Confused! Need advice

[ShawnSummers]

Hi,

I'm in the midst of a life drama that has gone on longer than it should have. I need some advice from some people not emotionally connected to the situation in any way. Maybe you guys can help me figure out what to do next. Here's the history of the situation.

I met this girl, lets call her Kate, about a year & a half ago. I crushed on her big time and in time, we started going out. For the first few months, we were inseperable. We had the same interests, the same type of personality, and just connected amazingly. In this time, a friend of mine got upset that I was always hanging out with her and kind of blacklisted me, so to speak. It made me sad, but it didn't affect my relationship with Kate (though she was upset at it because she wanted my friends to like her). Later, that friend and his brother (a dear old, friend of mine) would rebuke her in front of me and I knew that they would talk about me behind my back. They're not vicious people, so it started making me question what I was doing. Even my parents seemed slow to warm up to her.
After about two or three months into the relationship, I had an offer to go to a school in a different city. Kate was sad, but encouraged me and I went off. We spoke everyday and I would drive up once a month for a weekend to see her. About a month into this, I would start to notice little things that bugged me (when I needed off the phone, she would keep me on for an extra 15-20 minutes; if i missed a call, she would worryingly search for me on every phone number she could think of). These are all minor things, that could even be considered cute by some, but at the time they started displeasing me. I wanted some breathing room. It was then that I would look around at girls on campus and just enjoy their more feminine dressing (something Kate didn't wear too often, if at all). I started trying to reconnect with my old friends and they were slow to talk. Emotionally stressed and exhausted, I ended up breaking up with Kate. It broke her heart and I felt terrible about it (though I did my best to hold tough and me determined in my choices). We ended up continuing to talk as friends and I also reconnected with my old friends fully.
When I returned home for a visit and saw Kate, I was uncomfortable with her reactions. She would try to touch my face or get upset when things seemed different than they had when we were going out. At this point, I just broke down and started trying to halt all contact with her what so ever (not the most couragous move in the world). Every once in awhile, I would hear about her contacting various friends of mine to hang out and whatever. She would visit with my parents, etc. This drove me to be more determined to put distance between us, as what I wanted more than anything was space. Especially when my parents started hinting that they really liked her. I would rant to friends about the frustration and all the things that went wrong. It just seems like she can get under my skin in ways no one else seems to. Over the next few months, I went out with a girls here and there, and they were all nice girls, but I just didn't connect with them on any level. And whenever I did go out, I would always tell myself "ha! see, Kate? I've moved on. I'm over you."
Fast forward a year, more and more I was thinking about Kate. She's gone to school and actually lives about 30 minutes away now. I would talk to friends who had talked to her recently and they said she still talks about me a lot. At this point, I felt like this was becoming too big a thing. So, I decided to contact Kate and try to just get on good terms, maybe even go back to being friends at most. She was cautious when I contacted her, but by the end of the 4 hour conversation, we were talking like we hadn't missed a beat. For the next couple of days, we would talk and the connection we had was still there. I'm back to that point where I think about things in my head as if I was talking to her. We've made plans to get together next weekend to go out to a sports bar and attend a game in a month.
Now, I am questioning my feelings. I don't know what it is I'm feeling and don't want to make the wrong move. On the one hand, I connect with this girl like none other and there are times I think to myself "i'm going to spend the rest of my life with this girl, aren't I?" Other times, I don't feel so stongly. I don't feel over the moon in love with her like people describe in movies or in mushy lovey websites. Then again, whenever I feel slightly bored, my first thought is to go talk to her for awhile. Which makes me question what I feel. Maybe I'm just reaching to her because she's familiar. If I do like her, what if it doesn't last? The very last thing I want to do is hurt her again. If I do get back with her, what do I do differently? What happens when my friends start blacklisting me again? How do I prove to her friends that I won't hurt her again? Everything's just very confusing to me right now. It's been over half a year since we last saw each other and I believe that when next we meet, it's only a matter of one good moment to put us on top of each other again.

What is it I'm feelin? What do you think? I'm just don't know how to proceed! Any help would be much appreciated!

[knightlionheart]

You had it going good, but u kinda threw it out didn'tcha? well ur just feeling horny right now....coz u didn't get any from any other girls, & u also know the fact that she's still holding the torch for u. Basically.....ur going back 2 yer station wagon, when u couldn't afford( read as get) any other car....its a metaphor...apply it 2 yer reality!!

[Junket]

Yeah man, I approved of everything you were doin' up until you started second guessing yourself. Tryin' to get back with her, even if she wants to too, will only lead to disaster. Forget 'er.

[flossie]

unfortunately people still hold feelings for their ex's way after the realtionship is over sometimes its hatrid yet sometimes its still a form of love. nothings changed from before if she is still talking about you to your mates, then she will still be clingy even if it takes a little while to show again. You've had no one since that has stuck around for one reason or another so therfore no one to replace the feelings you once held for her. You never truely get over an ex as much as your going to until you fall for someone else but you very rarely forget an ex either. Just be grateful you can still talk after all your history but i wouldnt reccommend going there again x

[schueys_girl]

If you do go there again it sounds like she would make it pretty hard for you to carry on contact with your friends, she still seems to be clingy as she is going round to see your parents when your no longer together and hanging out with your friends, its almost like shes trying to be in your life in every way she can, because she cant let go of your relationship ending.

My advice is not to go back to her with the attitude you have. It really does seem like the familiar thing to do, and would you even be thinking about her anymore if:
1) she wasnt seeing your parents and they wernt talking about her?
2) she wasnt speaking to your friends and they wernt talking about her?
3) you had another girlfriend

This girl is making sure you havent forgotten about her because she is still living out aspects of the life you shared with her, she clearly wants you back and i really think that if you did get back with her things wouldnt change. Her behaviour still appears to be very clingy and needy towards you, so i think the phonecalls etc would start again, and you would feel pressure from her to stop seeing your friends again.

IF you think you could get back together with her, and the feelings are more than just familiarity, knowing shes avaliable to you, and obviously u being horny, then go for it. But lay down the law and see your friends 3 nights a week straight away, dont become insperable again because it will give her all the wrong messages and you will be back where you started in the beginning. good luck -x-