Is he ignoring me?

[melita13]

This is a bit complicated, I just don't know from where to start.

The whole thing began last week. My boyfriend of five months got some weird idea that on Friday I went out after work and met up with a guy, said he wants to break up with me and after some time I managed to convince him that I would never do such a thing. It was our first major fight. Come Sunday, he said he couldn't love me as much as he wanted because I've slept with a number of guys before him...which is stupid because he also slept with some girls before me, and in the past I had no loyalty to anyone and I could do anything I wanted with my life.

Even though we have been together for a short time, I already love him more than anything and him telling me this came a great blow on my heart...it really hurt. I asked him what we are doing together than...he didn't reply. At last he said that he loved me and that he will try to accept me as I am.

After this mega heavy weekend, with him accusing me and saying all sorts of hurtful things, I expected that he would be more caring and sentimental. However it turned out to be the other way round.

This week we could only meet up on Tuesday and Thursday due to several factors, he works in two places and he also works out at the gym . On Thursday his friends invited him to meet up...but I didn't want him to go because if he went we would only meet once this week. He told me that I shouldn't be telling him where to go and where not, and that he would be going just the same. I was working on Wednesday, and he told me he would come for me after work instead on meeting on Thursday. I complied.

Come Wednesday, first he texted me about 3 times the whole day, then he told me he wouldn't be coming for me after my work because he was tired. I was very disappointed, he didn't even excuse himself! So I went out with my friends even though he doesn't liek it because he doesn't like my friends.

When he found out on Thursday what I did, he was very mad and didn't send me even one text message. On Friday I texted him telling him that we had to meet and talk. We met in the evening, talked about five minutes, had sex and he took me back home at about 8. He promised he would phone me or text me in the night, but nothing happened.

Today he texted me at about 11, saying that we should meet today at about 1, and that he would text me later telling me exactly what we were going to do. Its 6 o' clock right now...no message and no calls.

What am I going to do? Is he deliberately ignoring me? As a girlfriend I should be a big part of him life, not just 8 hours in a week! I'm really tired of all this, I think he is not respecting me enough and that he's taking me for granted because he knows that whatever he does I will be there for him.

Am I seeing things from a different perspective then they truly are? Please I need help!!

[MadKat]

Think for yourself, love yourself, respect yourself and those things will come to you. This guy is definitely playing mind games with you, or take you for granted.

Ask yourself, are you suffering right now? Then do you want to have this emotional setback all your life?

My advise, you should text him back ask for a calm down period. Then don't see each other for a week the least. Think where are you heading with this guy. If he doesn't give a sh!t about you during this period, then you can just forget him.

Ces't La Vie...

Still saying is easier than done, but seriously, i feel your pain. Maybe you have to let him to have his own space, then see how it goes from there.

[melita13]

I met up with him last night to talk about everything. He said he's tired of this relationship and wants some time alone. He told me to give him one week alone, and then we'll talk. I'm feeling like a fish out of water cause usually its me who puts men in these situations not the other way round! I know how its feels when you ask for a break, it means you just are trying to break up with the guy but haven't yet decided to do it or not.

Last night I texted him telling him that I missed him, and he didn't even reply back. Its really really hurtful this way, knowin that there may be some chance to get back together but still being very uncertain!

[MadKat]

do you believe in karma?

[Petit Papillon]

I'm in almoust the same situations... But we live in a 1000 km of distance between us... 3 days ago he said that on saturday we don't go nowhere,that we will spend this night on MSN... But he didn't come... He doesn't answer or reply...And I know he was online because I know his password on hotmail and I saw he checked his e-mails...And it's not the first time.But when we finally talk he always says that he don't want to talk with me when I'm angry.That's why he don't answer...But I'm so tired of all this...And everything is hurts more ,because I love him so much...And I can't imagine my life without him.But life with him is so damn hard.I'm stuck in a moment where I don't know what to do.

[LostNotFound]

maybe you should sit him down and ask him the real reason for his childish behaviour?

[Viraj]

Give him some space? the last thing a guy needs is pestering from a girl. If you leave him for a few days, he'll realise how much you mean to him.

[melita13]

Giving him some space as in not contacting him all day long? If I do that wouldn't it backfire on me cause he would forget all about me? Its really hard cause I'm thinking about him all the time, and as I should be giving him some space, I can't try to forget him because after this week maybe he'll come back but he can also tell me that he doesn't want ot see me again!

[Petit Papillon]

But it's not so simple.. We live in a Long distance relationship.He lives in France and I live in Poland... That's why I changed my mind and decided to go to study 250km from him in Germany ( first I wanted to study here in Poland) So telephone or internet is the only way to have a contact with him.So I made a first move.I bought a new SIM card,and I gave my old card to my father and I told him that he should gave it back on friday.I will see if he tried to contact with me or not... Besides I now it's impossible to send him a sms because I don't know how to use this new card ( another company) . He's not so often online so it's not a problem with being online on MSN. There is one problem left.I know his password on hotmail,but I try to fight this lust to check his mail.Don't think he doesn't know that I know his password.It's not like that.So I hope those 5 days will be easier to take.But what will be after I don't know.It would be easier to dump him if he wouldn't say that he loves me.But he always say that.And I always belive him...I think that even if he would be the worst men in this world I wouldn't break up with him,because I can't imagine my life without him.Before I met him I always was carefull of what I do,of what I feel.I never trusted nobody.I was always scared that someone will hurt me.And when I met him,he made me belive that it isn't so...And now he hurts.But it's already too late.I'm soo angry at myself , and I have two opposite feeling in me.Head says I should quit it ,and hearts says that everything will be ok.Love is really a battle...

[anachronistic]

How come after 5 months, you still have not established trust? Peculiar.

[melita13]

I trust him, its he who doesn't trust me. I think that he's a bit possessive cause he wants me all for himself, thats why he doesn't want me to go out alone. I'm not ready to let him do whatever he wants but him not letting me do as I wish. Thats why I think he reacted this way and asked for some space, because I'm the first girl that is standing up to him and he's not comfortable with. I think its his issue not mine....

[anachronistic]

I trust him, its he who doesn't trust me. I think that he's a bit possessive cause he wants me all for himself, thats why he doesn't want me to go out alone. I'm not ready to let him do whatever he wants but him not letting me do as I wish. Thats why I think he reacted this way and asked for some space, because I'm the first girl that is standing up to him and he's not comfortable with. I think its his issue not mine....

What? Are you saying that you don't want an exclusive relationship with him? If that's the case, no wonder he doesn't trust you.

Also, you mention that you don't want him to go out or do whatever he wants, but you expect that he lets you? That doesn't seem fair to me.

To be honest, it sounds like this is more of a problem for you than it is to him.

[MadKat]

Pettit-Papillon, i advise you to create a new thread for your problem...its kinda confusing right here.

And for babsetta, i think you are the one being obsessive, and your BF are trying to break free. Time to think over your action. If you love him very much, then you should let him hang with his friends, if he cheat on you, then end of story or vice versa should you cheat on him.

It takes two to tango.

[melita13]

Do you think so MadKat? I've also been thinking along those lines lately...should I just let him be for this week without texting him or phoning him and wait for him to contact me? Or should I at least text him once a day to show him that I still remember him?

I want him to have his own space but I also want him to allow me to have my own space. Its true that I sometimes say that he doesn't give me enough time in his life as I give him. Maybe its because I do everything for him and would run to him the moment he asked me to meet him? Am I being too clingy?

[Gigabitch]

Dump the chump. He's a powder keg waiting to blow.

Sometimes people get all accusatory and mistrustful when they, themselves are feeling guilty about something. I suspect he's not acting right because he's so suspicious of you and you haven't done anything to make him act like this.