Help dealing with a naive girlfriend :/?

[Lalalandguy]

I need some guidance. Ive been in a pretty steady relationship for over a decade now with a woman that I've known since highschool. She's intelligent academically, and pretty successful in her career. However she is very naive towards how she is perceived by some. She's a cute, busty, mid-twenty y/o woman. That works in a corporate setting with mostly men. Recently she went out with a group of co-workers for a celebratory dinner and drinks. Afterwards, they played some normal party games like badminton and shuffle board. Out of regular curiosity I asked if any of the guys ever flirt with her (keep in mind im used to guys flirting w her at clubs or parties, on vacation etc) so I expected SOMETHING. She paused, thought, then said 'no, they're mostly married', as if that means anything. Knowing she can be oblivious to sly remarks I asked if she was sure. She sat for another few minutes then said a couple guys made remarks about her adjusting her boobs, and two others commented on how hot she was and another about how nice her pants fit. I asked her if she thought the comments were inappropriate and she answered 'I don't know'. I feel like she can be too social at times and lose sight of when guys are making subtle plays on her. Which is something we've spoke about multiple times in the past and is something I find very inconsiderate for our relationship.

I understand when the drinks are flowing men tend to get brave and save things that can be inappropriate, however, I feel like by her not drawing a clear line, stopping them immediately she leaves the door open for more of that behavior.

Thats why I'm here asking you all for your unbiased advice - What should I do? I can't keep watch over her around the clock, nor monitor every convo she has. Although, I cannot tolerate this naive behavior if we are supposed to move forward and grow as a couple.

[Lalalandguy]

Btw, this behavior has lead to her doing sexual things w coworkers in the past. So she does have a history and I only noticed a pattern which is why Im concerned.

[Maple1714]

Btw, this behavior has lead to her doing sexual things w coworkers in the past. So she does have a history and I only noticed a pattern which is why Im concerned.

Be specific. Were you two together when she was doing "sexual things" with former co-workers? If these convo's/comments/situations have led to sex or making-out etc..in the past what makes you think she is naive to what's going on? Maybe she likes the attention and is well aware of whats happening.

If nothing has ever happened since you've been together, other than other dudes hitting on her, then you need to let it go. You should trust her. Do you trust you GF?

[namemyname]

I love it.

You've been dating her since high school, and you're just now realizing she "acts" like a bimbo who knows how to work men?

Newsflash - women like this aren't naïve. Far from.

You've tolerated her flirting and whatever the sexual liaisons have been, because she's convinced you she's clueless and doesn't know any better. She's not unaware. She just likes you around, and having her play time, and then playing dumb about it.

Clever girl, Clarice...

[basilandthyme]

lalalandguy, she is who she is. You're not her father and you have no place educating her ....unless she asks for your help. If you can't accept her for who she is, then it's time to find someone who behaves in a manner you approve of.

When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM

[michelle23]

Need more info. Has she cheated on you?

[pcmaster]

Talking is not dangeros. Most of the women with big boobs like to talk about them. She like it and theres nothing you can do. Same as if women would be talking abut your muscular arms- its not bad and you wont feel bad but opposite. Thats just how it is with hot girlfriends - nerves are dead. They draw too much attention, they like it or not.

[Lalalandguy]

Thanks for the responses everyone. For more to consider, the flirting itself never led to "intimate" relationships or personal pleasures. To be honest, I can understand seduction and flirting. Everyone fantasizes and acts w/o thinking about the consequences. My problem is her oblivious inability to recognize when someone is throwing out inappropriate comments anywhere, not just work.. I'm hung up on the fact that she did tell me about the comments and that she didn't draw the line. I figure someone who is attention hungry wouldn't admit to such things or at least pretend like they set boundaries. She was honest and did grow up somewhat sheltered which could play into it. However she is an adult that represents us and if men think its ok to speak that way to her that's a reflection of our/my tolerance. Right?

[Lalalandguy]

Michelle - She's never cheated.(that I know of)

Pcmaster- I realize talking isn't dangerous. I know the comments won't stop however, she should be able to recognize flirty comments. She claims she overlooked them since the guys are married. My counter was had I been there and made a comment to one of those men's 'hot wife' would it be ok? Would she let it slide? Perspectives?

[Maple1714]

Btw, this behavior has lead to her doing sexual things w coworkers in the past. So she does have a history and I only noticed a pattern which is why Im concerned.

What do you mean by this then? If nothing intimate has ever happened?

[basilandthyme]

lalalandguy, if she doesn't take the bait - then what's the harm? If a guy said that stuff to me at work, I'd simply laugh and change the subject

[Lalalandguy]

For clarification - The flirting never resulted to sexual acts. However, during a separation period, her naive attitude lead her to trust a group of past coworkers and they did kiddy things; kiss and reveal sex secrets. Which backfired on her at work as those people turned on her after she (self-willingly) told me the day after. She's the type who can't really gage people and renders most people innocent even when there are clear signs of deception. That's my problem, how do I deal with that.

[Lalalandguy]

Basil-The problem is most of those men wouldn't say those things if I was there. So I expect her to know this keep those standards by reminding them when I'm not.. Am I wrong for that?

[Maple1714]

For clarification - The flirting never resulted to sexual acts. However, during a separation period, her naive attitude lead her to trust a group of past coworkers and they did kiddy things; kiss and reveal sex secrets. Which backfired on her at work as those people turned on her after she (self-willingly) told me the day after. She's the type who can't really gage people and renders most people innocent even when there are clear signs of deception. That's my problem, how do I deal with that.

OK, so maybe she is a bit naive and/or a little short of some common sense? I don't really know how to deal with that one...

Just keep talking to her and point out what you see. Help her to realize when comments from men are inappropriate. Repetition teaches people. But, you are also going to have to accept that this may just be who she is. Do you want to be with a woman like this? Will you resent her more and more as you are already starting to?

[searock]

So she kissed other guys while you two were together? That is cheating.