Need some advice from a womens perspective

[shomershabbos]

Hello, I am open to any suggestions, so feel free to not sugar coat anything. I am a 25 year old male 5'11 280. I play alot of sports and go to the gym. I am having trouble with getting a gf, I go out on dates from online dating and always it feels like its going well for a week or so after the date and then I just cant keep anything going. There is always some excuse from women that I can tell is BS, I wish they would just tell me the truth. I am a good hearted person, I am polite, opening doors, paying for things, complimenting, yet I dont have a girlfriend. I am a bit negative at times, but even when I spending time being positive, it still doesnt go well and then I turn into the rotten negative guy again. I dont or never have had consistent friends, they always float away. I want to just have a gf that does things and has fun with me, not to mention Ive been in a dry spell of no sex for almost a year. Its gotta be some sort of energy I am putting off, I am getting frustrated to the point where prostitution is becoming an option. I am in AA and I guess you could say "recovering alcoholic". The reason I got in trouble with alocohol were these same reasons, lack of social skills, kicking myself when I dont ask a women out and such. I have trouble socializing not only with women, but even with famiyl Ive known my entire life, I zone out, I say negative things when I feel like I am rejected by a group, etc.. If you could tell by the way I write that there is something I need to fix (personality wise) please let me know... Please help. Thanks

[TheWizard]

It could be how you're coming across to women. If you seem too needy, too expectant or too aggressive or too desperate it will shut them down. Girls don't like that.

You need to be calm, cool, and collected. You also don't need to buy them dinner for a first date. The goal of a date is to have a good time with her, and you can do that without the typical social standard of going to dinner where she knows you're trying to court her the usual way.

Generally speaking I find buying dinner can put a women in the frame of mind that "I feel obligated to do something I normally wouldn't to repay him for this meal" which can set the tone for the last part of the date. If you do pay, make it known through other actions that you're not expecting anything from it. Some chicks just don't like it at all, others will love to eat for free as long as you want. Be wary.

Take note of HOW you say things, and not necessarily what you say. I would do some little research on body language and things like eye contact to help boost your confidence with women. Not how to read body language, but how to convey open and positive body language during a conversation.

[Heratriumphant]

It sounds like you need to deal with some depression, self worth and social anxiety issues. If you have all these things going on women will usually pick up on it and avoid getting tangled up in your problems.

[Creativejeanius]

I think you need to go to therapy man. You seem to have some deep seeded anger issues. Worry about fixing yourself first then go look for a woman.

[lahnnabell]

I agree with Wizard! Formal first dates can be off-putting and stress-inducing for both parties. I was taken to a nice Italian restaurant on a first date with this one guy earlier this year and it made me anxious. The whole date just set a heavy tone of formality that kept me on the edge of my seat. And not in a good way.

My current boyfriend and I went for pizza and ice cream on our first date. Much more relaxed conversation, location, etc. It was also fun because we decided what to do together as opposed to one of us planning it all out. I've been on some elaborately planned, but not-fun first dates.

Also, body language and attentiveness is important. In my experience, I find that men tend to be very clueless as to how they come across visually. For example, when my boyfriend's mother asks him to take out the trash, he agrees to do so, but rolls his eyes and gets a tone. I groan every time I see him do it because he really doesn't see what he's doing, or how his mother interprets it. Sure, he said, "Yes", but because of his physical reaction he may as well have screamed, "No!" at her.

Maybe ask some honest friends of yours how they see you. You may have some facial expressions you don't know about. For example, how do you react when someone tells you something unexpected? Or if a subject comes up that you find disagreeable? All these factors can have an effect on how you are perceived.

[shomershabbos]

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated. Creativejenius, I have always been and still am kind of an angry person. I have been trying to change and be positive, but I think triumphant said, even though on the outside I display otherwise, people pick up on it. I think it was easier when I was 18 and dating 18-19 year olds, now I guess women over the age of 20-23 (for the most part) are more in tune with their intuition I guess. I am a good person, but I try to satisfy too much and have always been too nice. I will never stop being a nice guy, but I think I need to be a little more assertive... or less assertive? Any other suggestions, keep them coming.