I didn't handle well, will things cool down if I give her time?

[kev1987]

My girlfriend broke up with me three weeks ago. She said she is more burdened than happy whenever I contact her. She doesn't know how to tell me straight to my face and she just wants to be friends because she is not ready to commit yet. We are both studying in different colleges and were having a distant relationship.

It all started on last December, after her college grades had dropped. Her whole character changed. She was depressed, didn't want to talk, to meet and else. It was a total opposite before her results were out. She doesn't want to tell me at first but I kept asking and in the end she spilled eveything out that her mother had hint her that she being in a relationship is the factor of her drop in gades. I tried to be there for her and cheer her up whenever she wants but she said she wants to settle this alone. I limit myself not to disturb her all the time and let her focus in her studies.

Two months passed, I thought she got better and tried to ask her out because my friends from overseas are here to visit me and they are so eager to mee her also. I got declined because she has housework to do. I asked after a few days again to meet up before she goes back to her college. She said she couldn't make it at first but I asked her to make just some time out and she was okay with it.

On that day, she came. But she just stayed for about 10 minutes and wanted to go back home because her mother prepared lunch. I wasn't happy at all and I asked her "You aren't interested to visit me huh?" She nodded her head. I was angry ofcourse but I didn't say anything, she left. I messaged her later telling her she made me really disappointed and what is really going on with her? She replied telling me the things I said earlier. When I tried to explain to her she doesn't want to reply me anymore.

I tried to other ways but I just couldn't reach her. She even blocked my MSN ID. Due to desperation, I used a fake ID and deceived her. I know this is wrong but I just can't think of any other ways. I pretended to be somebody else and try to make things better. At first she was determined that things are not working out between us. She said I was too clingy and she isn't interested in clingy people. But as I explained to her, she told me to wait till May. I said why not you tell him yourself? She said okay maybe later. I haven't got anything from her anymore.

Before we got together, she did told me we were not official because she doesn't want to get involved in a relationship until we have graduated. I am fine with that because we are graduating next year. But now things have come to be like this. Sigh..Will she come back to me even if wait till May? Is there anything can be done?

[Perryville]

Dude, sorry but there isn't shit you can do about this. If you keep trying to contact her, you will drive her away more. If she has any interest in you as a BF, she will contact you later. Meanwhile, you should work on yourself and maybe date other people.

[TremblingBluSta]

Yeah. You need to stop the acts of desperation right now! I know it sucks and hurts deeply to be rejected by someone you have feelings for, or even someone you just like intensely, but obsessing over one girl won't do you a wit of good when there are so many other great girls out there!

Your story set off alarms for me when she told you her grades dropped because of her relationship with you. I'm calling bullshit on that one! Women are very capable of multitasking, keeping up their studies and having an active social life in college. Unless she is taking more classes than she should, or you are demanding she spend every waking second with you, there is absolutely no reason why she couldn't date and keep up her studies.

She is making excuses. Time for you to dismiss this one!

[Gigabitch]

You are freaking her out. She told you from the beginning to take it easy and you've become extremely intense. You have to back off.

[Doc Durian]

You want an intense gal, she isn't one.

Get out while the getting is good.

It can only get worse from here on in.

[cmacattack1]

Notice how her reasons went from her grades to her parents to you being too clingy. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that you keep persisting, and maybe it had something to do with the fact that she had other issues. It's all entirely possible, being a person that changed on his ex because of personal issues I had. Either way, the bottomline is the same: any effort you do now will further piss her off and push her away. She said no the first time and you can't talk your way back in. I wouldn't be surprised if May came and gone and you didn't hear a word from her either. You have to face the facts that there is nothing you can do. Maybe you can't accept her reasons seeing as she is changing her mind on why she can't be with you, but whatever they are, they are there.

You are at your own university. As difficult as it is, I would suggest trying somebody new out or keep your eyes peeled for other gals. Nothing serious, keep it casual. You never know who you might meet and it will be far less work. That's what my ex did and she's been in a relationship since we broke up and seems happy.

[kev1987]

Thanks for all the replies,

Yes, I kept persisting for a couple of days when I saw that she wanted to stop being a couple and be 'just friends' and I think every guy on this planet would do the same if they like or love a person over this extent.

Thinking back how I deceived her in this manner, I'm feeling sorry in every way how I acted due to desperation. It maybe true she has other issues that she doesn't want to let me know. It is also true that we can't talk our way back into things like these. But there is one thing for sure, she did consider of getting serious in this relationship until her grades ruin everything which I believe I am responsible in a part of it. Well, she is a first class student and had rejected dozens of guys before me(I'm her first boyfriend) plus with her family going against her having a boyfriend, I think this is the best she can do.

I think this is a perfect timing to keep my distance from her and figure out why did I lost control over my cool in the first place. Of course I might meet a better girl out there later, but now I preferto sort things out why I'd even push things so hard when things are so obvious in the fist place. Hopefully shit like this will never happen again.

[cmacattack1]

You may have feel responsible for her grades sucking but it isn't your fault. She is in control of her actions and the time she spent hanging out with you instead of doing her work was chosen by her. You didn't put a gun to her head. She may need to find herself and reestablish some balance in her life before she can entertain a relationship as well.

Don't beat yourself up for that. She didn't manage her time well enough to have a relationship and keep her grades up. That's not on you. I'm sure with all the pressure she had on herself to do well from her family and her, she probably needed a break and you did bring some happiness to her otherwise you wouldn't have been her boyfriend. Now that she is getting rode on by her family again, I'm sure she trying to get them off her back and your pressure and begging couldn't have come at a worse time.

Anybody that has that kind of pressure from their family to succeed is going to crack at some point. I kind of feel sorry for her in a way.

[kev1987]

Okay, a few days passed since I last posted. And things aren't getting well a bit, I even feel worse than before! My head is just swirling with the idea of explaining things to her why I'd turned out to be needy. I kept myself busy for the past few days. Work on my assignments, revisions, went down hill on my trusty bicycle, mountain climbing, hang out with friends. But till the end of the day, I'm still thinking about her the whole night. Her finals are in a few more weeks ahead so I think it will be a REALLY bad timing if I were to explain things now. It feels like I'm going to explode soon. How can I keep myself under control?

[Kaius]

Go out and meet someone new. You need a girl who appreciates your clinginess. I know many girls who wish their man paid more attention to them....so there is demand for a guy like you, who wants to take care of his woman.
Who knows, you'll soon discover that you're happier with someone else. I mean, the whole purpose of dating is to find someone who makes you happy, and whom you can share happiness with.
If it doesn't work out that way, then it's not right. Life is too short to mope around with someone who doesn't appreciate what you have to offer.
I am 35 and I am barely realizing it.

[soulsurvivor23]

Honestly, it seems like she is playing games. If you want a commitment and she doesn't, please don't waste your time.

[dyno31225]

Honestly, it seems like she is playing games. If you want a commitment and she doesn't, please don't waste your time.

i agree...

[kev1987]

Back here to speak my heart out again...It's has been some time since we broke up, still nothing from her. When I see the things or go to some places we used to hang out, my head starts to think about the times we had together. Bad idea I know, I'm trying to take things as easy as posibble. My friend knows some of her friends as well and he told me he found out that things arent going so well for her too. She is feeling down for quite sometime now and seemed to be confused. I don't know she is depressed because of the stress from her assignments or she broke up with me or both but he keeps on telling me to be patient.
Sigh..Have anyone of you people out there had something similar to mine? What had you guys done? I'm not as cool as some of you out there to just 'let go' of everything like I was told.

[cmacattack1]

Letting go is not something you can just decide to do and be done with it. It's a struggle every day to get by. They say this because it's what you need to do but it doesn't mean it's easy or simple. It takes a consistent effort on your part to do this for you.

[DulceReina]

Totally agree!