Not sure what I should do about feelings for ex boyfriend

[Christinepaul]

I still have feelings for my ex (we're both 21). He seems like he still has feelings for me. I honestly have never had feelings for someone like I do for him. Instant attraction and comfort the first day we met. We broke up about 9 months ago and haven't seen each other since, but we talk through text almost every day still. He's been trying to get me to hang out with him for months, but have both been really busy and it hasn't happened yet. He hasn't specifically mentioned us getting back together, but he'll say things that hint at it. "we should watch this movie together sometime." "come over, i'll cook you dinner and rub your feet" "i miss having you around" "i miss the way you smell", wants to know more about my family, my friends, etc, etc, etc, etc.
He's trying to be sweet without being too pushy.

We broke up because he was really wishy-washy on me, couldn't open up to me, pushed me away for no reason. Eventually I had had enough and decided to end it instead of waiting around for him to leave. That was around March.
He told me about a week ago that his mom is an alcoholic and really awful right now. He's been going to therapy ever since we broke up and finally found someone he really likes as a therapist, and he's getting better, but I still don't know how invested I can get. He's been opening up more about his life/ his past/ his family/ his anxieties. He never really liked to talk about them before, but now he's offering information unprompted. He's apologized for the way he acted, and admitted he was pushing me away even though he really wanted it to work, but he didn't know why. (Honestly, he seems to have a lot of the characteristics of an adult raised by an alcoholic parent, even though he says this only started 3 or 4 years ago)

I know I care about him and I know he cares about me, but it's really hard to get into a relationship again wholeheartedly when I know he could just push me away again. And I've sort of been avoiding hanging out with him because I know it's probably going to lead to these questions, and I don't know how I feel yet. I don't feel prepared. I wish I could just move on like any other relationship gone wrong, but I really can't, I've tried so hard.

I'm just frustrated and confused about it I guess. needed to rant a little.

[4 ratties]

First off.. You'll never move on from someone if your talking to them everyday obviously.
If u really did love him and want to be with him, u would of been able to find an hour of your time to hang out with him these last few months. I think you truly are done with him but don't even know it because u talk to him everyday and entertain the thought.

[Christinepaul]

First off.. You'll never move on from someone if your talking to them everyday obviously.
If u really did love him and want to be with him, u would of been able to find an hour of your time to hang out with him these last few months. I think you truly are done with him but don't even know it because u talk to him everyday and entertain the thought.

I guess I should rephrase that. We didn't talk for a long time because I knew it wouldn't help me get over him, it took all summer before I would. It's only been recently that we started talking this much. And hanging out was literally impossible because he lives about an hour away and we are both in school all day, except for the parts where we were in different countries for a while.