26 and never had a girlfriend, HELP!

[manboy09]

'm a 26 year old guy who's never had a girlfriend and the lonelyness is getting to me.

Being someone that has been diagnosed with social anxiety really doesn't help, i'm not just shy i am painfully shy and tend to drink and awful lot of alcohol if i know im going to be in any social situation where women are about.

Then we have the problems of my looks, i'm not considered 'ugly' as such but i have the extreme youthfull looks of a 16 year old, I still get asked for ID nearly everywhere i go. I'm 5'11 and have a extremely boyish face and slim frame. The crazy thing is i often get hit on by younger girls who assume im their age but women don't look twice at me as they just consider me to be a boy.

There's not a great deal i can do about it really as i don't grow much facial or body hair.

The thing is i get alot of comments like i should be thankfull to have young looks and that I will be grateful with it one day, but it's not doing me any good with the ladies.

Considering that women are attracted to confidence and status aswell makes it all the so much harder. I can't help but feel that even if i did manage to get a girlfriend she'd eventually cheat on me with someone more exciting.

All this is adding to my ever increasing reclusive behaviour which has ended up putting me on anti depressants and diagnosed with social anxiety.

How can i change things??!

any help would be greatly appreciated, and please no comments calling me sad or a loser, i already know that.

[girl68]

Let's start with calling yourself a man not a boy. Perhaps it will help to see yourself in a different and better light.

[manboy09]

Let's start with calling yourself a man not a boy. Perhaps it will help to see yourself in a different and better light.

I realise that in many respects it has to start with me, but when you've constantly got people telling you that you look about 16 it starts to get to you.

[girl68]

Looking 16 isn't a bad thing. But when you actually think of yourself as an adolescent boy, it is.

I had people telling me I looked 15 when I was 24, so yeah I know. But never did I consider myself a little girl.

Perhaps you need to talk to someone like a counselor or something. You need to improve your self image and confidence.

[Gigabitch]

Okay, so you shot down the first piece of advice you got. Nice.

Get yourself to the gym and start to put some muscle on. Look into rock climbing- it's a sport you might excel at, since you have this light frame.

There's no way you're going to magically be transformed into an own-the-room stud by any advice you'd get here. Maybe you need to revise your expectations. Try online dating, perhaps.

[IndiReloaded]

You don't sound sad or a loser to me. You sound a lot like a younger version of several scientists I know. They were all slow starters too, but most are now married.

Let your facial hair grow out. A light 'shadow' is actually attractive and will make you look more your age. If it comes in patchy, you may have to grow it out 2-3 times until you are happy with it.

Hit the gym, like Giga says. That will also raise your physical confidence.

Otherwise, try getting involved in some activities involving others. This site seems to be good for this kind of thing:

[url]http://www.meetup.com/[/url]

[vashti]

Whoa! Propanolol for anxiety? I never heard of that. Just be careful.. in addition to lowering your blood pressure (which is not usually a problem for young people), it also drops your heart rate, which can cause dizziness and fainting, not to mention poor cerebral perfusion.

[nonconformist]

You've made it this far without a girlfriend? Keep going

[Chriso]

To be fully honest.. 26 years old and not have had a girlfriend is crazy because almost everybody finds a partner in life. My advice is to read dating books because they tell you how to be and I realize that look are not so important. You cant change your face but you can change everything else like clothes and shoes. For a girl to love and respect you. YOU HAVE TO respect yourself. Wear clothes like nobody would (pink shirts and stuff)and have a good body language which indicates power and leadership. There is alot of things that maybe you need to change to become more attractiv but hey dont worry you will get a girl plus even the girls you approach will be shy. I recommend that you go to [url]www.howtobecomeaplayer.net[/url] and if that is not enough read Mystery method and some body language (gesture) books. GOOD LUCK!

[starbuck]

My main advice to you would be to focus on overcoming your social anxiety and reclusiveness above and beyond your dating life. As Giga suggested, join a gym. I might suggest joining some local sports teams or social meetups, too. Get out there and make yourself talk to people. It might be hard, but I think after the anxiety subsides, you'll enjoy the social time.

Once you beat the social anxiety, the girls will follow. Believe me, they will. I wouldn't be so hung up on your age and dating status. For many reasons some people date alot and some date very little. For example, some cannot date often because of military duties or job demands. I have a friend who is a baker who hasn't been on a date in ages because she works such weird hours. No need to label yourself unfairly because you haven't dated.

[Only-virgins]

To be fully honest.. 26 years old and not have had a girlfriend is crazy because almost everybody finds a partner in life. My advice is to read dating books because they tell you how to be and I realize that look are not so important. You cant change your face but you can change everything else like clothes and shoes. For a girl to love and respect you. YOU HAVE TO respect yourself. Wear clothes like nobody would (pink shirts and stuff)and have a good body language which indicates power and leadership. There is alot of things that maybe you need to change to become more attractiv but hey dont worry you will get a girl plus even the girls you approach will be shy. I recommend that you go to [url]www.howtobecomeaplayer.net[/url] and if that is not enough read Mystery method and some body language (gesture) books. GOOD LUCK!

Pink shirts? How to become a player?

[Severed_Heart]

If these girls are over 18 why not talk to them, go out with them? What do you have to lose? You dont want to end up 35 and still not having had a girlfriend. It will boost your confidence, teach you about women, about yourself, and about relationships.

[wipe_out]

Manboy09,

My life experience has been very similar to yours so let me give you some pointers and you can decide from there what to do about it.. I can't help you to get a girlfriend because that's something I still haven't managed to work out and maybe never will but in terms of the anxiety maybe I can help.. What I do know is as a anxiety riddled person your chances of finding your dream girl are far lower so you have to solve the anxiety issue first..

I too had social anxiety disorder (SAD).. I say "had" because it doesn't stop me getting out any more but its not something that is ever completely gone..

Here is the simple and plain truth.. SAD is totally 100% in your head.. Now that may seem an obvious statement but you need to acknowledge that fact.. Once you do you will understand 2 things.. First, YOU have to beat it and secondly YOU can beat it..

YOU have to make a concious decision that you are going to get on top of it and not let it ruin your life.. In my experience drugs just mask the symptoms and never really resolve the issue.. Personally I didn't want to be on drugs for the rest of my life so I got off them and started taking control of my brain.. Don't be a prisoner of your mind, be the commander..

Think of what needs to be done as a training exercise.. If you wanted to run a marathon you would need to train, starting with short distances and then getting progressively longer.. Its the same here, you have to train your brain.. Start spending time with friends you are comfortable with.. After a while when you are out make a point to speak to a stranger, this could be a simple conversation about the weather with a bank teller or the checkout person at the grocery store.. If you concentrate of increasing this all time you will see that the anxiety starts to fade..

This is important, if you are like most anxiety sufferers you will have a tendency to leave the situation that is making you anxious.. This is normal, its part of the "fight or flight" response.. For any given stressful situation everyone makes a decision to either handle it (fight) or get to safety (flight).. My guess is you have been taking the flight option most of the time, this is perfectly natural so don't worry about it.. What you must now try and do is resist the flight option and take the fight option.. Get yourself to stay, even if its only for a little while longer.. A point to note is that deciding not to go out at all to avoid anxiety is also a flight reaction so you need to get out there into situation that you can use for "training"..

So in summary, YOU need to decide that YOU and going to beat the social anxiety and then YOU need to get out there and make it happen..

Obviously I don't know the specific details of your situation but hopefully that has helped.. I am not one for self help books but one that is quite good is called "Feel the fear and do it anyway" which may be helpful to you..

[Only-virgins]

However I vote to exclude those who get laid. Some of us don't care to just get with any girl to have a relationship. I'm 26 and never had a long term relationship. I get decent amount of sex though so I am good and don't understand why I should care. This guys needs one or the other asasp.

[BoredGeorge]

The crazy thing is i often get hit on by younger girls who assume im their age but women don't look twice at me as they just consider me to be a

any help would be greatly appreciated, and please no comments calling me sad or a loser, i already know that.

Bone them, most men would kill for an 18 year old.