Scared and lost for what to do

[Dannya182]

Okay, so i've been going out with this girl for a week already (promising that i'm posting a problem already huh? :/) and there are a few, i would say, minor problems so far.

First of all, before we started going out, one of her friends liked me but i made it clear i wasn't interested in her, and i was working on catching the girl i liked. Now, we both liked eachother for a while, then recently we decided to start going out. Now, for one, she seems reluctant to see me without her friends. She's already said to me that she enjoys being with her friends too much and I think that knowing her friend secretly has a problem with us, and i think she has kinda figured this out, might be kinda keeping her from becoming too close to me or spending too much time with me. I've also said to some of my friends that i've been kind've annoyed that we never see eachother alone, and she has found out what i've said and has become quite mad. I really really like this girl, but i never get to see her alone and i don't feel totally comfortable flirting and kissing etc infront of her friends, especially the one who used to (and still does, i think) like me. It seems that whenever i try to get her to meet with me after school and stuff, she has other plans and i'm afraid that this relationship won't work, but I am dying for it to, because I like her too much.

Appreciate any advice, thanks

[Dannya182]

no replies?

[kaotic02]

heh, a selfish person would say that isnt fair- I dont like her friend, so why is my girlfriend gonna go and give me less affection or attention in fear of losing her friend. I dont like her, she needs to move on. It's not my fault. Why should my girlfriend do this to me.

A caring understanding person would say - oh ok, i understand she doesnt want to betray her friend. her friend probably even asked her to take it slow with me. if it really bugs her friend that much that i'm not interested in her i should let my girlfriend try not to hurt her too much. i should let my girlfriend continue to do this until her friend can get over me. i'm just lucky she cares enough that she wont completely break up with me just cause her friend has feelings for me still.

got it ?

if it still continues to bother you, just ask your girlfriend whats going on and that you are willing to give her space if her friend is really that bothered.

[Dannya182]

Well like i said, i don't feel comfortable with her around her friends mainly for that reason, and i totally understand where she is coming from. But you see the thing is, she told me she was ready for a relationship but all i can do really is give her time, i just wanted somebody's opinion to see if they had any suggestions for me. I appreciate the reply, thanks.

[Broken smile]

have you ever thought maybe this girl isnt ready for a relationship or even a little scared? how old is she?

most women will use friends as an excuse but we normally do what we really want to do at the end of the day! perhaps she is a little scared and u say it has only been a wekk so maybe she is trying to suss you out a bit before spending time alone with you! smart move if you ask me! girls have to look out for themselves!

[Broken smile]

and patience is a virtue!

[jay12]

If youve only been together a week then you never know in the future she may want to see you alone as things progress.
I would say if it continues, then youve gotta talk to her. Ive been with a girl who always made excuses to see her friends and it turned out she liked me but never really wanted a boyfriend. On our first date i found out she invited two of our mutual friends (2 men)!! We didnt know each other and that would have been awful from my point of view, (they didnt come, probly as a favour to me).
It all worked out with her for a while, but i was constantly seeking time alone with her and constantly being let down, we'd go out and then shed insist i brought my friends and i hardly see her all night and lots of other things like that which used to hurt me. Then its all recently ended pretty badly, but i dont regret being with her.
All i can say is talk to her about it, but dont expect her to change, cos its likely she wont. But sayin that - its only been a week.
Man, girls put their friends first too much these days, im sure it used to be that it was men who wanted to hang with their buddys and the girls were the ones whining!

[jay12]

One thing i do regret about this relationship is not being more assertive. So many times shed let me down and i wouldnt say anything, or pretend i was fine with it. Then it all started to come out at the end.
I know you may not want to rock the boat by telling her when shes done something that you dont like, cos youl worry shel just end it with you if she cant have her own way. But if you dont then youl just end up resenting her and it will all come out in a much nastier way when things start to get bad.
I feel terrible at the moment knowing that for 6 months i hoped things would get better and knowing that i loved her.... and now realising that shes more than happy just being with her friends but for me its like the world has ended!!! Wish id told her how i felt from the beginning.
Again though, it has only been a week.

[Dannya182]

Thanks a lot for the replies. I've kind've tried to get the problem across to her in a subtle way to see how she reacted and i think things are progressing, i talk to her more now and i hope things can continue to improve. Maybe we're both just getting used to it and also I get the feeling once we started going out, she became slightly shy so maybe all i can do is talk to her and let her get used to us going out.