Confused..

[colt18]

So ive never really joined a forum before but ive ran across this one and hopefully it will give me some answers and opinions. Anyways here goes


Me and my gf have i guess broken up after 6 yrs the thing is i dont really know if its a final thing or if its just something we are going through....it basically started probably 2 weeks ago when she told me she just wasnt in it anymore and didnt want it anymore....at first it was kinda a shocker...for 6 yrs everything has been great up until that point...anyhow i tried to figure out what was wrong but that really didnt work...so i decided to just leave her alone and let her call me when she wanted to talk...so the first day of no calls or texts from me she texts me at night askign if i was awake or not, i said yeah did she need to talk? she says it didnt matter and i told her well she knows my number if she did, then she called seconds after i sent the message back. its been going on like that for 3-4 days now..i wont text or call and then she texts then calls me at night. Well last night she asked how my day was and i said fine, after work me and some of my friends went to coaches a bar n grill, she started to tear up and cry and when i asked what was wrong she said she was mad but she didnt know what for?? i didnt say anything but my guess was what she thought she wanted (not being with me) wasnt really it...am i wrong? Also alot has been going on with her life her dad left her mom for another woman and well they are going through a divorce...i have a feeling her mother is whispering alot into her here....we where going to move in together and everything up until that day, and im wondering if her mom is holding her back...she told her mother that i had gotten a house and was wanting her to move in with me, and her moms reply was you cant, i wont be able to make it without you here...which is true as she has been pretty much paying everything since her mom refuses to get out and find a job.....i really dont know what to do and if you need any more details ask cause i may have left some stuff out but i dont think so....anyways my question is should i just accept it and let this be it?? or does it seem like she still wants to be with me but maybe scared? i dunno.


Thanks in advance and sorry for the wall of text

Colt18

[vashti]

It sounds like she is having a hard time making decisions, which is understandable considering all she is going through with her family. I think what she really needs is probably some sort of counseling. Do you think she'd listen to you if you were to suggest it?

If you love her, you might want to hold off making any important decisions about moving on from this relationship for a couple of months. It sounds like her life is too unstable for her to act in her own best interests right now. You might want to tell her you are putting your relationship on the back burner but don't plan to date anyone else, and neither should she until the rest of her life settles down. Just make a time frame in your own head about how long is reasonable to wait.

[colt18]

if im to do that do i need to continue not calling or texting her and let her contact me?

Colt18

[Tommy]

Sorry to hear this bro. Same experience with me after 6 years as well.

IMO avoid moving in until you're married. It puts such a strain on the relationship. Also I think you're doing a good job giving her space, but also showing her you still care.

She is having some extreme crap going down and I think she is really confused. It may not even be directly related to you, just somewhat of a catalyst....

She's in a rut and thought a major change might help, but removing her main stability (being you) she sees it isn't as glorious as she may have thought. I hope it all works out man, stay positive either way.

[colt18]

So me and her talked some tonight...longest convo weve had since this has happened...we talked a little about us...if there was any chance of getting back together or if she can see us together in the future..etc. her answers was as it has been she just doesnt know right now....i asked her about me going out last thursday and she tried to downplay her getting upset.....she went to the movies saturday night she tells me with her cousins. anywhos she goes on to tell me to go out if i want to, just not to tell her about it...she says she is gonna continue to go out as well. She does say tho shes not wanting to meet anyone or date anyone. on the same note, neither do i really...i just want her, and maybe im wrong but i feel she still does want to be with me (perhaps some of you could enlighten me a lil from what ive said about that). Once again tho it goes back to wanting to help her family, shes putting her family first and going to try to help them...she did what she thought she needed to do right now and that was put a stop to us while she worked out things with her mom and dads divorce and trying to cover the bills, etc. I guess it all boils down to the same question ive asked before and the title of my topic...im confused...am i doing the right thing here? does it seem like theres hope for us, or am i just being dumb and reading things wrong? thanks again for the advice guys n gals.



Colt18

[jinx343]

just give her more time and space.. 6 years is too long to just suddenly forget everything.. impossible. just keep showing her your support and love. she's just confused right now.

[GodsRose]

I agree with Jinx.Stop focusing on getting back together and just look at this as time apart.Focus on being her friend and help her as much as she needs your help.Six years is a long time to be together.Don't move in together.Moving in together would only cause more problems.Let her call you and be there for her.Give it some time.Time is a good thing.And she's being a good daughter.Its heartbreaking when your husband of so many years walks out on you for another woman.Think about her mom and stop being so consumed with your own desires.There is time to live out your desires but its not right now.Right now you need to be there for her and let her sort out her problems.Your now ex-girlfriend is not gone forever.Hold onto hope but more importantly listen to her and try not to bring up getting back together.She needs time and you want her to sort this out.Let her be there for her mom.It sounds like she is a good woman,you just have to be more patient.Her being there for her mom is more important at this time.I feel bad for her mom,really and it may take several months before you know any answers about getting back together with her.Be patient because love is patient and love endures and there is hope.Sincerely,Rose

[kai]

well don't breakup with her . She is going through a lot of problems and needs some time . Be there whenever she calls u and give her your full support . That would be the best thing to do.

6 years is a long time man . I would do anythin to save my relationship if I was at ur position

[colt18]

I didnt breakup with her....she did with me, citing the reasons was her stuff going on with the family...etc. anywho last night she called a few times, i was asleep and didnt hear my phone.....then she sent me a few texts messages...the first one saying she called, but since i didnt answer she thought i was busy...4 minutes later she sends another saying have a good night, talk to you some other time.....and the one that woke me up was "C u forgot about me already..goodbye. i called her of course after i woke up...im giving her her space and supporting her as best as i can with her family and trying to keep our situation on the downlow...although she says she doesnt want to be with me.....these texts and calls, her being upset about me going out for a drink with my friends, telling me she doesnt want to know if i do it again, etc (even tho she has done it a few times now, gone out for a drink or to a movie with friends) seems to me that it isnt what she really wants....any ideas now? im pretty much at a lose...i love her to death...and i TRUELY believe she does me as well....


Colt18

[Gigabitch]

I think you should just tell her you're always there for her and then just move on with your life. I think she's doing you a favor, letting you out of the drama zone.

[colt18]

So its been a few days since my last post....we had a 2 hour or so long talk earlier in the week, basically started talking about just random things but of course it led to us. She tells me i still have her heart and goes on to say she wants to get out from where she lives. Again tho she says she doesnt know what she wants, but her just talkin to me leads me to believe she still wants to be with me....then yesterday she texts me out the blue and then we call each other and talk for a few. We talk a lil more about random things,stuff going on with her mom and dads divorce, then it leads to me and her again. I guess we both realize we couldve done more for our relationship....she has people telling her she should just forget about me and move on, i ask her if thats what she wants and she says she doesnt listen to people she listens to her heart.....basically anything we talk about us...she says she doesnt know, but i get the feeling shes saying one thing, like she doesnt know but by the way her voice sounds she means another, like she knows she wants to be with me but its hard on her and such. Again im not calling her or texting her, im letting her reach out to me, is it the right thing? i wonder cause if i dont do these things would that not push her farther away, I really dont want to loose this girl after everything weve been through and as i said before 6 yrs and all of a sudden end it, i just dont think you could and can do that....anyways any more ideas or opinions, i would love to to hear if im doing the right thing.


Colt18

[jinx343]

i'm not so sure about that "not communicating" part of yours. your girl clearly needs someone who will really be there for her. she's in a very bad situation and i guess the thought that everybody could just leave her anytime and the thought what had happened to her parents might also happen to her is definitely freakin' her out. so she's trying to get herself unattached as possible at the moment coz i think she's so afraid of everything. again.. she's too confused of what she really wants at the moment due to some factors affecting her state of mind.

i bet she's trying to see if you will really stick to her no matter what. that's how i see it.

[WilsonC]

I think you've handled it pretty well so far colt. I'm pretty sure she still wants to be with you but like all the rest have already said, you need to give her some time and space. Step back a bit but continue to give her the support she needs because you don't want her drift too far away.

[colt18]

just wanted to say thanks for all the replys ive gotten about this, sorry i hadnt been around...things really havent changed. We talk basically every night not necessarily about us but just talk.....today tho i got off early and she was online so we started talking and she says shes been thinking about what she wants alot today and goes on to tell me she just wants to be alone for awhile, she feels bad etc, like shes dragging me along for something she doesnt want, says everytime we talk she ends up crying after we hang up....(i guess i need a womens translation for that, is she crying because she still is in love with me or because she feels bad?...i dont know) then we talk more about it and i say: "In all honesty is this what you really want, can you not see us together? being married. etc the whole nine yards....she then says shes just ****ed up...honestly she has no damn idea..t.hen says she needs to get back to work...i tell her i love her...and ask if we will talk tonight and she says shes got to figure this out 100% and when she does she will call me...until then she doesnt want to talk to me over the phone or see me...we can still comunicate over instant messaging or myspace, i asked if she still has any feelings for me like she used too and she says she does...to please just trust her thats all shes asking, she knows shes horrible for doing it and apologizes to me for it but she needs this for her.....theres not much i can really say or do so i say ok...am i doing the right thing or am i really reading it right and i think to myself that what she has already told me is what she wants to begin with? i guess i feel no speaking to me is just going to help her distance herself from me......i dont know any and all advice is deffinatly appreciated guys n gals....


thanks,
Colt

[jinx343]

in my opinion, when a girl says she still loves you and ends up crying everytime she talks to the guy she loves, i think she's crying coz she missed the guy and she wants to be with him but is not just ready and cannot really decide yet what she really wants. it's tearing her apart.

just do as she asks. if she still keeps saying she still loves you like before, then that's it. give her the time and space she asks from you. if you really love her, just hang on.