is he being honest or is it just an excuse?

[LM86]

I started seeing this guy from work the start of October and things were fine we saw each other often and communicated a lot during that time. Then at the beginning of November I noticed he came online saying he loved another girl and I was furious so I asked him about it and he told me she was an ex and he never thought he'd talk to her again and she had called and wanted to get back together. He told me he likes me lots he was just in an awkward situation. After she came into the picture the communication lacked and we only saw each other like once a month but he promised me he wasn't with her. But he promised me he wasn't with her and I was never the backup girl. he kept also kept changing his msn names to something about this ex which made me think he was with her.

So finally one day i couldn't deal with no communication/tolling with my emotions I told him it was over. and he stopped me. He started saying hi to my friends at work, sleeping together, constantly checking me out, and still talking to me on occassion. Which to me meant something was there....

Finally I got so upset I wrote him another e-mail saying I know were both into one another and I understand he is having a hard time moving on but I'd like to know where I stand because it's not fair to make me wait for an answer...

He replied by telling me he thinks in a nice girl and enjoys my company but feels were not compatible and we wouldn't make a good relationship. I feel that is an excuse so I don't get hurt as much so he can be with his ex who he is not willing to let go of. Do you think he's really being honest or is this an excuse since there was something there in the beginning?

I feel I was lead on by him why would he be making all these signs if he feels we wouldn't make a good relationship?

I wrote him back saying I don't think it was the chemistry I feel he had a hard time moving on and isn't ready to commit to someone new and listed the reasons stated above to feel there is chemistry. and said I wanted to know what he wants to do with the situation cause I am confused as to what's going to happen.

What do you think?

[vashti]

I think since you heard him say he loves another woman, you should believe him, and move on.

[starbuck]

Well you had good signs and bad signs throughout your time together. You chose to ignore the bad signs, however so I don't see where you could feel completely lead on.

Either way, what does it matter? No matter what he says, he obviously isn't over his ex and explicitly told you he doesn't want to see you. Why do you still feel confused?

Time to move on and find a guy without ex issues.

[jsulley]

Well you had good signs and bad signs throughout your time together. You chose to ignore the bad signs, however so I don't see where you could feel completely lead on.

Either way, what does it matter? No matter what he says, he obviously isn't over his ex and explicitly told you he doesn't want to see you. Why do you still feel confused?

Time to move on and find a guy without ex issues.

yeah. ex issues are a pain in the ass and a killer-joy. be wholehearted in every encounter and treat every man or woman who comes into your life sincerely. who wants to be with someone who is always talking with an ex and negotiating a patch-back behind the current b/gf's back ?

[LM86]

I feel confused because he still enjoys spending time with me its just that I feel the we have no chemistry comment is more of an excuse than anything at all so I don't get hurt as much so he can completly go back with his ex. I feel lead on because he still talks to me and wants to see me on occassion, stopped me from ending our relationship, constantly checks me out, and is nice to my friends at work. He never specifically said he didn't want to see me he didn't say what he wanted to do with the situation which is why i really feel confused.

[Gigabitch]

Look, he was straightforward with you. We women WANT this in men. Don't hound him now and turn it into a debate. He did the right thing. You should accept it and move on.

[Primo]

Pretty much what GB said, but if you keep offering up sex (you mentioned you were still sleeping together) he's going to keep taking that until he's officially back with his ex.

Bottom line, if you were the one, there wouldn't be an issue with him and his ex. Move on.

[LM86]

Here's the thing.... i'm accepting it's over cause he's not willing to move on from his ex - but there are signs of having chemistry so I basically know he said that as a easy way out so he can go back to his ex if he's not already with her. But he's not being upfront with me he's lying and I just want him to be honest but I'll never get that. Women aren't stupid we can see the truth through the lies. Thanks for the input though.

[Primo]

LM, to answer your original question from a guy's POV, there probably isn't much chemistry on his part, only yours, so it's not just an excuse he's giving you. It can be confusing when you're the one who has the chemistry, you automatically think the other person does to.

Him doing the other things he's doing is a way of keeping you on the back burner. He knows you have chemistry and feeling towards him, so you're an easy good time to fall back on when things get boring.

[speakerspoke]

He sounds like a douche, try to be more discerning in who you sleep with in the future, or not. lol

[LM86]

I would just like to add something.... I wasn't getting any communication from him whatsoever i made a fake account (which i know is very wrong) but I needed to hear the truth and to my surprise this ex was never an ex just a girl he met online who hes been dating for months for never keeps plans and they have never met in person talk about being lame. He says he doesn't want any other girls and would only talk about her and says they both love each other but she doesn't show it and they talk on the phone for hours a day. This all sounds like a big games to me... and now i know for sure that chemistry comment was a lie to get me out of the picture faster.

but seriously how braindead can a person be....