Problems with boyfriend of 3 years.

[worriedone]

This is my first post here, so hello!

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, living together for a year and a bit. So far, everything has been amazing, no problems. But then a few days ago he started acting strangely, being very quiet with me, hardly talking at all. We finally talked about it yesterday and he told me that he's doubting how he feels about me, isn't sure if he's in love with me anymore. I got really upset (it was quite unexpected!) and he reassured me that he wants to try and make this work. He said it feels like we have slipped into being friends rather than lovers, which I suppose I can feel too. It's just hard to hear.

We're obviously going to try and make things right, spend more quality time together (at the moment, most of our time together is spend shopping, doing housework, boring things!) Especially as we are only 21, I think it's important that we have some fun together for a change! But the other thing is that since a couple of months ago, our sex life has got pretty boring/non-existant. I'm wondering if this could be part of the problem. I know this has definitely been something that is mostly my fault, I've been very stressed and busy with uni lately and not making time for sex and I could feel that it was putting a strain on us.

Sorry about the very long post! I guess I was just wondering if anyone else has been in this kind of situation and managed to turn things around? The fact that we both really want it to work means we have a good starting point, but is it even possible?

Thanks

[kitcat22]

I have never replied to any thread, but since I posted on here too trying to get some advice myself, I thought I would help you. It seems to me that you are too familiar with each other at such a young age. Do you live together? Sometimes familiarity breeds boredom and if you do want this guy, my advice to you is to distance yourself and make him do all the running. Absence makes the heart grow fonder for a man and the less you see of him the better. My father proposed to my mum and he was a sailor and never saw her. he is the one doubting how he feels about you and there is nothing you can do to change that. Analyzing, questioning, spending time - nothing will work. He has to realise what he has and what he could lose and the only way he will do that is if you are not around. Go out with your friends, book a holiday, tell him your clubbing and turn your phone off (even if you're not) but you have to make him want you ok? It may be that he isnt the right guy - you are still so young and maybe it is a good thing to break up. But if you love him and want to be with him, the only way to reignite the spark is to go off radar.
Hope this helps.

[worriedone]

Thanks for replying kitcat
That's actually exactly what I've done. This week I already had train tickets to come home and visit my parents for a week, so that was actually pretty good timing. I'm not going to see him for a week, which hopefully will make some difference because we do live together and see each other all the time.
Really hoping this works.

[devonbrown]

Relationships settle into comfort zones at times. That sounds like what is happening here with you and your bf. The fact that you both acknowledge it and want to make it better is a good thing. Now comes the hard part - breaking out of the apathy you have found your relationship in and making it enjoyable again.
I suggest going out on dates. Make it a point to have a date night or something like that. Plan it into your schedule.
As for the sex life, that goes though phases as well. Ask him to be understanding about it, but then consciously try to keep him excited. There are 3000 ways to go about doing that. Surprise is a very good one. He wants to know that you still want him. Just keep that in the back of your mind.

Good luck.

[spiritofjosh]

I agree with devonbrown. He can't force himself to have feelings for you. You can try to spice your relationship up and hopefully it's just going through an off phase but you're also both really young and are still mentally growing. So the harsh truth may end up being he's moving on mentally, not necessarily to another person. On the other hand I also agree kitkat22, if you distance yourself he'll notice an empty void with you and he'll wonder what was up. It's happened to me with my ex before many times, I thought I was "bored" with my relationship and that always helped.

[reeba]

That is why people should not live together without near future plans of getting married. You have already gone through the honeymoon phase. Now you are in the 'old couple' phase. Welcome to the real world.

Tell him that you want to move out, and go back to being his girl friend.