I have a bit of a wierd situation...

[IdkAnymore...]

Well here it goes...

I meet this girl the other day while hanging out with my friends, She seems to be very nice and kind although a bit messed up in the head(Seem I attract that ) I notice that she seems to be a bit more promiscuous then most girls that I know. So we hang out a couple times, get to talking and she is talking about her past, which was to put it blunt, messed up.

She Meet her mom when she was older, year later she dies from a OD. Then she gets raped when she is 14 years old, After that has a abusive boyfriend, goes into eating disorders, gets into drugs/alcohol. Now she is clean but seems very, well promiscuous to put it nicely. Thing is I really like her personality but I'm kinda iffy for some reason...Also has a really low self esteem(I can sense this)

Has anyone ever went through any kind of relationship like this? I also found it rather strange she was so open to me about it...

Thing is I guess its the nice guy in me but I want to help her...in someway..idk why...

Sorry if I rambled in circles. I tend to do that.

[carl1222]

Promiscuity is a common reaction to adolescent sexual abuse, especially with someone close ... sex = love, etc.

Helping her out of it is a heavy burden ... are you up to it?

Carl.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Yea as Carl said it is a heavy burden. Only if you have the ability to handle so much baggage should you continue to pursue this girl. I dont want to tell you to leave her alone, cuz everyone deserves a good person in their life, and another chance at a better life. But the question is more on you though. Can you handle it? Can you look past her very rough past without judging her? It's all about having the ability to deal with it.

[dbzzx]

I really do think I can handle it but I do think its gonna be weird, me being someone who is a virgin, never touched and drug or alcohol in my life, didn't really mention that to her, wonder how she will react to that...

I guess I will just see how it progresses.

P.S: Found my old user account here :-P

[AndrewJanus]

I had a situation like this earlier this year... I later found out that she was cheating on her current bf with me!

Once and always I say...and so far I havent been proven wrong about that...

You should never change who you are for a girl...that is not what love is...

Here is what I came up with in my situation... a girl with emotional baggage like this will be difficult no matter how strong the love might be. Are you truly prepared to put up with this your entire life? Do you really think that this girl would be worth a marriage? being promiscuis can be a turn on... but for me it almost got me into a lot of trouble...

Just like carl said... are you up to that?

I also agree that everyone deserves a chance with a good person once in their life...

be honest with her about your feelings...and in turn she (should) be honest with you!

good luck!

[dbzzx]

Well I would never change who I am for anyone, but I know how guys take advantage of girls that have been through stuff like this, they see it as pretty much no challenge, free sex kind of thing, I just hate to see a good person get thrown around like that. It angers me more then anything really...

[dbzzx]

Anyone else have any opinions on any of this, experiences? I think she may be waiting for me to ask I think, seems to be talking to my friend about me...He never goes into detail...annoys me.

[Cain]

Don't date her because you think you can fix her. That's the wrong attitude and you're going to be disappointed and frustrated when it doesn't work the way you wanted it to. In my opinion, you should find someone that fits what you are looking for. If she's promiscuous, it means that she likes sex. You're a virgin. Are you willing to give it up to her?

Step away.

[dbzzx]

Its not like I want to fix her, That's not it. I also don't think that I would have to give up my virginity unless I wanted to, Not to sound conceited but I'm extremely well with words. I understand where your coming from and respect your angle but that's not why I would date her, I really like her personality honestly...I'm not one that goes out with someone to fix them or because of looks(Well that's not totally true, I have to be somewhat attracted to the girl)

I would like to help her with any problems she has in the progress of the relationship though, but that's just how I am...Not a big factor. Also not like I want to stay a virgin for ever, just not much of concern to me, I'm 20 right now, so I'm not young young.

[Cain]

I won't date a virgin because I don't want to wait a while for sex in the relationship. If she values sex the same, she won't be wanting to stick through your virginity whether you're good with words or not.

Why do you need a fixer upper? Why can't you find someone that already has their head on straight?

[dbzzx]

Its not that I'm looking for a "Fixer upper" as you call it, which really seems like a mean thing to say. I don't date much because I can't stand most girls. So when I find one I like, its like a "shooting star" of sorts. I think in total of my whole life, I liked about 4-6 girls tops,dated 2 of them. So its rare to find someone I actually like. That's why I just don't date someone with there "head on straight" which I find a bit off, no offense, everyone has problems, its just different levels of problems.

[Cain]

Its not that I'm looking for a "Fixer upper" as you call it, which really seems like a mean thing to say. I don't date much because I can't stand most girls. So when I find one I like, its like a "shooting star" of sorts. I think in total of my whole life, I liked about 4-6 girls tops,dated 2 of them. So its rare to find someone I actually like. That's why I just don't date someone with there "head on straight" which I find a bit off, no offense, everyone has problems, its just different levels of problems.

But you're going to an extreme here and wanting to date someone that doesn't even have their head on crooked.

[AirbenderAang]

Sounds like you are partly approaching it the right way. Your desire to date her seems valid, although I don't think you know what you would be getting yourself into.

Since she doesn't know that you are a virgin it is definitely possible that she won't want to date you. You definitely need to tell her soon and then see. If things go well and you do date, well expect to feel unprepared and overwhelmed.

[Lite]

Well, you've already acknowledged the huge red flags going off by what she has endured to date. Now...

*deep breath here*

I've been down this road, and it is indeed a heavy burden to accept. The first things I would evaluate would be whether or not she is committed to healing and is actively in therapy to deal with her childhood traumas first off.

Ex eating disorders have a way of becoming current eating disorders that she is hiding, and medical bills, and drama, and stress from you worrying about her health, etc...

Sexual abuse is one of those really difficult to deal with things. One day everything is fine, then she has a drink, you go to hug her, she freaks the hell out, and you spend 45 minutes consoling her. or she steadily develops guilt and additional issues related to not having dealt with the initial abuse. Or she uses it to manipulate you into behaving in a manner that just isn't you because she claims your normal modes of behavior trigger bad reactions in her.

If you're a really nice guy who cares about her, then you should be probably prepared for the point in which she figures out that she's really still hurting, that you treating her well confuses her a lot emotionally, and she'll run away screaming and do things that hurt you.

Of course, none of this could happen and you end up just being a brief rebound relationship too..

[dbzzx]

Well I'm not sure if she is seeking help at the moment, I know she went through rehab in the past, Not sure if she is doing anything right now about it. I don't think she has a eating disorder at all right now, she seems to eat fine and has a healthy weight and all. That last part I'm a little worried about but I think I could handle it myself. I don't wanna be a rebound :-( though, That would suck for me, I think that's the only thing that would really hurt me...