I am the Other Woman

[bzyger511]

I'm the other woman in an affair. Actually it only happened once. So
I do not know if that actually constitues an affair. It just started
and I don't know what to do. And I'm ashamed to admit that its with
my best friends man. They're not married. Dating three years. Never
thought I'd have an affair. And never thought I'd stoop to this
level.

It's very complicated. 2007 was a terrible year. My bf of four year
dumped me in January 2007. Said he wasn't the marrying type. Bet you
could figure out what happened next. He was dating somebody else a
month later and engaged by June. As for me, I hadn't been with
anybody in over a year! No dates. No sex. Nothing.

The relationship I have with my friend is even more complicated.
She's always been their for me. And was there for me in this
situation from the beginning. But there are also negatives. She's
very pretty and she knows it. Always has a man. Was married for 10
years. And when not married always has a bf. She's can be
superficial and materialistic. Very vain. And very into appearance.
Kinda mean behind people's back. Mostly about looks. I've never been
married and have only really had two bfs

With this situation she was comforting to me in every way. But
recently, some of her consoling got kinda mean, I think. Critiqued
by looks, clothes, weight, hair . . . you name it. Told me "You have
to take care of yourself if you want men to take notice." The worst
part is she's right. I have let myself go since then. And I don't
mind if she mentions it or drops hints because that would be kinda
helpful. But she oversteps big time, I think.

About a month ago, after a particularly harsh conversation with her,
is when this happened. She was away for work. I was chatting with
her guy online. We're kinda good friends and she knows we sometime
chat. So that wasnt a really big deal. But I started to confide in
him and complaining about her. We spoke about an hour and he said
let's go out and talk about it. We never made it out. We spoke in my
apartment for about an hour. He was EXTREMELY sensitive and nice.
And it just kinda happened.

I know - terrible excuse. First of all, I shoulda seen it coming.
Anybody could have seen through what he was aiming at. But I did
not. Afterwards I realized how dumb I was.

It's been magical. Maybe cause I haven't been with anybody for so
long. It's doing wonders for my self esteem, even though I know he's
using me. It's also nice, in a wierd sorta way, to think that when
she's being her critical, b***hy self that I can think "well your
man doesn't seem to think that way." LOL. Are those normal thougths?

On the other hand, I realize what Im doing is wrong. He is using me.
She's still my friend. She has faults, like anyone else. And she
does seem genuienly concerned about me.

Im very confused. What should I do?

[vashti]

I think you should tell her so she can ditch the guy if she chooses. Obviously, this will mean the end of your friendship. That's the price you will pay for your treachery.

[misombra]

you know what you need to do.

i probably don't have to tell you that you're not going to get a response in here that would encourage you to keep seeing this man. your self-esteem fix is just that, a fix. in the end, continuing this will wreck any bit of self-esteem you may have had. the fixes are hardly worth it. you're better off on your own building up your own self-esteem. this man is not going to give it to you.

you're weaving a very tangled web.

[FoxyLaydee]

It's been magical. Maybe cause I haven't been with anybody for so long. It's doing wonders for my self esteem, even though I know he's using me. It's also nice, in a wierd sorta way, to think that when she's being her critical, b***hy self that I can think "well your man doesn't seem to think that way." LOL. Are those normal thougths?

You're right, it's magical cause you haven't been with anybody for a long time.

She's b!tchy so you slept with her H - two wrongs don't make it right, honey. How exactly did "it just happened" happened? Before you say anything, I've been around Other Woman/Other Man forums for too long to know their lines and also, Married Parties' lines.

Did you take a moment to think about her? How she'd feel if she found out you slept with her H?

[Junket]

Was he a good f*ck?

You should do it again!

Hope you have more friends than her, though.

[Gigabitch]

It doesn't matter how bitchy she is now that you've out-bitched her. ****ing her man pretty much trumps her criticisms of your weight and hair.

Congratulations. You've won the only contest you ever had a chance of winning against her. You are the uber bitch.

Now stop being an asshole and get a hold of your life. Never, ever see that man again. Tell her what you did and break ties with her as well- you're not really friends anyway. Friends don't do that shit.

[bluesummer]

Sounds like some kind of shitty friendship you've got there. She is mean and critical, and you sleep with her man?

You need to cut contact with both of them. You will lose your friend over this anyway, for sure. Realize what you did is really wrong. I take personal offense to those people that come on here admitting to being the 'other woman'....because my ex cheated on me, and you have no idea what I'd do to those b*tches if I knew who they were or where they were at (well at the time anyway, not anymore.....I don't care now).

It sounds like despite your friend's harsh criticism, you are suffering from some self esteem issues. I would get a handle on that first and foremost. Oh, and also stop sleeping with this guy asap. You want sex that badly, you can get it any night from some drunk loser at the local bar. At least you're not hurting anyone else.

[1averagejoe]

Realize what you did is really wrong. I take personal offense to those people that come on here admitting to being the 'other woman'....because my ex cheated on me, and you have no idea what I'd do to those b*tches if I knew who they were or where they were at (well at the time anyway, not anymore.....I don't care now).

+1

Sucks to be on the receiving end of it all. The day I found out about it all, my ex told me she was with one of the guys she cheated on me with and that she would stop by to talk. She didn't know that I had found out at the time. I was ready to drag his sorry ass out of the car if he did show up with her. Good thing he wasn't there. But ya...I'm passed that.