Can't stop Thinking about him

[hazeleyes]

I met this guy online and for months he chased me, but I wasn't interested. After a while, he finally got my attention and we started going out. Now we live in two different states so we hadn't met yet in person. Anyway, we spoke everyday except two days which were Halloween and Thanksgiving, but since he said he was different and I wanted to believe him, I didn't ask questions, plus I felt it was too soon to start questioning him and we hadn't even met yet. So about four days before Christmas, he said he would buy me a plane ticket to go see him on Christmas day. Originally when he made the reservations, he called me & said that he would come see me in the city as much as possible. Well, I went and we met up. I only got to spend time with him two out of ten days I was there because the day I was supposed to go see him at his house he all of a sudden had to leave cause he said his family members needed him and didn't come back until I already came home. Everything was cool, though I had noticed even b4 we met that he wasn't the way he used to be and didn't say the same things he used too, but I blew it off. Well, Friday I saw something that said he was married, so I asked him and he said no that was his ex & he loves me. Well Saturday I wake up and find a message online saying he's breaking up with me cause I still smoke, which didn't make any sense cause we spoke about that several times and I told him when I would stop and he said okay. So I messaged him back, he didn't really give me a explanation just that I smoke. On Monday, I messaged him telling him how I felt and that he's really f*cked up cause he knew I was gonna stop. He now says that we were moving too fast and that he was just going along with it. I was like 'WHAT!? You were the one filling my head with how special I am & we'll be happy and u love me so much and now I'm rushing sh*t. You should've just told me I would have saved you $200 but all you wanted was to f*ck me right?" so he was like "I brought u here so you can see your family & don't throw the sex in my face. I didn't force you to do anything'' There was more but I don't wanna make this too long. Even though he's a asshole & he does not deserve me, I just miss him so much & the happiness I felt with him.

[xxazurexx]

Sounds like you were 'played' hon. He got what he wanted it seems, sex and now he's thinking of every excuse under the sun to get rid of you. He is right of course, he didn't force you into sex...you chose to have sex yourself! And sex will never guarantee a relationship will follow. What he did do though, is to lie to you and lead you into believing that this was the 'romance of the century' and so as to get 'easy sex'. Some men will say anything and fill a womans head with everything he thinks she wants to hear and to get laid easily and quickly...

Next time, don't jump into a bed with a man and until you are 100% sure of his interest and feelings, especially if you are looking for something serious.

Another thing....this guy probably IS married and if you saw papers that said he was married.

I personally think you dodged a bullet.

[hazeleyes]

I know he didn't force me, I wanted it but I thought we were gonna be together. As I think more about it and what happened & was said between us..it's becoming clearer that he was lying. When I first spoke to him online, he hit on me, I figured here's another guy after sex so I told him I had a man & I was faithful. He said that was good & backed off. But every time he signed on he messaged me right away. Like two months later I let it slip I didn't have a man and he tried again. I still resisted but eventually decided that I was finally gonna give him a chance. He right away started talking about sex with me and how divine it will be and all this stuff..I was like oh wow, but then I cut him off and asked is that all you want from me? He said no that he's likes my personality, I'm special and I'm gorgeous and he wants to start a relationship with me. So I said ok. On my profile page it said I was in a relationship with him, but his relationship info was hidden. But I figured he wanted to keep that private. Also when he commented on my statuses he never called me babe, but on private chats & texts, it was baby this babe that. He hardly called me, we would only talk when he was at work. I had doubts, but I wanted to believe him so I just made up excuses like oh he's a private person, he's busy with school and the two jobs. I didn't start to think there was someone else until I went with him to one of his jobs and first thing was he wasn't driving me back to the city, he put me on the train. As we were waiting for the train, we were making plans to see each other the next day for New Years eve and he asked if I would take the train to him so he didn't have to drive down, I said no problem. Am I staying at your house or coming back? He says 'Uhhh I think we'll have to crash at your place' I looked at him thinking whats the point of me taking the train up to him if we're gonna come back down to my place. But I told myself stop it, trust him. Then the next day he texts me in the morning that he's leaving cause of a family emergency, and he's sorry and he loves me and that this was the first step cause it's just the beginning. Now he drops me like I ain't sh*t. He was online earlier..not a word & he changed his picture back to the one he had when I first met him on his motorcycle. Probably on the prowl for his next girl.

[xxazurexx]

I know he didn't force me, I wanted it but I thought we were gonna be together.

Exactly! And that is why he lied to you and led you to believe that you are he were going to be together, when he was really just 'securing' the sex.

This is why and if you are ever looking for anything serious with a guy - you don't give him sex and until you ARE together and in an exclusive relationship. You have sex with him and before exclusive...he owes you nothing.

As I think more about it and what happened & was said between us..it's becoming clearer that he was lying. When I first spoke to him online, he hit on me, I figured here's another guy after sex so I told him I had a man & I was faithful. He said that was good & backed off. But every time he signed on he messaged me right away. Like two months later I let it slip I didn't have a man and he tried again. I still resisted but eventually decided that I was finally gonna give him a chance. He right away started talking about sex with me and how divine it will be and all this stuff..I was like oh wow, but then I cut him off and asked is that all you want from me?

And at that point you cut him off, you should have cut him off for good. I have encountered his sort before and on dating sites and you know what, I blocked them straight away and because they were not the type of man I was looking for.

As soon as he began talking about and mentioning 'sex', the alarm bells should have rang for you and told you that this was not a genuine man looking for a genuine relationship...but a man on the prowl for sexual encounters.

He said no that he's likes my personality, I'm special and I'm gorgeous and he wants to start a relationship with me. So I said ok.

Course they say all that shit - they wouldn't get the sex and if they didn't turn on the 'sweet talk' and make promises. They tell you all the things, they think you want to hear...that is the way they 'lure' you in and some women are gullible enough to believe and trust these men.

On my profile page it said I was in a relationship with him, but his relationship info was hidden. But I figured he wanted to keep that private.

If he'd been genuine, his relationship status would have been displayed....saying he was in a relationship with you. This guy and if genuine, would have done this and because he'd have wanted to earn your trust.

Also when he commented on my statuses he never called me babe, but on private chats & texts, it was baby this babe that. He hardly called me, we would only talk when he was at work. I had doubts, but I wanted to believe him so I just made up excuses like oh he's a private person, he's busy with school and the two jobs. I didn't start to think there was someone else until I went with him to one of his jobs and first thing was he wasn't driving me back to the city, he put me on the train. As we were waiting for the train, we were making plans to see each other the next day for New Years eve and he asked if I would take the train to him so he didn't have to drive down, I said no problem. Am I staying at your house or coming back? He says 'Uhhh I think we'll have to crash at your place' I looked at him thinking whats the point of me taking the train up to him if we're gonna come back down to my place. But I told myself stop it, trust him. Then the next day he texts me in the morning that he's leaving cause of a family emergency, and he's sorry and he loves me and that this was the first step cause it's just the beginning. Now he drops me like I ain't sh*t. He was online earlier..not a word & he changed his picture back to the one he had when I first met him on his motorcycle. Probably on the prowl for his next girl.

He's married I reckon. Only talked to you at work, wanted to crash at your place, rushed off to a family emergency, ...if things don't seem right, they usually aint and you should always trust your gut feelings.

There were 'red flags' all over the place and in regard to this guy...unfortunately you threw caution to the wind and trusted EVERY word he said.
I don't think it's a crime and to want to trust someone. But heck, you should never place your trust 'that' easily and in a person you meet online and who you hardly know.
Trust is earned and it isn't earned overnight.

Wouldn't feel too bad about it though and because there are some good actors out there. You won't be the first to fall for it and you won't be the last. Which is why dating sites will always remain a 'candy store', for this type of man....

Hopefully you will have learned from it all.

[sweetkissesforu]

I wonder why people trust so easily

[xxazurexx]

I wonder why people trust so easily

Probably because they want to believe there is good in everyone...but of course there isn't.
Maybe also because they want something so bad...like a relationship. And they will believe anything a man/woman tells them and to be in a relationship.

Sure fire way to get hurt and if you will trust newcomers into your life so easily....particularly the 'online man/woman'.

[hazeleyes]

Yea that's basically it. I wanted a real relationship and he promised all of it. He said he was different from the rest & at first I said to him 'they all say that' but with his words he did seem different so I started to believe everything he said. Though in the back of my mind the voices were saying 'hes too perfect and this perfect love shit does not happen to you' but I wanted it so I fell for it. I'm trying to make myself feel better by saying well I got a free trip to NY and saw my old friends & got some sex too, but on the other hand I feel low cause somebody just paid to have sex with me and Jet Blue was my pimp.

[xxazurexx]

Yea that's basically it. I wanted a real relationship and he promised all of it. He said he was different from the rest & at first I said to him 'they all say that' but with his words he did seem different so I started to believe everything he said. Though in the back of my mind the voices were saying 'hes too perfect and this perfect love shit does not happen to you' but I wanted it so I fell for it. I'm trying to make myself feel better by saying well I got a free trip to NY and saw my old friends & got some sex too, but on the other hand I feel low cause somebody just paid to have sex with me and Jet Blue was my pimp.

Tell you what I'd do. I'd take some new photos of yourself where you are looking really sexy and good and add them to the dating site.....let the asshole see what he could have had, that he chose to throw away.....

I've done that shit before....lol and they always came crawling back I mean it didn't go on to a relationship with these 2 particular guys, but still.....my new pics had got their attention again, but they got more attention from other guys also and nicer guys

[hazeleyes]

LOL! I was thinking that, get a nice tan, some sexy clothes and post them on facebook which is the site we met on. But after I'm over him..right now I think if he said he wanted me back, I probably would cause my heart would say yes even though my brain would scream "STOP you stupid bitch what r u doing!?"

[xxazurexx]

LOL! I was thinking that. But after I'm over him..right now I think if he said he wanted me back, I probably would cause my heart would say yes even though my brain would scream "STOP you stupid bitch what r u doing!?"

Tell me about it...been there, done that and had difficulty ending it with some tosser who messed around... lolsss

I honestly have to say though, that I'd have no difficulty calling it a day with some guy I knew had used me in that way and for sex. One thing is for sure, I wouldn't be stupid to give in again and have sex with him. He'd have to PROVE himself to me.

[hazeleyes]

I think I just need to stop talking to him at least for a while. He said he'd still help me with information on real estate for my final project, but I don't know. I might just tell him I'll do something else on my own. It's like he's a total different person now the way he talks to me like he don't care. Pisses me off the way in less than 12 hrs it went from I love you to I never cared.

[xxazurexx]

^I wouldn't take his offer of help and I'd stop talking to him.

He's talking to you differently now and because he got what he came for and now there is no need to sweet talk anymore.

I'm unsure why are you being a friend to him - he doesn't deserve your friendship.

[SelflessnHumble]

No offense but ya need to grow up a bit and get to know yourself better than you do...
He never loved you...In fact he used you for sex...and guess what? Since you gave it up (I don't know how quickly after meeting)
but he used words, lying and manipulating his way into your mind/life AND emotionally too advantage of your inner desires and whatever
else this con artist did to lure you into a feeling of security which NEVER existed...

What's left for him to do now? You gave it up so easily, he lost respect for you and doesn't find you at all appealing *anymore* based on your actions.

Lesson learned: Learn how to meet people face to face WITHOUT prefacing each others desires, wants and needs and the guy won't have to make up
bullshit in order to match your stats, make sense? This <------should be a fun mystery to uncover together, not be used as some mathematical equation
to sift through each other with efficiency and fantasy.

How you get over this: is to realize the truth.
He obviously met someone else and discarded you like a dirty diaper and used YOUR personal choices (like smoking) against you.
Only a cowardly poosay does this. A real man doesn't have sex with a woman until he is sure of her...He used you...Love someone who uses you? Y?

[hazeleyes]

^I wouldn't take his offer of help and I'd stop talking to him.

He's talking to you differently now and because he got what he came for and now there is no need to sweet talk anymore.

I'm unsure why are you being a friend to him - he doesn't deserve your friendship.

Yea, I figured that out about how he talks to me now. Getting his help was my original plan before we broke up, he would give me the info and I would design the cards, flyer & website for the business. I just didn't get a chance to ask him cause we broke up. So I figured since this is my final semester in college and I have so many projects, I thought about it and having his help would be easier, so I asked. He said yea and that I could count on him and I said 'I already fell for that one, but thanks.' I saw at school today that he did email me some info, but not everything I needed and said to let him know if it was okay. Soon as I saw his email, I felt the pain, I was like 'ugggh I can't do this' so now I'm debating now if I should answer back that I need more help or just use what he sent and look up the rest of the info myself.

No offense but ya need to grow up a bit and get to know yourself better than you do...
He never loved you...In fact he used you for sex...and guess what? Since you gave it up (I don't know how quickly after meeting)
but he used words, lying and manipulating his way into your mind/life AND emotionally too advantage of your inner desires and whatever
else this con artist did to lure you into a feeling of security which NEVER existed...

What's left for him to do now? You gave it up so easily, he lost respect for you and doesn't find you at all appealing *anymore* based on your actions.

Lesson learned: Learn how to meet people face to face WITHOUT prefacing each others desires, wants and needs and the guy won't have to make up
bullshit in order to match your stats, make sense? This <------should be a fun mystery to uncover together, not be used as some mathematical equation
to sift through each other with efficiency and fantasy.

How you get over this: is to realize the truth.
He obviously met someone else and discarded you like a dirty diaper and used YOUR personal choices (like smoking) against you.
Only a cowardly poosay does this. A real man doesn't have sex with a woman until he is sure of her...He used you...Love someone who uses you? Y?

Since I thought he was my man for real and cared I felt it wasn't a problem when we did it. But afterwards I was worried and I did ask him on our way to his job (not that he would tell me the truth) but he said he didn't think I was easy and we had been talking about it online so it was all good. I didn't meet him on a dating site. I didn't even want a new boyfriend which is why it took him over three months to finally get to me. He requested me as a friend on facebook and I accepted because we had one mutual friend and I thought they knew each other personally. After I accepted he started to message me on the chat. I wasn't attracted to him until I caught feelings than I didn't care about age and I thought he cute. Why I miss him even though he played me..I don't know. I miss how I felt with him & how happy I was, though it was all fake, but I was still happy. I keep telling myself I can do better, he played me, he doesn't deserve me, but I can't control how I feel and I just miss him.

[mindinfuture]

Well, forget this man... you were right to ignore him during the first few months. There are some pigs like this that go out of their way to get women interested in them, and once they have caught the woman's attention, they no longer want her. Forget him and move on!