How do I Let it go?/give space/time

[Love_Again?]

Alright, maybe some of you have read my other threads and kinda know what's going on with my girl and I. Anyway, I am ready to severe it. She obsiously wants to live without the stress of a relationship or just doesn't want a relationship with me right now. I have not really given her space or time or any of that. I've only been scheming to get her back and make time with her. I think that the only way for us to be possily together now is to follow the old adage,"Let it go and if it's meant to be it will come back."

So, that's the situation. How do I let go without seeming like an asshole? I had asked her about meeting up this weekend after we got together last weekend so she will probably call. Plus, she likes to call and unload when she's having tuff times. Even though she doesn't really want the relationship, she is probably gonna want me to do something special for our two year anniversary in April. I don't understand it but the same thing happened on Valentines. She wants me at a distance but a safe one. This is not working for me. If she really loves me and wants to be with me, then I need her to show me and she is not ready to do this now. So once again, how do I stop contact without being an asshole or is being an asshole necessary. Also, is it necessary to break contact or is there another way? Does any body understand and have some advice here?

[sfalexi]

Even though she doesn't really want the relationship, she is probably gonna want me to do something special for our two year anniversary in April.

First of all, don't you even think about doing a single THING for this. It's an anniversary, only if you're still together. Do you see any other EX's celebrating anniversaries with each other? That's a big NO! Plus it'll make her think about how that "could have" been her big two year but she blew it. Don't even mention it. Don't call her, nothing. If she calls you and mentions it, blow it off. "Oh yeah. That's right. That would've been today. . ."

You can try keeping contact, but how much is it going to hurt you to hang out with her and remember how it USED to be and wonder if it will EVER be like that again? If the answer is enough to bother you, then cut contact.

Best way is to do whatever you can to take your mind off of her. If that means hanging with friends, watching movies, playing video games, working out, hitting the books, etc., then do it. Don't think about her. And if some girl catches your eye, go out with her. And DON'T sit there and compare the two as in, "My ex had nicer eyes . . . my ex had a nicer smile . . . me ex had this/that" cause there's no reason to. No two girls are alike and if this girl caught your eye, then there must be SOMETHING about her it that's intriguing. And while she may not have nicer eyes or smile, she turn out to be a much morre fun person to be around, or have hobbies more similar to your own, or have better toes or some shit.

Alexi

[IceQueen]

You shouldn't care whether you come off as an asshole to her or not. You priority is healing YOURSELF. what OTHERS think you can care about LATER.

Also, is it necessary to break contact or is there another way?

Yes, it's the ONLY thing that must be done, but it MUST be done.

[Ray - depressed]

just a few assumptions, based on my opinions... i think, it still sounds like ur girl still has feelings for u, just that, she simply doesn't want to be in a relationship.. she doesn't want the committment... and thats tough too, there are a few things that she needs to realize for herself.. for one thing, u really love her.. for the other, being in a relationship shouldn't be a burden, unless ur not happy.. that's my case, my girl just simply wasn't happy anymore with me.. not much i can do, really.. in ur case, ya u should give her time.. i don't think u should break plans with her, and not pick up her calls.. just don't be the agressive one, and stay cool.. one thing tho, u could be waiting for a long long time for her to realize those things... it's up to u whether u wanna let go/move on, or wait.. do u think it's worth it? i already told my ex, i'll be waiting for her until she changes her mind, i'm not rdy let go no matter how tough it is, it's hard to find someone i love this much..

[Love_Again?]

Yeah, it is hard to find love like this but I am ready to let go. I'm sure I could play it cool but I really don't want to be her snuggle buddy or the person that she runs to when she is having problems. It is just to hard for me to give myself up like that and get nothing in return. I would rather break contact now and begin healing myself and she can or won't come back later. But I'm not gonna sit and stay in the mud until I know she absolutely does not want me in a relationship. I'll take my losses now while they are still manageable. Thanks everyone.

She did call and I told her I needed some time. She said "What if I find someone else?" I told her I would deal. It just lets me know what kind of mind frame she is in to even ask me that. It's like she is with me out of obligation -- I don't want that. It's been since Sunday that we last had real contact and , although she is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night, I feel better about my decision everyday. I wish I had done it sooner so I would have stopped thinking of her so frequently by now.

[Ray - depressed]

good job man, i'm glad u made this decision, and is determined about it... as of me, i still need more time to slowly move on... unless she turns back to me, which is unlikely..