Still Hurts

[Gigabitch]

A year ago, I was being pursued hotly by a Bad Man. What made him bad? Well, to begin with, I was married. My marriage was going to hell in a handbasket, and this guy saw an opportunity. He gave me all of the attention I didn't get from my husband, and more. He was as charming as the Devil. Maybe he was the Devil.

Anyway, long story short, I told my husband I was divorcing him (which would have happened with or without Bad Man), and rebounded right into Bad Man's bed, where I promptly got badly burned. Guess he was the Devil. He dumped me in a hot second. Guess I deserved it, but I got completely mental over it, and ended up on LF, looking for help.

I haven't had any contact with him since before Christmas. It took a lot of work to get myself to the point where I didn't think about him every day, didn't obsess about his twisted motivations for doing what he did (why work so hard just to get laid? He could get laid any night of the week by any number of bimbos ten years younger than me with minimal effort), didn't think it was him every time my phone rang.

I just saw his name on a website announcing his new job. The website had nothing to do with him (until now) so I wasn't asking for it.

I feel like someone just kicked me in the stomach. How can this hurt soooo much after such a long time? Is it just because I didn't get what I wanted? Maybe Zarathu's right and I'm just a spoiled brat.

I feel like crap.

[Henry123]

Sorry to hear about your marriage break up Giga. I seriously hope you are feeling better.

I think maybe you might be still subconciously anchor to him (in a Pavlovian way that is). Maybe the problem is that your left with unfulfilled emotions and needs (presuming your not with anyone any more). I suppose it is easy to feel attach to others when someone going through a divorce or relationship break up.

[I think the classic drama (Ironic drama!) is that one chases after a person you desire but they dont love you back. Or they love you but you dont have any romantic feelings for them. This scenario plays itself over and over again.]

[vashti]

Odd how deeply we remain attached to feelings produced by bad men. I think it took me probably 10 years to quit comparing every man I met to the "bad man" in my life.

Anyway, I don't think trying to recover after only a year (or so) is all that unusual.

Chin up, darling.

[jurupa]

Anyway, I don't think trying to recover after only a year (or so) is all that unusual.

I remeber when my parents where going thru their divorce that this marriage consulor that they "saw", said to my mom that it could take years for my dad to even being to recover from the devioce. This was 6 years ago. I think my dad has recoverd, but not completely and in some ways trying to cover it up with the two girls he as dated since the divorce.

My mom on the other hand came out fine once the dust had settled. She is actually happier now than before. So I don't think there an unusuall or usually time length to get over such things. And just so you know my parents where basically married for 25 or so years. I think it is better to actually let all of your emotions drain out of you before you start to rebuild your self, that way when you put your self back together you become a stronger person and learn what to taken and throw out as you go thru thr processes.

[Binxy]

What your going through is completely normal. It sounds like your going through the process of getting over him, but weren't prepared to see anything about him, when all of a sudden, BAM...there he is back in your mind again, and unfortunately your heart. That would be a kick in the gut, even for someone who is pretty much over someone. It sounds like our situations are similar. It's been since January and until very recent I felt like my heart was being squeezed to death everytime I thought of him, and the thought of him with another woman it felt unbearable. Thank God two weeks ago, after an email I got from him, that love cord was finally cut, and I felt the pain start to lift. It hasn't been easy, and it hasn't been as quickly as I thought it should have or hoped, but that's just the length of time its taken me. I agree with the others that there's no set time. This sounds so cliche' but just give it time. You might be remembering the happy times (sometimes we forget to remember the bad times and what kind of pain the bad times felt like), and remembering the relationship the way you had hoped it would be, envisioning it better than it really was. That might not be what's happening, but whatever it is, I think your on the right path for your heart to heal. Whether that takes 1 week, 1 month, 1 year or more is questionable. At least it sounds like you have been living your life and not pining away for him all this time. Just think of this as a little setback, and you'll be back on track very soon.

Let me know how your feeling. Hope your feeling better today.

Binxy!

[King Zarathu]

A year ago, I was being pursued hotly by a Bad Man. What made him bad? Well, to begin with, I was married. My marriage was going to hell in a handbasket, and this guy saw an opportunity. He gave me all of the attention I didn't get from my husband, and more. He was as charming as the Devil. Maybe he was the Devil.

Anyway, long story short, I told my husband I was divorcing him (which would have happened with or without Bad Man), and rebounded right into Bad Man's bed, where I promptly got badly burned. Guess he was the Devil. He dumped me in a hot second. Guess I deserved it, but I got completely mental over it, and ended up on LF, looking for help.

I haven't had any contact with him since before Christmas. It took a lot of work to get myself to the point where I didn't think about him every day, didn't obsess about his twisted motivations for doing what he did (why work so hard just to get laid? He could get laid any night of the week by any number of bimbos ten years younger than me with minimal effort), didn't think it was him every time my phone rang.

I just saw his name on a website announcing his new job. The website had nothing to do with him (until now) so I wasn't asking for it.

I feel like someone just kicked me in the stomach. How can this hurt soooo much after such a long time? Is it just because I didn't get what I wanted? Maybe Zarathu's right and I'm just a spoiled brat.

I feel like crap.

Interesting enough, but take note of what I bolded.

You state that you joined this place because of the pain, etc. Is it possible that your time here has done nothing but delay these feelings, considering you read other people's stories and you--well--sit here?

But then again, I reply to myself with a question. I don't feel this pain, and I'm still here after almost 2 and a half years...why am I different? Why are the other regulars different?

....****. I just proved myself: Wrong.

=/

I don't know what to say, other than I hope you feel better. You aren't with anybody now? You don't have a current husband?

[vashti]

You aren't with anybody now? You don't have a current husband?

Are you interested in applying?

Giga - for how long did you date bad man?

[jurupa]

Are you interested in applying?

I bet Zarathu is quiet interested in applign, heck he seems to need a woman to put on a leash on him of late. And no I will not be applying for the position.

[misombra]

my bad man got married recently.

[Gigabitch]

Giga - for how long did you date bad man?

We never really dated. He just chased for about 6 months, and when I capitulated, it was over. I think he was lying about being single. I also think my brother wants to kick his ass.

my bad man got married recently.

Eew. What a weird thought.

And no, Zarathu, I'm not really with anybody. I have some trust issues (understandably). I'm also in love with my ex-boyfriend from 12 years ago, who lives in California.

Complicated. Better to not date. I'm confused often enough as it is.

[King Zarathu]

And no, Zarathu, I'm not really with anybody. I have some trust issues (understandably). I'm also in love with my ex-boyfriend from 12 years ago, who lives in California.

I'll put him out of your mind....

::applies::

[jurupa]

And no, Zarathu, I'm not really with anybody. I have some trust issues (understandably). I'm also in love with my ex-boyfriend from 12 years ago, who lives in California.

Complicated. Better to not date. I'm confused often enough as it is.

I agree that you should hold off on the dating thing until your ready. My dad basically when head first after the divorce and got into a relationship with a blonde that was your sterotypical air head. Lets just say the end of that 6 month relationship ended in some drama.

[Mathias]

And no, Zarathu, I'm not really with anybody. I have some trust issues (understandably). I'm also in love with my ex-boyfriend from 12 years ago, who lives in California.

Seriously, this might deserve its own thread elsewhere, but is this odd?

I'm finding a strange, severe attraction (even during all my problems right now) to an ex I haven't even SEEN for 6 years.

[Junket]

Wow, I finally learned somethin' about Giga.

I've been feelin' like the only wank here that's been stressin' over love issues.

And I must admit, reading about other peoples problems makes it easy to temporarily forget about my own.

[Borealis]

To brush something under the floormat does not dispose of the waste.

You are experiencing that effects of ignoring the problem. Hurt is a genuine and natural process. Accept it and embrace it, know that realistically you have no ties with him in your life, and need not to make any minimal attempts to reconcile with him in any way.

The hardest part of this all is: time. It simply takes time and patience is a must.

Borealis