I dumped her and now I feel like dying. Please help me.

[simonmagus]

Hello all,
I am back again with my insanity folloing closely behind me. I finally broke up with my girlfriend. Last Saturday night she was supposed to come over after I got off work but blew me off to go out for a wild night of partying with god knows who. She never called me back or responded to any messages even when both myself and her parents were calling the hospitals and jail around 3am desperately trying to see if she is ok. I was so sick with worry, not only for her physical safety but also because I have always been paranoid of being cheated on and she recently met a new guy friend who I am suspicious of. So the following day when she finally called me, I told her exactly how I felt... lied to, ignored, let down, and possibly cheated on.

Days have gone by and she doesn't try to call. She has shared custody of her daughter from a previous marriage during the first half of the week so I didn't expect much during that time. Last night I sent her an email detailing what I considered to be our major problems and esseantially told her that I was tired of her mistreating me and that we shouldn't be together anymore. I guess I was trying to provide myself with some sort of closure and to give myself the illusion that I was in control of the situation. I started freaking out and worrying about whether she would respond, what she might say. I secretly hoped she would call and tell me how much she loved me and wanted me back. I began hacking into her email to try and delete the letter I wrote. Too late, she was logged in at the same time I was on her account. She knows that I am capable of doing that and when you log in at the same time from 2 different PC, the initial one gets kicked off. That is what happened, i logged in on her account, she got booted in the middle of typing a reply to me. Then she called. I was scared because I had been caught in her email and i didn't answer. She left the mail she was typing and never sent it to me. Never called back either.

Now I am going crazy. I hate how she has made me feel but I can't live without her. I desperately want to hold her just as badly as I want her to change and be respectful of my feelings. I need to let her go because she is not good for me but I do not think I can live without her. Now I am reduced sending her a final pathetic text message begging her to talk to me. I don't know if she will call ever again. She probably thinks I am crazy, which is true. I am desperate for attention from her to the point I am debating doing irrational and dangerous things.

Someone, anyone, please help me. Just tell me what to do as I am frozen with fear and rejection.

[smackie9]

How about get over it. Your head is finally taking over your heart and setting things right for once. You are not happy, but you will in time once you finally let this all go, and move on. It's painful at first, but you will heal from the waves of pain. In about a week or two you will start to feel normal, in about a month you will feel a great weight lifted off your shoulders and ready to face the world again. Seek out support from a close friend or family member to help you through this. You can do this.

[simonmagus]

I just can't hardly stand it. If she even contacts me and is the slightest bit nice I am sure I will immediately begin trying to get back together with her. It is to the point that I feel like I have failed her and made her treat me badly. It feels like I can either sit here waiting for her to love me again or I can go buy a whole bunch of beer and go find any girl who will listen. Shit, I would pay a prostitute just to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. Family and friends do not care about my stupid life anymore. This is about the 5th time this has happened and it is kinda like the boy who cried wolf. I am trying to remain rational but it is not working. I need someone to punch me in the face.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Hey Simon, just wanted to chime in and say, I told you so, and believe me I would love to punch you in the face you fairy.

Get a hobby. Get a life. If you had these things to begin with, you wouldn't be so willing to put up with her nonsense.

[Wakeup]

If she contacts you ignore her. She's not ready to be in a relationship or a mother for that matter. What mother goes out until 3:00 am and doesn't bother to call to see if her kid is even okay?

Give yourself more than 5 mins to get over her for goodness sakes. You can't expect to be indifferent to her immediately but give yourself a shake. Once you've sat there and figured out that you're better off without her, her immaturity, her kid and her still partying ways you'll likely be glad you're clear of it all.

You don't need a freaking prostitute to hold you and tell you everything will be okay... what are you saying? Go to the gym and work it off instead of needing another dysfunctional-type woman to make your boobo go away.

This is about the 5th time this has happened

Well then, sport I suggest you start looking for women unlike the last five you've found attractive. You pick em afterall. Perhaps you should take some new courses to help you with your self-esteem, on how to read red flag behaviour when it is presented to you through a woman's piss poor actions and how to know when to distance yourself from a chick who is not good for you instead of sticking around until the same thing happens again so you can play a victim.

Sorry, but if this has happened to you five times... You are the common denominator. Work on your personal boundaries, self-worth and confidence so you don't have to suffer through a sixth time.

[simonmagus]

Hey Simon, just wanted to chime in and say, I told you so, and believe me I would love to punch you in the face you fairy.

Get a hobby. Get a life. If you had these things to begin with, you wouldn't be so willing to put up with her nonsense.

I sincerely hope that you never give that kind of advice to someone who is heartbroken and potentially a danger to themselves.

[simonmagus]

@ WakeUp - Wow. Do you work here or what? Are you a professional counselor? How do you come up with such good responses off the cuff like that? As usual, your clear vision is uplifting. I suppose I will go find something else to do this coming week and try to keep my mind occupied. I will try my best to avoid talking to her and getting sucked back into the void we pretended was love. I guess I will give it another week or two before I start thinking about offing myself, lol. Thanks for your help. Much appreciated.

[Wakeup]

@ WakeUp - Wow. Do you work here or what? Are you a professional counselor? How do you come up with such good responses off the cuff like that? As usual, your clear vision is uplifting. I suppose I will go find something else to do this coming week and try to keep my mind occupied. I will try my best to avoid talking to her and getting sucked back into the void we pretended was love. I guess I will give it another week or two before I start thinking about offing myself, lol. Thanks for your help. Much appreciated.

*bats eyelashes* I owe it all to Dr. Phil.

[Jack1]

Even though this is probably the last thing you want to hear at the moment I think its best for you to stop talking with her and move on. It seems like she has no respect for you and does not care about you the way you care for her. Even if you do get back together it will end in disaster eventually, save yourself the trouble man. Whatever you decide to do I hope it works out. Also I recommend you dont talk about illegal activities on forums and so on, or do them for that matter if indeed you were.

[simonmagus]

She came over a few days ago and wanted to "talk." I told her how I felt unappreciated. She told me about how my demanding respect from her is too much for her to handle and that I make her feel bad when I point out the times she treats me badly. She actually thinks that she should be able to treat me however she likes and that I should not ever say anything about it because it stresses her out to have someone point out her faults. Then she tells me about how she loves me and knows she will never find someone as caring and sensitive as me. Essentially, she wants to try to work things out and take it slow while also letting me know that I am a sissy with too many emotions that she won't deal with. She gave me just enough rope to hang myself. After our long drawn out crying screaming "talk" we had sex.

Played it cool for a couple days. We went out again on Sunday night and everything went great. She wasn't a bitch or anything. I did pry for a little info about the guy that I suspected her of seeing on the side. I had already gathered some info about this when I had previously done a little spying. She lied to me about trying to schedule a date with this guy. I did not point out that I knew she was lying as I didn't want to ruin what was probably our last fun and enjoyable evening with each other.

Now we come to the part of the week where she does not have custody of her daughter and things start to get crazy again. She called wanting me to try and find her some weed. I refused and she unleashed a fury of rude insulting behavior. She is obviously planning something this weekend that she doesn't want me to know about and wants to smoke pot or whatever. I volunteered to take her to see her favorite band out of town instead. She actually tried to make it seem as if I were causing her an incovenience and interrupting her busy life, which isn't really busy at all. She really wanted to see her fav band tho, but only if I would help her find weed. When I refused again, she yet again went on a rant about how we are supposed to be taking things slow and that I am just too overbearing and that she can't deal with me stressing her out. At this point I told her that I would be going to the concert without her and that I knew about her talking to the other guy. I suggested that while I go to the concert she should try to reschedule the romantic canoe trip she had already tried to go on with the other guy. She was speachless that I knew about that. Haven't heard a word since.

So here I am again. The first couple days are easy because I am still mad and shocked by her behavior. Come Saturday I will be freaking out and trying to call her and figure out if she is with the other guy. I know myself well enough to know that sheer insanity will set in and there is no telling what stupid things I may do. I know that I need to just let time pass and get over her, I just don't know how to do it.

[TheCafeTerrace]

You say you can't live without this girl, but so far the nicest thing you've said about her was that on Sunday "she wasn't being a bitch or anything". Everyone here knows what you need to do - stop seeing her, get over her, and for the love of god stop feeling sorry for yourself.

[Boisdevie]

I once had a girlfriend who turned out to be a real bitch. I dumped her. The OP should grow up and leave her alone. And get a grip. Perhaps some therapy.

[simonmagus]

Ah, the cold hard truth straight from the internet. Thanks guys. It really does help alot. Unfortunately, as I type this she is calling and sending me texts about how she is sorry, she loves me, she hates me, blah blah blah. I am not gonna answer the phone or reply. I am pretty sure she is just as crazy as I am. It is quite likely that neither one of us should be in any relationship.