Why hasn't he told me?

[Lucinda]

Hey everyone, just like a lot of others on here, I need advice and would be grateful for some!!
Me and my boyfriend are both 22 and have been together just over a year now. We're both very happy and it's all going well. We are sexually active although he has experienced some difficulties performing...particularly when we first tried to be intimate with one another. After some research he discovered that perhaps porn had a negative effect on him and he had become desensitised when it came to intercourse with a real woman. However, soon after this discovery, we were able to be intimate with no problems at all and have been since.
A month back, he told me to go into his email and do something for him, as I was doing so, I discovered a bunch of online prescriptions for viagra that have been prescribed to him since we started being intimate and pretty much every time we had been intimate in our relationship. I feel hurt that he's lied to me yet worried for him at the same time. Do I tell him I know? Do I leave it? What do I do?
Some advice would be great!!

[colemansara176]

Erectile dysfunction and similar issues are a touchy subjects for men. He is probably embarrassed and feeling less masculine because of this. His ego is bruised. The fact that he hasn't told you about his prescriptions tell me that he didn't want to let you down. Both in bed and out. He probably is worried about you will think less of him as a man, which he doesn't want. But if you guys are serious about each other then he should've told you. If you really love him you wouldn't tease him, or put him down any more than he is doing to himself (and I'm not saying that you are). You should be there to let him know that you love him just as much and you will be there for him no matter what. And he should know this.
Give him a little time to see if he tells you and if he doesn't then bring it up gently.
In the meantime maybe try to massage his ego. Make him feel manly and sexy and let him know how much you love him as the strong, sexy, manly man that he is. Make him feel masculine

[anya_may21]

I don't think you tell him you read it through his emails obviously he doesn't think you are a snoopy girl or he wouldn't have told you to check his email for him, unless he wanted you to see that stuff and then you bring it up.

IDK it could be both ways, I think he should bring it up that way you know you won't embarrass him because he wants to discuss it if he brings it up.

I feel it doesn't bother you he is using it as much as not telling you he is using it.

You said you are happy with the sex now, so leave as is and wait to see if he tells you himself.

[Grimraven]

Don't tell him about the pills, I mean what good is that going to do?
instead, try asking him, what outfit and what behavior that you would have would turn him on the most and what turns him on the most in general.
Watching porn can boost your fantasy levels to the extreme and maybe your boyfriend has certain fantasies that really turns him on, but he is not comfortable telling you about. This is where you would help him to open up by asking him about his sex fantasies.
Unless, he has some potency problems, which I doubt that is the case here, he should not need the pills to have sex with you.
In addition, porn does not make you less sensitive, just as FYI. If anything porn boosts your sex drive but it does not make you less sensitive.

One thing porn does is set your fantasy standards high and this could have an effect. For example, when he masturbates while watching porn, he can pick the hottest girl video he wants when she is done pretty much any way he chooses. Now, when he is with you, it might be a downgrade to his fantasies due to many factors. It could be that he desires a certain way to have sex with you but he is uncomfortable to open up or that perhaps you are not as in shape as he would like you to be, but he would not tell you that since he loves you and does not want to hurt you.

You can even suggest watching porn together if that would help him getting turn on.
One thing for sure is that there is always a way even without pills, you just have to help him find it.

Good luck,
Grim

[michelle23]

I suggest you do your own research on the negative affects of porn use. At 22-he shouldn't need viagra. This is a real problem-one I wouldn't be happy about.

First he needs to rule out other causes (hormonal, lack of testosterone, ED, anxiety, addiction etc)

Hes admitted to over use of porn and said it has affected him so has he stopped watching it cold turkey? Does he need help to stop?

[Grimraven]

Overusing porn? Are you kidding me?
Michelle23, what do you know about it?
Let me tell you. I was watching porn for my entire life pretty much every day while I was single to satisfy my needs.
I am 29, married and have no problems with my sex life, I give my wife an orgasm every single time we have sex.
So no, porn cannot be overused, you are simply misinformed and are trying to spread a misinformation to others.