Does it ever get easier?? :(

[dior01]

Hello,

I posted here a few weeks ago about my ex-fiancee cheating on me.

It's been 4 months since the break-up. He is parading his new girlfriend around for me to see and hurt over and I haven't made any progress! I keep trying to remind myself that I left him because he was a cheater and a liar, and he disrespected me on numerous occasions.... but it really hurts to see him happy with someone else and move on SO QUICKLY. (2 weeks!!! that's all it took geez) Why is he happy with her and treats her better than he treated me? How can he bring himself to be in a serious relationship when 4 months ago we were a short time away from our wedding? Meanwhile, I cry myself to sleep EVERY night.. I see his name pop up everywhere (unusually often) and I can't focus or be happy.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is... when does it get easier? I am soooooo down on myself. Everyone tells me I am beautiful but I don't even see it anymore.. I guess that's what being cheated on repeatedly by a man you're in love with does to you. The fact that I left him and not vice-versa gives me little comfort too.. I just don't know what to do anymore. I keep looking at pictures of them on facebook... it's eating away at me.. I can't stop thinking about it! I actually think I'm much prettier than her (and everyone says so too) but clearly that doesn't make a difference. It hurts SO bad. I also think about the fact that I had an abortion early on in the relationship and if keeping the baby would have changed the outcome of our lives together.. I see all these couples trying to make it work for their kids' sake.. but I guess it would have been even worse if he cheated after the fact... I can't help but think about it though... especially since he blamed all the cheating on my abortion.

Does it ever get easier? Isn't 4 months a borderline long time to be feeling like this with almost zero progress?

Please help..

[JadenMia]

I think the problem is you are not letting yourself get over him. I mean, you are looking at his facebook???? WHY??
Block him on facebook, knowing you cannot look at his page, it just helps. I am currently getting over my ex and i know it is hard. But i think the best thing to help, is to just accept everything. Understand nothing is going to get better until YOU let it. I mean, stop thinking about it. Instead of feeling upset, think 'Yes, i can finally look forward to finding what i REALLY want in life'. Not having a prick for a boyfriend, you are making way for something amazing to come, you cannot see it yet, but it is coming. Good things come to those who wait.

Why would you even be jealous over her? He will only do the same thing to her as he did you, you should feel pity for her. Nothing else.
Yes it does get better, there will come a time when you just dont care at all anymore. It will feel awesome and you will be glad you stayed strong

[HeartIsAching]

Yes, it gets easier. Four months isn't too long, especially if you're not letting him go.

He's doing it because he knows it hurts you, and he's enjoying your reactions. Don't give in to the temptation to do something to hurt him back. That only leads to more pain.

Quit reacting to him and he'll lose interest. Quit looking at his FB. My ex started making snide comments on my wall (I'd left her "friend" status because I was trying to be civil) and I was REALLY tempted to post snarky things back... instead I just unfriended her and ignored it.

[dior01]

The problem is that we are both salsa dancers... well, I'm closer to pro level than he is. Actually, it has always been my passion. Since we broke up, he has been coming to all the salsa clubs with her.. I don't want to stop going because it has honestly been my therapy through this break-up... I stopped going for a month and sank into a deep depression... now that I'm dancing again I am so happy but i see them together and it hurts more than you can imagine..

He even brings her to all the clubs that him and I were regulars at for years!!! I mean the entire community knows us and knew us as partners for years.. now I don't have a salsa partner (it's hard to find a good dancer that is also willing to practice and compete but I'm looking) and he has literally substituted her with me in EVERY sense of the word without as much as a flinch on his behalf! Like what we had meant nothing! And people honestly loved us and loved to see a young attractive couple that dated and danced well.. we were a hit everywhere and everyone knew about us.. (little did they know what went on behind closed doors.. the screaming and cheating and lying... he's a good actor in public) I know what you might suggest but I can't go to different clubs because I dance where all the pros dance and I'm very involved in the community..the festivals..the congress..etc etc

Another thing that bothers me is that she is Latina and I am not. I'm European (Spain)

He has always been OBSESSED with latinas and they're whole culture (he's not latino he is also from Spain)... I don't know why.. I find they're culture trashy but whatever. When we used to travel to Cuba just seeing the way he stared at some of the half naked girls that worked at the resort (and even flirted with them) made my skin boil.. funny thing is he didn't cheat on me with latinas (one was Arabic and the other was French) but now he's dating one and it hurts like hell to see the 2 of them together dancing.. especially when I know he's obessed with their culture (he always talked about it) and wants to move to South America.. I don't think I'll ever get over it if he moves there with her and lives happily ever after I might sound crazy but being with this guy for so many years and feeling inadequate because I'm not latina and then being cheated on and then seeing him with a latina.. the whole thing has slowly killed me inside over the past few years and I don't know how to build myself back up and find myself again.. it hurts so friggin bad! (it didn't start out this way.. I thought I was the love of his life in the beginning)

Please help.. I don't know what to do... the entire thing has eaten away at me.. I miss him like crazy and I don't understand WHY HE HAD THE GOOD LUCK to meet someone 2 WEEKS after I dumped him for cheating on me for the second time.. and I can't find someone to have that strong passionate connection I had with him.. nor do I even feel ready too.... I burst into tears at the thought. I've gone completely nuts.. almost to the point where I packed my bags and was ready to move to Spain. But my father passed away and I didn't want to leave my mother here alone.. sigh.

How do I stop feeling so insecure about all of this? And how do I start my day and end it without thinking about it? I have not gone 24 hrs without thinking about him since the break-up..

[Soreloser]

There's an old Japanese saying that "if you sit by the riverbank long enough, you'll eventually find the body of your enemy floating by." It's an old and creepy saying, but it applies.

If he was a worthless punk, he'll have a hard time letting go of old behaviors and will eventually do the same thing to her. Pitty her, as really there can't be much else done for that.

For me, a woman broke up with me about two years ago. While I could really care less about how or what she's doing nowdays, it was the manner in which we broke up that still leaves me steaming. I have no desire to re-enter the dating circle, knowing that there are people like her still out there.