Am I just over thinking this?

[warriormaiden]

I have a tendency to over rationalize and analyze things a bit too closely, especially in regards to this relationship. Some outside insight would be helpful, so I can know if its just me and my silly conclusions.


I've fallen in love with a man I'm not too....lets say, certain about.

It started off as just a guy I knew. Then he told me one day that he was being deployed to Kuwait. While he was in another state training, he would text me every day out of boredom, so a friendship was born.
He then left the country, still texting everyday, emails, skype, the whole deal. We started to get closer and closer, and then one day he asked me that on his leave for Christmas, can we go on a date.

Christmas comes, it was magical. We fell in love right then and there. Before he went back to Kuwait, he said that when he comes home, which was five months away, we would start a relationship.

Well, we had a bit of an argument leading up to that five months, where we stopped talking for awhile. We just recently got back into contact.

He's back now, but he has moved to Michigan to be closer to his son. And do get the divorce thing from his wife rolling.

There are just a few things that keep nagging at me over and over, since the beginning.

He tells me that he loves me, and wants to call me his, and that next month he's going to come down for awhile, and we can be together like we originally planned. But I'm, honestly, just so afraid he's lying to me.

Like, the thing with his wife. He has expressed to me that she still wants them to work out, and that he doesn't want to go back to that.
But I have cause to believe he's living with her. We rarely talk on the phone now, its alwaysbtext. And when I ask him if I can call him that night, he says he'lk see. He NEVER says that.
And when we do have phone conversations, which is not many, three times he has told me that he had to get off, because his ex just arrived and quickly gets off tge phone.
Its not my business to know, but it brings me to my next insecurity.

I think he's sleeping with her. Or has another girlfriend, or several.
I will ask him whens the last time he has had sex, and his answer is always either just a week, or a few days ago.
You're supposed to be in love with me, and pine for only me. Wheres all this sex coming from? I know we're not officially together, but I haven't had sex or even gone out on a date with someone in a little over a month. Because he's the only one I would want to do those things with!

Third is, I think he has control issues. At the beginning, I thought it was sweet. Now, not so much. If I don't text him every single day, all day, he gets....irritated. And this is one of the reasons why we stopped talking in the first place.


I don't, honestly don't trust him. But can that change once we're physically together? Am I just over thinking this, and just relying upon history and emotional instinct?

[Alhaja]

well... it sounds like you already know for sure that he's sleeping with other people, since he says it himself basically...
Does it really matter if its his ex or some other girl? Either way, he clearly doesn't care about you enough. I'm sorry, you certainly deserve better.

[Boisdevie]

Look you're not even getting to see each other in person and you're getting suspicious and pissed off. Do you really think it will get better when you spend time together in person? I don't think so.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yeah...this is ridiculous. You've been on one date with the guy and text messaged him for a while, and now you think you're in love and ready to start a life with him??

How old are you two?

[iamaninnocentma]

You should never trust a soldier. They steal oil from arabs. Do you really think these people have any sort of morals?

[Wakeup]

three times he has told me that he had to get off, because his ex just arrived and quickly gets off tge phone.

This guy's playing you like a fiddle. Don't let him anymore.

Sorry this didn't turn out the way you wanted it to but your gut is telling you something. Don't ignore it any longer.

I think he's sleeping with her. Or has another girlfriend, or several.

Of course he is. You can't expect anyone to remain celebate particularily for someone who they aren't even committed to.

but I haven't had sex or even gone out on a date with someone in a little over a month. Because he's the only one I would want to do those things with!

You're expecting him to think like you. He doesn't.

"Relying on your emotional instinct?" Again, your logical gut is telling you something. Ignore it at your own emotional health.

[IndiReloaded]

Third is, I think he has control issues. At the beginning, I thought it was sweet. Now, not so much. If I don't text him every single day, all day, he gets....irritated. And this is one of the reasons why we stopped talking in the first place.

Run. I don't even need to read the rest of your post.

[warriormaiden]

Wow, there are alot of typos in that first post, eeeek. No more long winded posts on my phone for me!

Yeah...this is ridiculous. You've been on one date with the guy and text messaged him for a while, and now you think you're in love and ready to start a life with him??

How old are you two?

To clarify;
I knew him in person before his deployment, just didn't know him TOO well. Friend of a friend type deal.
A couple weeks before he left, he hit me up on FB (Why is it always Facebook?) And we had a nice conversation, where at the end he asked for my number.
And it wasn't ONE date, it was several over the span of two weeks. At that point, we had been talking every day for almost 7 or 8 months.



I like to think I'm allergic to BS, but I just....really wanted this to work, even while feeling like could not trust him, even if we were in a relationship.
I'm only 22 years old, I'm preparing to head to law school in the spring. I know if I left, and we were in a relationship, he would follow me there. And I really don't need his drama. He has some other issues as well, and, I just don't need that following me.

I'm always having such awful experience with men. I go from one wreck to the next, and the ones I SHOULD be going with, I just don't have fire with, and I NEED that, or I get disinterested. I'm beginning to wonder if theres something wrong with me. Since I'm always allowing the exception for these losers.

[haxan]

Re-read Wakeup's post. You got (and will continue to get) played. Like Indi said, run or pay the price.

Some women can't live without drama in their life, so they always deal with guys loaded with issues and addictions. Kind of a demented Florence Nightingale affect. There are some good looking, normal guys out there looking for good looking, normal women. If you can 'settle' for that, you'd be surprised the connection and chemistry you might find.

[warriormaiden]

I hate drama.
I can't stand to be in ANY relationship where we're constantly fighting and arguing. I would drop them, quick.

I want a man, who is relaxed. Dorky, could sit up and talk about absolutely nothing for hours, if we so wished. Yet, I want him to be learned and cultured, and be able to converse with me on philosophy, history and politics.
I want a guy with some direction, ambition, gumption! And if he doesn't know what to do with his life, well, at least he's not afraid to go out there and try.
I want to go on spur of the moment adventures on a boring afternoon.

I want him to be warm and honest.
And with an insane sex drive.

Is this too much to ask for, am I putting the bar up too high?
Every guy I've met, has had either one or two of those qualities, and seriously lack every place else. With the good guys I've met, they're smart and dorky, but we lack passion, or rather their lack of passion turns me off.
One of the reasons why I like this guy so much is because he's pure fire, and adventurous.

But fire is uncontrollable, and it destroys everything it touches.
Ugh.
Thanks for the advice, guys.

[haxan]

Well, for starters, stay away from married men. Other than that, be patient for the right one.