Fell out of love with him although he treated me nicely

[Marie28]

I have been in a relationship with this man for almost 10 months. I am 28, he is 30. Since I met him, he invested a lot of time in our relationship, he made me feel appreciated and loved. I observed he had a lot of free time, but he told me that he was working online with some foreign clients as a freelancer, so that gives him a flexible program. I trusted him, since I too have a flexible program, although a alot of work to do. I found out after a few months that he was actually taking a break from working, he shut down his online account, and now he was relaxing for a while. I am a teaching and research assistant with an ongoing Phd. I also do a lot of chores at home. I know how necessary a vacation is from time to time. Even a longer one. But I found it strange as time went by and he wasn't very keen on applying for some jobs or starting something on his own (as he was promissing to me). I gave him materials to read (for his business intention), I offerred to help him with his CV, and offered my full moral support. But time went by and he was actually pretty relaxed, watching movies, going to the gym and taking care of his car all day. I found out that he wasn't very stressed about not earning money because a former client was still sending him money as a "good deed". He was a very good person who wanted to help someone in need. So my man, the one "in need" was receiving money for clothes, food and his car monthly. I don't think that the client realized that he was sending kind of a salary here, and not only money for a pair of boots or a coat. He even tried convincing him to buy him a Playstation at a moment. I found all of this disturbing and I told him, but he didn't find it so bad since he was not begging, he was just suggesting.. also he was playing the sympathy card.. he was left by his father and no one cared for him when he was little (although him mom is a pretty strong woman who took care as good as she could of him). He also had a history of receiving gifts and services from his ex-girlfriend who was rich and tried to keep him next to her for 5-6 years. He tried doing the same thing with me in the beginning, eating at my place without paying for groceries, taking my car to save gas, borrowing money and postponing returning them even though he would invest in his car, forgeting his wallet when going out..I told him it is bothering me a lot, so we went from that to splitting everything (which worked for me)
Now he was offered the opportunity to join some friends in a business, but it took him around two months only to find out what forms he needs to fill in in order to start a small firm. He insists that he is excited and he is finally going to work and show me that all my waiting was not in vain. Problem is that after 10 months of seeing him avoiding working and taking responsability.. I doubt I can relate to his mentality.. it's not only the worries for the future because he was not been working. I told him all this and he says he can change, I only have to wait a bit more, but it's the fact that I came to see him very immature and different from me. A job will not change that, and I can only base my decision on what happened, not on what could be

[richiro]

your instincts are right. drop him.

(i had a college classmate that i became close to - same personality type. same exact tatics). he told me he had a lead for jobs in hollywood (we went to audio engineering school together) so we moved and rented an apt together in L.A. Of course he never paid any rent. almost got evicted. damaged my credit score. his wallet or CC's or checkbook was always 'conveniently missing" or "turned down" when we were stuck and the only way (or so it feels right?) was to take care of it. always going to pay me back but never did. landlord started getting on me and would phsyically drop by the apt to pick up his rent check - which he said he'd be there - he was always conveniently gone.

i finally broke the lease 3 months in and moved out first (i had had enough) and he was left. I checked out with the manager's friend and my colleague was left. the landlord ended up not returning my deposit back b/c the colleauge he said looked likd he jsut took off and bailed and dint' move anything out of the apt. of course he never paid me back although he was selling hismotorbycle (yeah stupid me.. i gave him money oto buy it b/c his "check was going to clear next week to pay me back" when we first bought it... 1.5 yrs prior....)

and yes. exactly correct about the "sympathy card". he was always befriending another person and another person who somehow felt "sorry" for him and lent him everything he needed, etc.

drop him..
now....

the turth is.. why do people like that need to change if thereis always somebody willing to bail them out? why work to get all that stuff when you can do nothign and still get all that stuff? you staying with him only perpetuates and reinforces that to him so he'll do less.

LEAVE HIM. Force him to earn his own keep. maybe you can stay in a relationship but he has to make his own way, pay for his own things, nothing for freewith you anymore (no more going out where it costs anything). dinner is relegated to you bringing your own dinner to his place and if he doesn't have anything.. too bad.. he's not eating. and its at his place, no need to give him money to get home or have to drive him home and use up your gas.

if he proves himself then maybe okay. but i'll put down $100 if you do that, he doens't change.