wife's "brother -like" friend

[Jgpboone]

On the day of our wedding shower my I saw a text on my wife's phone from her ex boyfriend which she calls her "brother-like" friend. I read it and he was congrsdulating her and said don't forget about "us." she had wrote back "don't worry and when I think of you I think of mariah careys song-don't forget about us" this angered me and I've tried to shared with my wife that it makes me feel like she's closer to him than she is to me. She refuses to talk to me about it. She says I'm being childish. I've tried to put it out of my mind but he is a singer at our church and has cd's and she has everyone of them and everytime I get in the car after her that's what's playing in the car cd player. Everytime we go to church and he's there she sits right behind him. Everytime they talk her face lights up unlike with me. And one we went to his birthday party where I didn't know anyone there and litterally abandoned me at a table by myself and spent the whole time at his side. Am I just paranoid or do I have a right to feel uneasy and although it's been 4 years now that we have been married how do I show my wife how this makes me feel without making her mad? She's already told me that she's tired of me bringing this up but it's affecting my love for her. I'm at the point that I'm beggining to not want anything to do with her but I'm scared I'm just letting jealosy get the best of me, but I'm also scared I'm spending my life with someone who isn't fully into me and doest respect my feelings. Help!

[doppelgaenger]

Did she **** her brother, too?

[VincenzoG91]

That's too bad that she's "tired" of talking about this. She should take a nap, and when she finally wakes up, she needs to acknowledge that the marriage is supposed to take priority over her relationship with her ex-boyfriend. If she doesn't agree, I think that divorce should be the next topic of discussion.

[Jas_mine]

Aww, I feel for you, I really do, there's nothing annoying like having a third person in your relationship but was he not there from day one, like before you got married? Why was this issue not addressed and dealt with years ago when you both were just dating and not committed as such?

I can't figure out what the deal with her and the ex-brotherly dude is, it does sound rather suspicious though. Something I can tell you though is that she is being completely insenstive and just plain rude, her behaviour is extremely disrespectful. You need to be more firm and insistent mister, don't give her the opportunity to dismiss your feelings on the matter, she should be reassuring you not making you seem unreasonable. You are her hubby, she chose to spend the rest of her life with you therefore you should be the number one man in her life, since you are not there is something fundamentally wrong in your relationship. Good luck dude, hope it goes well, do keep us posted.

[xxazurexx]

Sounds to me that it's her ex who still has the hots for her. Why else would he ask her to remember 'us'...?

just want to point out anyway, that we women can actually have male friends and without wanting to bed them. I'm thinking that although it does look disrespectful, she's likely just holding a fondness for him, as you do for a brother.

I have an ex and it kinda turned into a brotherly, sisterly relationship.....close, but not that close we were still being intimate

End of day, she married you, not him....

[Gigabitch]

Even if he's "brother-like", he's coming between you and that's a problem. I don't like the way she completely dismisses you about it, either. Her affection and loyalty are divided and she seems to be fine with that, and that's a red flag.

[Jgpboone]

Thanks for the replies! I do appreciate the support and advice. I realize women can have friends that are guys and I'm good with that. I just wish I felt the same enthusiasm from her that I see he gets from her. And yes this stuff went on before we were married but the things that went on were so minute that I didn't pay attention and if it did bother me I just assumed it was me having a low self esteem so I didn't say anything. I'd be allright if she would take the time to talk about it and Make me feel like she understood why it was making me feel this way. Oh well, thanks for listening to me everyone!

[vashti]

Why do you put more concern into whether or not she gets mad than she does?

[Incognito]

Probably because she is usually the aggressor in the arguments. I was where you were Jgpboone as far as arguments and such. It didn't hit home for my wife that she didn't have the right to treat me badly until I left her ass one morning 1500 miles away with a check for food and 1 month left on the lease. She was singing a different tune after that. We are together now having other issues, but that isn't one of them. One day you'll get fed up and do something so out of the ordinary that either you'll shock her into changing or you'll realize that she won't change no matter what you do (in which case its time to move on).

[Jas_mine]

True say Incognito - sometimes you need to just be assertive and not stand for any nonsense - tell her you mean business, and if that doesn't work, show her!