not a good time?

[steven001]

I started seeing this girl who had just gotten out of back to back multiple year long relationships. She seemed very interested and did most of the pursuing and even made the move for the first kiss.

She put on the brakes after a few weeks saying she initially did want to get into a relationship with me, but said she felt like she confused her feelings for me with actually wanting to get involved. She said that we have fun personalities together and she feels very comfortable around me, but due to her being in long relationships she feels she hasn't found her niche anywhere and needs to make it on her own right now.

She said there is a possibility of it in the future, but she doesn't know where the next year could take her. She is a junior in college and I am a senior with a year and a half left, so I think that's kind of her just being practical.

In your neutral opinion, do you think I'm out of luck with this or do you think this could possibly go somewhere? She seems to really like me and we've still been hanging out here and there, but it feels like we're a tad more than friends still. She broke up with her boyfriend for the reason she doesn't want to get into a relationship with me and I feel she is being honest, but I just don't know. I can't help but feel she'd be in a relationship with me if it really was something special, but I don't know.

How much contact should I keep with her if I hope to pursue it in the future?

[galaxydood]

You could be correct in assuming that she may be wary of stepping into yet another full blown relationship so soon after her previous ones.

Nonetheless, you do indeed still have a chance with her - but it won't happen overnight. I have been in a similar situation with a girl who sounds like the one you describe... here are some suggestions that allowed me to win her over:

Try to avoid coming off as clingy at all costs, as this will certainly drive her away. Give her some space: don't call her every day, and at the beginning, avoid putting yourself into conventionally "date-like" scenarios with her (dinner, movies). Do not indicate to her that you are suffering without her; she needs to see that you are doing perfectly fine on your own. It may help to put yourself in a situation where she sees you flirting with other girls to create a healthy amount of jealousy. If she sees that you have other options available, then you will be in a good position

Best of luck to ya

[Raze]

Damn, dude. I wouldn't wait for her. It's her problem, not yours. =) Don't wait on her, move on. The relationship isn't all about you, you are part of this equation too, don't forget that. She is part of your equation but you are not part of her equation. Find someone who wants to be part of your equation. Best of luck!

[bloodtippedrose]

I agree with raze. If she wanted to be with you she wouldnt push you away. And saying shes not ready for another committed relationship is an excuse.

[steven001]

I agree with raze. If she wanted to be with you she wouldnt push you away. And saying shes not ready for another committed relationship is an excuse.

Well, the thing is she isn't exactly pushing me away. She still wants to hang out here and there and it still kind of feels like a date honestly. I just say this because I've had a girl who was pushing me away before and I just don't exactly feel those same signals. I don't know if that makes sense.

She said something about not wanting to cling to the feelings she has for me. I think for her being in a relationship has kind of been what's comfortable. She doesn't seem to have any problem talking about the situation between us and I feel she is being very honest. I feel confident saying that because we were pretty decent friends for awhile before things picked up (while she had a boyfriend) and I got to know her pretty well.

I kind of also suspect she's afraid of the drama it would create between her ex if she were to get into another relationship, especially after breaking up with him for wanting to be single.

Don't get me wrong, I know I shouldn't wait for a girl in this situation, but I'd like to keep the possibility open for the future without getting overly involved

[Raze]

Forget her. If she's afraid, she's not worth it. Drama in a relationship is inevitable. If you're willing to wait, that's your own choice. I wouldn't recommend it. Been there, done that. You've been warned.

[bloodtippedrose]

Don't get me wrong, I know I shouldn't wait for a girl in this situation, but I'd like to keep the possibility open for the future without getting overly involved

well there ya go you already know what to do. Nothing wrong with keeping possibilities open. I just didn't want you to hold onto a girl that sticks you in the friend zone and starts eventually dating other people.