i think i'm to nice of a guy

[mattwilson]

i was raise dto treat women right and i do. like i'll go out of my way to make sure my girlfriend is alright. i mean i wont ditch someone if i have plans and she wants to hang out but i also wanna show her im there for her

its a tough thing for me because if i do say something that maybe shouws a bit of a jerk she gets a bit upset so i dont know if i keep up the nice guy thing or tone it down

[Call Me Maybe]

we're all human. It's irrational for her to expect you to always be nice. However, it also depends on how much of a jerk you were being

[Am I crazy?]

Dude, always treat a lady right. Its best to always be the nice guy. Some girls like guys who act like jerks but the relationships never work and the good guy eventually gets the girl.

[mattwilson]

Dude, always treat a lady right. Its best to always be the nice guy. Some girls like guys who act like jerks but the relationships never work and the good guy eventually gets the girl.

girl likes confidence though. i do have some but sometimes i struggle due to a previous relationship

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Confidence doesn't mean you act like a jerk. Confidence means you do what suits you, and don't worry what others think or say.

[basilandthyme]

Matt, you're debating whether or not to be a nice guy or tone it down. Which option is closer to who you are naturally? Thing is, I reckon it's always best to just be who we are.

[michelle23]

girl likes confidence though. i do have some but sometimes i struggle due to a previous relationship

There is a big difference between confidence and cockiness. Confident people are assertive, they do what suits them, they go after what they want, there not afraid to just be themselves and they are decent, honest, kind, loyal people normally. They are usually modest too and dont have a head the size of the moon thinking that they are the bees knees.

Cockiness is arrogance, possibly narcissistic assholes who treat women badly. You don't want to be one of those guys coz you will just end up with all the garbage and used, damaged goods that confident men don't want. You'll just get the leftovers.

You should be yourself. Being too nice is normally a person who will bend over backwards to keep everyone else happy but never has any time to make themselves happy. There is nothing wrong with caring for other people or being there for other people as long as you dont let anyone walk all over you or treat you badly and dont ever be a doormat. You should demand respect.

Expect to be treated just as good as you treat your gf and if she doesn't live up to those standards and expectations-get rid of her.

[searock]

girl likes confidence though.

Being a nice guy doesn't mean not being confident, just as being a jerk doesn't mean being confident. Actually it's the other way around most of the times.

I agree that you should be yourself. There's nothing more confident than not being afraid of showing who you really are.

[michelle23]

All those guys who act like jerks and come across as soooo confident-they really aren't. It is all BS. Underneath all that cocky crap, they actually have a very fragile ego and very low self esteem. Smart women see straight through it like a pane of glass and go after the nice guy.

Those assholes who brag about being with this girl or that blah blah blah-thinking they are the best thing since slice bread and acting like they have the best life-they would give anything to have the type of girl that you can get but they ALWAYS end up with second best and settle

[stev123]

All those guys who act like jerks and come across as soooo confident-they really aren't. It is all BS. Underneath all that cocky crap, they actually have a very fragile ego and very low self esteem. Smart women see straight through it like a pane of glass and go after the nice guy.

Those assholes who brag about being with this girl or that blah blah blah-thinking they are the best thing since slice bread and acting like they have the best life-they would give anything to have the type of girl that you can get but they ALWAYS end up with second best and settle

It's wrong to judge someone on how they behave, although most behavior generally shows something (where I agree with you, guys who brag generally do not get much - if I had a nickel for every time that happened). BUT In my opinion it's about finding a balance, it's about treating someone with respect and letting them have their say, but not getting trampled over and being confident and prude when you have to. hell sometimes being 'the jerk' is the right thing.

[afroman]

The old saying rings true. "Just be yourself"

As much as we don't want to believe it, I don't think a lot of us actually try it. Developing confidence is congruent to understanding and being comfortable with who you are. Don't go to the gym if YOU don't want to work out. Do things that YOU enjoy, master them. Pursuit and love of life is probably the sexiest thing a woman could ever see in a man. While some women do give a damn about the size of your muscles, there's probably another more compatible and more attractive woman somewhere out there who finds muscles disgusting and is more turned on by the fact that you like to do volunteer work and help out around your community.

The women who want jerks, just want jerks. There's nothing you can do about it and you shouldn't act like one just to meet a woman. You're only going to be disappointed because you'll realize you can't stand the jerkette after spending 5 minutes on a date with her no matter how hot she is.

A very important trait in developing confidence and winning over ladies also, is ASSERTIVENESS. This is the fine line between the passive guy and the aggro-wannabe-alpha-male jerk who kicked sand in your face at the beach and walked off with your girl. You get to be the nice guy you always were, with the advantage of sticking up for yourself against the morons who will always give you trouble in life.

Also, there's a great amount of blog posts on relationship matters and some self-help inner game stuff on this website I suggest you read. Helped me out a lot, being a misguided 20 something man.

www.artofmanliness.com

Also, being a former passive "nice guy".. One thing that really stressed me out was how I felt like I had to make everybody happy all the time and if someone was ever unhappy, I was at fault (even when said person was just being a total prick about something). It took me a long time to realize that I cannot make everyone in my life happy, and it isn't my job to do so. Once you realize this, the assertiveness thing becomes a hell of a lot easier.

[michelle23]

It's wrong to judge someone on how they behave, although most behavior generally shows something (where I agree with you, guys who brag generally do not get much - if I had a nickel for every time that happened). BUT In my opinion it's about finding a balance, it's about treating someone with respect and letting them have their say, but not getting trampled over and being confident and prude when you have to. hell sometimes being 'the jerk' is the right thing.

Ya I agree-I just mean men who treat women like sex objects in general and have NO respect for them. All their interested in is getting laid coz they think they need to prove some sort of stupid point to the rest of the world. Having the confidence to just be yourself and not falling into every BS stereotype is hot and I have a lot of respect for men who don't treat women like toys or pieces of meat. Id never go near a jerk like that and in general I can spot them a mile away and cross the road to avoid them.

[stev123]

Ya I agree-I just mean men who treat women like sex objects in general and have NO respect for them. All their interested in is getting laid coz they think they need to prove some sort of stupid point to the rest of the world. Having the confidence to just be yourself and not falling into every BS stereotype is hot and I have a lot of respect for men who don't treat women like toys or pieces of meat. Id never go near a jerk like that and in general I can spot them a mile away and cross the road to avoid them.

Haha yeah of course any normal girl would, but if anything for every action there is a reaction. There's decent guys and decent girls (a rare commodity for me today haha) and for every jerk off who wants nothing but sexual pleasure, there is some attention whore with no hobbies who wants the same kind of attention they give...It's all equaled out somehow I've noticed lol.

Best thing to do for this guy is to put himself on the line and see what he gets, perhaps change his attitude and behaviour so he isn't a doormat. Then he can probably begin to work with women until eventually the right one comes by one day.

[michelle23]

Haha yeah of course any normal girl would, but if anything for every action there is a reaction. There's decent guys and decent girls (a rare commodity for me today haha) and for every jerk off who wants nothing but sexual pleasure, there is some attention whore with no hobbies who wants the same kind of attention they give...It's all equaled out somehow I've noticed lol.

Ya haha that is so true. Healthy people attract healthy people. Unhealthy people attract unhealthy people (at least 95% of the time)
so its all balanced out really

[dem862]

Well, sometimes what happens is a girl is attracted to a guy and they get together and after a while she starts trying to change him, train him. She gets angry when she doesn't get what she wants and calls him a jerk or whatever. Some women are experts at manipulation and act like spoiled little brats. Then the guy changes to please her, and she loses interest in him because he is no longer the man she was attracted to. It is a fine line for a guy. You don't want to be a doormat or a pushover, but there is no reason to treat any woman badly either.

To me, confidence means knowing what you want, and then not being afraid to go for it. If you want something, you admit it to yourself and you take the steps to achieve your goal with the full expectation that you will succeed. The hard part is knowing what you really want. That takes introspection. If you know what you want, without equivocation, the rest will natually fall into place.