeking marriage should seriously concentrate on now.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't believe there's a fixed time there, but I would recommend being together for at least a year and preferable living together for another year (common law marriage). It's easier that way to split up if it doesn't work out.

I can't help it, I am a firm believer in 'trial marriages'.

I think this would be an excellent way to find out about those points I mentioned.

"Trial marriage" will probably go up peoples noses tho. I think you just mean 'living together'?

[vashti]

I think 2 years.

I agree with Lesa that you don't need to live with someone in order to know they are lazy slobs. These days, people have sex, and therefore routinely sleep at one another's house where bad habits manifest themselves. Unless one is retarded, you don't need to live together in order to figure it out. Additionally, living under the same roof makes it more likely you will tolerate/settle for these bad habits rather than be able to objectively make a decision about your future living arrangements.

[all alone]

I think 2 years.

I agree with Lesa that you don't need to live with someone in order to know they are lazy slobs. These days, people have sex, and therefore routinely sleep at one another's house where bad habits manifest themselves. Unless one is retarded, you don't need to live together in order to figure it out. Additionally, living under the same roof makes it more likely you will tolerate/settle for these bad habits rather than be able to objectively make a decision about your future living arrangements.

I was going to say the same, 2 years as a general rule sounds about right.. long time to experience all kinds of things as a couple and see if you can handle it all. But as it was noted before, it also really depends on the people.

[Yggdrasil]

These days, people have sex, and therefore routinely sleep at one another's house where bad habits manifest themselves. Unless one is retarded, you don't need to live together in order to figure it out.

Yes, that's how they figure out what their bad habbits are.

It's so easy to pretend to be 'someone else' over a short period of time, but not over a longer period of time.

It's so easy when you sleep over and have sex, to see how your potential future partner will react when an unexpected bill comes in, the money runs tight, the washer is broken and the car needs a new exhaust. It isn't about stinky socks in the corner of the bedroom (those were just mild examples), it's about the things that really matter: coping skills, problem solving skills, etc, on a daily base, in a real life environment where you can't escape from eachother. I betcha you really can figure out all those while sleeping over and having great sex.

[lovesjoyajm]

I don't think you should ever get engaged to someone you are still "in love with". It's something you do after all the romantic, lovey-dovey feelings have worn off and you understand that it is a commitment "for better or worse".