She says she still loves me but I am afraid of how she might react...

[mj1086]

I'm a 23-year-old male who has never even kissed a girl. I was raised by very religious parents in a home where sex was never mentioned. My parents even made us cut off contact with some our cousins after they got pregnant in high school. When I was ten years old my mother told me that because of "my" religion (i have since stopped believing) , I would never be allowed to have a girlfriend. This made me feel like a freak and my pattern of social withdrawal can be traced back to that. Whenever a girl liked me I had to pretend that I wasn't interested, even if I was. She reminded me of this again when I was fifteen, after I had mentioned that a female friend, we'll call her "Mia", had asked me to go to the movies with her. I had very strong feelings for Mia but I could never tell her. I didn't realize it then, but Mia had feelings for me, too. I haven't seen her in four years and she recently said to me on facebook, "I still love you." I still have feelings for her. She is under the impression that I had no interest in her. I really want to be with her but I'm just so afraid of her reaction when she realizes the obvious: that I have absolutely no experience with women. I've even withdrawn from all my friends because of this secret I am hiding. The only person that really knows me is my therapist.

People tell me that I'm good-looking and everyone says I'm hilarious, including Mia, who laughs at every frickin thing I say. I can honestly say that I am ashamed of my lack of experience with women. It makes me feel like the lowest of the low. I'm always afraid the topic of sex or dating will come up in a conversation, because I am hiding in plain sight and a conversation like that can expose me. Everyone just assumes that I'm a normal guy with a normal sex life, even my relatives.

I am so scared of her reaction. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated

[justcheckin]

can I ask what religion? I am just curious, I have never heard of that.

I am just getting to know this girl in my class that I think is almost like you. she is very nice, smart, but seems to be VERYYYY sheltered. we have never talked about sex but just from our conversations I can tell that she has more then likley never sleep with a guy. If she has, I would be really surprised.

I would maybe explain ur situation to this girl... I dont think that it would be entirely a bad thing if you think she can keep a secrete. If you trust her enough with tahat private information I think if she knew it would help things a bit. However, I would defiantly make sure that your "trust" level is built up enough so that you can tell her something that personal. I would just start to talk to her and try to get close. and then once you are comfortable enough with her to tell her your situation. I don't think its THAT serious, as long as she likes you.

[ConfusedAlex]

I can tell you one thing that is absolute certainty; not knowing what might have happened if you miss this opportunity will be very difficult to deal with. I really feel for you, but I also think that its not as big a deal (lack of sexual, romantic experience etc) as you might think.

I would encourage you to just pursue this thing with Mia and let it take you wherever it goes. What you mentioned about lack of experience, I'm assuming you know all the basics of male and female physiology etc, and that you don't have any physical sexual problems that would prevent you from sleeping with Mia? Prospective dates/partners etc don't expect someone to know the Kama Sutra off by heart when they are intimate with them, and I think if you were honest with her, it perhaps wouldn't be as big a deal as you feel it will.

Mentioning that you've not been with a woman before, its a matter of timing. It might be a good time to tell her when things are starting to get serious and it looks like you will be intimate, but with enough notice for it to sink in.. i.e. not while you're both scrambling to unbutton shirts, unbuckle belts, get pants off etc lol

And with re: to sex, there is a certain amount of skill and technique involved, but its a lot more about attraction and anticipation. Just remember don't get overexcited, go at a reasonable pace, feel free to ask her if what you're doing feels good or not, and be a gentleman afterwards. You've got nothing to worry about, I'm sure. You sound like a nice guy, I'm pretty sure that's what counts in her mind, not how many women you have or haven't slept with.