Please Help Me. Im So Confused With Life And This Girl.

[cd32505n]

I really could use a lot of help. I guess I will start from point one.


I have known this girl for about 6 years now. At first everything was great. We had rocky moments just as every relationship does. We ended up breaking up after 2 years of dating. We were on and off for about the next year. That did not go to well we both just faught not stop and we didnt agree on a lot of things.

I ended up having enough. We ended up falling apart and I found out she was seeing someone else and I new they slept together. I had a lot of hatred inside of me so I decided to move on. We didnt talk at all for 8 months. After about 8 months a recieved an email from her stating that she missed me and she made many mistakes and she wanted to meet up and apologize and basically fill me in on what was going on with her.

It took a lot of thinking but i decided to see her. She visited me in manhatten and she ended up staying with me for a weekend. She sat down with me and said everything I wanted to hear. It was great. I loved her but i felt like she was going down the wrong road and I coudnt deal with how she was. She said she changed and that she made many mistakes when we were not speaking for the 8 months. She told me everything. It was very disturbing to hear that she had slept around more than she ever had and it kind of made me feel disgusted in her. I appreciated the honesty but I looked at her so different.

I tried to do the mature thing and look past her mistakes because we have all made them. I took her back because I loved her. I was so happy and it felt like the girl I always wanted and loved was back without all the negative attributes. I WAS WRONG.

After about 1 week she started acting the same way she always did. Everything was about her and she always made me stress out over things I shoudnt be worrying about. Im not 100% innocent here but again I had enough. We ended up breaking it off and again living hell started for me. We actually went back and forth again. When ever she was upset or missed me she would call me and want to get back together.. Normally it was if something really bad happened. We just broke up again about 1 months ago. We were talking and seeing eachother once in awhile but after awhile i just kept feeling used and hurt. I will get more into this after i tell the basics. I decided to stop talking to her. It has been 2 weeks and I havnt spoke or seen her. She has been calling me and she even showed up when I wasnt around to see me. I dont think she wants to get back with me but she wants me in her life because we go way back and I cant handle it. I love her so much but I cant stand to see her with other guys. Im sick of being hurt. IDK what to do. I want to be with her but I cant get over all the bs she has done and the guys she had has slept with over that 8 month period. What do I do guys?


*A little more info*

I have known her for 6 years. I was all she had at first. She comes from a very disfuncional family and she was kicked out of her house because her mother is crazy. I have know her mother for awhile and there are a few screws loose. She lived with me for awhile before I found out she was seeing someone else and I moved to nyc and tried to move on. We were not together when she was seeing this guy but I still felt used because I was helping her so much because she was living with me and we were intimate once in awhile.

Anyway she has been on her own and is taking care of her little sister by herself. I respect that but she always seems to want me and than throw me away. She is a very beautifull girl and she can get whatever guy she wants but she has a connection with me due to the fact I new since she was in 8th grade. We grew up together.

Anyway.... She lives day to day and thats why I cannot do this anymore. I want her so bad sometimes any I dont know if im doing the correct thing. Can someone help me out.. Im so confused and i just wanna know im doing the right thing by not speaking to her even though I havnt sat her down and told her why im done with her. HELP ME??!!??



Thankyou guys so much.

[Cain]

It doesn't look like she's changing and you need to understand that. Usually, when two people that broke up get back together, they eventually break up for the very same reasons they did before. Things don't just change.

You can't be friends with her. It will bother you to see her with other guys. But you also can't be in a relationship with her. This on again, off again relationship is extremely unhealthy.

You need to just cut off all contact. Ignore her. Eventually, she'll get the hint and move on with her life. Also, if in another year from now she calls you, continue to ignore her. Don't risk letting this happen again.

[cd32505n]

Thanks im just really confused. I love her so much. Its just such a disappointment. I feel like I atleast owe her an explanation why im not talking to her anymore. Is this a bad idea.?

[Cain]

Thanks im just really confused. I love her so much. Its just such a disappointment. I feel like I atleast owe her an explanation why im not talking to her anymore. Is this a bad idea.?

You owe her nothing.

By talking to her again, you risk her being able to convince you to give the relationship another try.

Step away.

[cd32505n]

What if she stops by. This is what i am worried about. She tried comeing by yesterday. She is close with the family and she can easily just walk in my house. What do i say to her if she comes into my house and asks me why i have been avoiding her?

[Cain]

What if she stops by. This is what i am worried about. She tried comeing by yesterday. She is close with the family and she can easily just walk in my house. What do i say to her if she comes into my house and asks me why i have been avoiding her?

If that happens, then tell her. Tell her that you're tired of all of the baggage and that it's not what you want. Tell her that you don't want to be with her anymore and that will never change. Tell her that it's over and that you've moved on and that she should to.

If I were you, though, I'd make sure that the people you live with know about the situation. Unless they are really close friends, they should respect you enough to not let her in.

[cd32505n]

Ahh This sucks man. Thankyou though. Im so dissapointed that after all this time it didnt work.

[Cain]

Ahh This sucks man. Thankyou though. Im so dissapointed that after all this time it didnt work.

Don't be. Failed relationships happen. And I hate to tell you this, but you're probably going to encounter a few more of them.

But it's alright. Eventually, you'll find the woman that you were meant to be with.

[starbuck]

I agree. This seems like the kind of situation in which no contact with her is the best plan. Especially since you gave her every chance in the book to change and she didn't.

You need time to move on and heal. It's so natural to be disappointed. Without all the back and forth, you'll actually be able to breathe again and the disappointment will eventually be lifted.

She also needs to respect your space and not show up at your place unannounced. If you tell her anything, tell her that.

[cd32505n]

So u guys dont think I should tell her why im done with her and I should just ignore her and move on.. ??

[starbuck]

So u guys dont think I should tell her why im done with her and I should just ignore her and move on.. ??

I think you should tell her if it makes you feel better. But the problem with telling her is that she may try and ply you with promises to change again, and you could end up in back and forth land again.

If you really want to give her the reasons (which is perfectly fine). You could always write her a farewell email in which you end it by telling her that it is the last email that you are going to write to her and that you prefer no contact with her for a good 3-6 months in order for you to move on. Then block her emails.

[Cain]

So u guys dont think I should tell her why im done with her and I should just ignore her and move on.. ??

You shouldn't have to explain yourself.

I really think that you should avoid contact.

[cd32505n]

IDK how I feel. She is a very hard person to deal with. She deals with a lot in her life and I have always been there and helped her out but she has screwed me over so many times in the last 6 years and she makes me feel like dirt 50% of the time. The reason why we last broke up is because i found text messages on her phone that were really disturbing.

The text was as follows:

Him: Why are you with him if you say you love me?
Her: Dont do anything, maybe we arnt ment to be together.

She was talking to this guy and i read this on her B-Day. She also told him shes only seeing me for 2 hours and than she was gunna get her little sis and come by. IDK if she was cheating on me but i brought it up we got into a huge fight and she said I was like a little kid. She said I was immature and i was nuts. She didnt answer my questions refering to the text messages. She said it was just talk and I was so stupid. I think its still wrong. Even if it didnt get to a physical level talk is cheating in my eyes.


It has been 1 month since that day and it had been hard to see her etc.. Its things like this that make me upset and confused. I love her but is it really worth getting hurt again? I think she might even be seeing someone else. She just hides everything from me. She wants me to be a friend in her life and she says that she wants me to change and grow up and than she wants to have a life with me.. I think its excuses..

[Cain]

She's trying to turn the tables on you. How many times have you heard of someone cheating but accusing their partner of cheating instead?

You really need to get over her and move on. She needs to be out of your life completely. You deserve to find someone that's not going to waste your time.

[Zehx]

Dude, don't think for a second that your current predicament is something that has only happened to you. I know exactly how you feel.

something strange happened last night when I gave every last effort to fix my broken relationship, I had tried my hardest, gave this girl every last chance to take me back, showed her of the sweetness forsaken and she still refused. After that final refusal where she failed to meet my expectations I am beginning to think that she was right to move on, that I am young and really I dont need her. Its that physical attraction that bond you create with someone who makes you forget who you were and think theres nothing better but there is.

Trust me, this coming from someone who I swear to god was completley miserable 2 nights ago and suddenly I feel so much better, yeah I miss her a little bit but theres other crap out there. Its funny, you always look at yourself as the most different, individual person in the whole world.

Life.... haha, cant wait till someone figures it out for all of us, but relationships I think are overplayed and im laughing at myself from two days ago for throwing myself into turmoil over it.

Things will get better for you, but if you've tried and given her chance after chance than "If you love her, let her go"