best of craigslist.

**misombra** · 07-08-09, 03:31 AM

one of my facebook friends put this up today. thought i'd share it...

[url]http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sba/1228602341.html[/url]

Satanic Sexual Ritual
Date: 2009-06-18, 5:13PM PDT

Looking for a woman with evil appetites.
We will have nasty, evil, sweaty, probably illegal sexual encounters in order to bring about the rise of Lucifer. (ie Satan)
Must be willing to do all styles of sexual positions, except Missionary. That is the Lord's Way, and we will have none of that. Besides, if we do it Missionary, Satan gets angry and a kitten dies. I like kittens.

Must be into anal. For that is Satan's Alley. Must like blow jobs (Swallowing Lucifer's Gravy) and Hand Jobs (Milking the Evil Goat)
Must be into slight S&M (Safe word: Pink Sock)
Must be into erotic and evil costumes and lingerie. Leather Thongs, spikes, boots, black and evil bras that accentuate your bosom, Boba Fett costumes.
Must be willing to deep throat. (So that my satanic appendage will be closer to your black soul)
Must be into strap-ons so that I may feel the "Power of Beezlebub" coursing thru my lower intestines.

The perfect encounter will be this:

Meeting you at one of our local eatery's. Plying you with ample alcoholic libations. Enjoying a nice piece of animal flesh. Tipping the waiter only 10% instead of 15 to 20% (Because we are EVIL!) Taking you back to my lair. Removing your Gothic Garb, laying you roughly upon my "Sacrifice Altar" (Twin size futon), and promptly begin to nibble on your Satanic Slit. (Please shave before the ritual, as it's hard to be evil when you got pubes stuck in your fillings) Whence you are all moist with the Power of The Dark Lord's Juices, I will remove my cape and trousers and proceed to fill you with the Sceptre of His Infernal Majesty. You will writhe in pleasure so deep, it will call forth the Evil One himself! After 4 to 7 minutes of the most intense sexual experience of your God Fearing life, we will perform a Satanic Snuggle, until you gently fall asleep in my powerful arms.

If this taps into the Primordial Jelly you have buried deep down in your Dark Soul, then contact me and we will make beautiful, agonizing "love" together. We will combine our desires and perform rituals so evil, it will awaken the Evil Ancient One from His Firey Nap! He will spill forth from the Bowels of Hell like so much premature Satanic Ejaculate!!

Hails to the Evil One!!

* Location: Santa Barbara
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1228602341

**Raze** · 07-08-09, 03:35 AM

That is really freaky!!! =O

**IndiReloaded** · 07-08-09, 03:44 AM

LOL! Santa Barbara, sounds like someone I might know.

**Sonrisa** · 07-08-09, 04:16 AM

hilarious! thank you misombra

**Raze** · 07-08-09, 04:30 AM

Is this a joke or is this really for real?

**Sonrisa** · 07-08-09, 04:32 AM

i don't care, i want him!

**Raze** · 07-08-09, 05:08 AM

You sick bastard!

**Sonrisa** · 07-08-09, 05:10 AM

Santa Barbara here i come!

**Raze** · 07-08-09, 05:12 AM

LMFAO! Too funny

**Sonrisa** · 07-08-09, 06:11 AM

it's nothing but an hour drive

**Sonrisa** · 07-08-09, 06:40 AM

miso, tell us more about the friend please. my fb friends now want to know about him lol.

**Cbrider** · 07-08-09, 07:13 AM

Sonrisa is my candidate for horniest woman of 09'. And 10', 11', 12' so fourth and so on.

Get em tiger.

**misombra** · 07-08-09, 07:41 AM

Originally Posted by Sonrisa

miso, tell us more about the friend please. my fb friends now want to know about him lol.

you have facebook and haven't added me? i feel so betrayed!

**Mish** · 07-08-09, 07:55 AM

Originally Posted by misombra

you have facebook and haven't added me? i feel so betrayed!

Tell me about it

**Sonrisa** · 07-08-09, 07:57 AM

waaaaaaaaaaaaa, i feel so bad now.....

Thread: best of craigslist.

Thread Tools

best of craigslist.

Similar Threads

Craigslist peronal ads...

Craigslist Meetup.

OMG Craigslist?

Posting Permissions