he lied to why?

[kay]

hi i was seeing this guy for almost 10 months and he was the nicest guy, he was sweet and very respectful. As time went by we grew closer to each other and he would tell me he cared for me alot. That no matter what he will always care. I am divorce and mother of two kids.He has one and our kids even met. Well after 10 months went by i found out he had a girlfriend, well he called me to tell me his ex found out about us and that she might call, so she did but she told me they have been together for five years, she went on telling really bad things about him, really persoal stuff about them, like he was a porn freak and that he always had to be watching porn videos and more bunch f stuff. Well i was in shock because with me he was just a total diffrent person always respectful, sweet, and willing to help me out if i needed something. That same day i just text him and told him that i didnt want to know anything about him, that he lied to me and that everything they told me about him really shocked me. I told him that i thought i knew him and that all this time i was talking to the wrong person. i told him hated him for lying you name it i told him everything i felt. This has been a month already since it happen and he hasnt called or text me. Im really sad i thought he cared for me and he did this why? why come this far if he wanted to play with me. But its just so hard to believe that all he wanted was something from me. Because when we would see each other we just had a good time talking and enjoying each others company, he even told me i dont want you for sex i like talking to you, i enjoy spending time with you and jus being with you. but after this im confuse what he really wanted. The girl even told me that he was going to propose to her. Can someone advise me please. Will he ever call or no?

[IndiReloaded]

Are you saying you would actually believe someone's ex who called you up specifically to talk shit about them? Over your own opinion of the person you are dating & your own observations?

Have you considered she was just trying to make trouble? Try to think about what HER motives might be. I doubt its out of the pure goodness of her heart.

If you are concerned about anything, you need to discuss it with him. Try to avoid judgements prior to investigation.

[Cain]

Exactly.

Honestly, if I was dating you and you all of a sudden started badmouthing me, believing my ex over me, I'd be too pissed off at you to call you. I'd have moved on. If you won't approach him like an adult, then why should he waste his time?

[kay]

thanks for replying but i didnt explain myself. He actually called me to tell me that he's ex was going to call me because she found out we were talking and i was so what and he said im just lettig you know. So that same day she called me and told me that they are together and that he's been with her 5 years. She she found out of me. The thing is that after me sending him that text telling him that i didnt want to talk to him anymore and that all this time i was talikng to a stranger and that everything they told me really shocked me. He hasnt even bothered saying sorry or somethin do you think its because he's wondering what she told me about him and he's afraid how im gonna react? or why hasnt he called or text. Should i just forget him, its just that besides anything else i thought we had a good friendship based on respect and trust and finding out he had a girlfriend really hurt me. But yet he hasnt bothered to explain anythin

[IndiReloaded]

Tell him what she told you & ask if its true. Use your judgement. If its true, dump him.

If you have been dating for 10 months, you must have a sense by now as to his character & if anything seems amiss. One can't easily hide two partners for that amount of time. I don't think you're telling us everything. Sure he's as hunky-dory as you described him in your first post?

[Cain]

thanks for replying but i didnt explain myself. He actually called me to tell me that he's ex was going to call me because she found out we were talking and i was so what and he said im just lettig you know. So that same day she called me and told me that they are together and that he's been with her 5 years. She she found out of me. The thing is that after me sending him that text telling him that i didnt want to talk to him anymore and that all this time i was talikng to a stranger and that everything they told me really shocked me. He hasnt even bothered saying sorry or somethin do you think its because he's wondering what she told me about him and he's afraid how im gonna react? or why hasnt he called or text. Should i just forget him, its just that besides anything else i thought we had a good friendship based on respect and trust and finding out he had a girlfriend really hurt me. But yet he hasnt bothered to explain anythin

You still haven't explained yourself, apparently. From what I gathered, you listened to his ex badmouth you and tell you all of these negative things about him and instead of calling him and asking him about what she said, you immediately started badmouthing him and believing what the ex said.

If I were him, my thoughts would be exactly this: "Wow, she listens to my ex, someone she's never met, and believes everything she says, even though she's known me long enough to know this is all bullshit. Whatever, I'm done with this girl."

[kay]

Tell him what she told you & ask if its true. Use your judgement. If its true, dump him.

If you have been dating for 10 months, you must have a sense by now as to his character & if anything seems amiss. One can't easily hide two partners for that amount of time. I don't think you're telling us everything. Sure he's as hunky-dory as you described him in your first post?

well there was more stuff she told me but its too much to say. I mean we would see each other but we wouldnt go out all the time cause i have kids and work so i was pretty busy all the time. Well im just thinking if it wasnt true why wouldnt he want to say something to me after what i told him?

[Cain]

well there was more stuff she told me but its too much to say. I mean we would see each other but we wouldnt go out all the time cause i have kids and work so i was pretty busy all the time. Well im just thinking if it wasnt true why wouldnt he want to say something to me after what i told him?

Because you pissed him off! Whether you believed his ex or not, you should NOT have accused him of lying without approaching him first. You went about this the wrong way... You should have approached him with what the ex said and asked about it. The fact that you immediately accused him of being a lying sack of shit didn't make him think "Oh man, I need to respond to this woman asap!"

[kay]

Because you pissed him off! Whether you believed his ex or not, you should NOT have accused him of lying without approaching him first. You went about this the wrong way... You should have approached him with what the ex said and asked about it. The fact that you immediately accused him of being a lying sack of shit didn't make him think "Oh man, I need to respond to this woman asap!"

Thanks for ur advise cain, but you dont think its too late to get in touch with him or should i wai and see if he calls or somethin

[IndiReloaded]

Well im just thinking if it wasnt true why wouldnt he want to say something to me after what i told him?

IF he's been burning the candle at both ends (find out) then who cares why?

What on earth would you expect? That someone who does this kind of thing would actually feel remorse or guilt? LOL, you sound pretty naive.

As we've been saying, tho, at the moment this is all conjecture. You need to talk to him & find out if there's any truth in this. It could be true or it could be a load of hooey. In which case, I would totally understand why he'd be pissed at you for even believing this other gal before checking with him. I wouldn't want to speak w/you either in that case.

Find out. That is all.

[Cain]

Exactly, that's all you can do.

And no, don't wait for him to call. It's been a month. If he hasn't called yet he's not going to call now. If you really want this guy, you need to call him and apologize for the way you acted and then have a discussion about what the ex said. Chances are that this guy has already moved on, though.

[mtinlove]

so wait he had a girlfriend while you were also his girlfriend? if so dont listen to any of these people because he is clearly a piece of shit.

[Cain]

so wait he had a girlfriend while you were also his girlfriend? if so dont listen to any of these people because he is clearly a piece of shit.

You obviously are just like the damn OP and would make the same mistake she made. She doesn't know for sure if this guy was dating someone or not. He said the girl was his ex and the girl that called (the ex) said they were dating. It's he said/she said. The problem is the OP didn't ask the damn bf if it was true.

[IndiReloaded]

so wait he had a girlfriend while you were also his girlfriend? if so dont listen to any of these people because he is clearly a piece of shit.

Read the original post from the OP, mtinlove.

Cain, lol, you get really touchy about this subject. There IS a third possibility in these cases, one the guy obviously didn't care enough to choose: he COULD have called HER up & told her he was disappointed she was being such a dumbass to actually believe this other chick (if she was lying). Could have called her on her immature way of dealing with this.

Clearly he doesn't care enough, tho, which is another bad sign for this relationship. Ah well.

[Cain]

Well, yeah, there was that third option. But the relationship was only 10 months old. I doubt he was madly in love. He most likely just looked at it as a failed experience.