Need advice-this is serious

[Samantha]

For 2 years I was in this wonderful relationship. When he first saw me, it was love at first sight. He was completely breath taken by me. He could literally jump off a cliff if I asked him to. Unfortunately, he had cheated on my cousin to be with me (I didnt knw this until 1 month into the relationship) but he seemed to love me so much that I stayed with him. He treated my cuz really nastily but by then i had starte dliking him too.

For 2 years, we had the best time of our lives, we had so much fun, lots of passion, romance. It was like he would die without me. He would write poems for me, text and ring me constantly. I started to use and abuse this love. He would spend his entire week’s wages on meeting me, buying me gifts, keeping me happy. He was extremely possessive about me, he couldn’t bare any contact I had with any other guys. I almost did break off contact with every othr guy I had known except for 1, Joe.

Anyways, over time when I was asked out by other guys (and my bf doesn’t know this but I was tempted at times but didn’t do anything about it). He would shout at me, hed get angry about my past wth other guys and wed end up arguing. However, many a time, I was unreasonable and used to argue with him for no reason. I used to threaten him that I would leave him every other day. Several times, I made him cry (this was a hunky grown up strong man). But everytime, he cried, I used to feel happy to see how much he loved me.

I decided to try modelling and I did start to get quite a few modelling offers. I used to chat to this high profile photographer and I used to like talking to him but I really didn’t have any romantic intentions with him. I would never hurt my bf, I would never cheat on him even though he thought I would. My bf started getting very angry, he couldn’t stand this photographer and thought I was flirting with him which I was not.

Few weeks went on and we were getting along fine, however, I suddenly started noticing this number he kept texting on his fone bill. I was supicious and couldn’t understand who else other than me he could text that much. So I decided to ring up and found a girls voice, his cousins voice (Rachel). I asked him who it was, he told me its his cuz n they were just being friendly. But my instinct was saying, there was more to these texts. I got very suspicious. As a result, I said I wanted to break up with him and after loads of arguments, he eventually gave up and sed we can break up. This was the first time in our relationship he agreed to break up. In the past, he had never agreed and I was surprised by this.

He started crying loads and I felt sorry for him and thought ‘im so wrong, he loves me so much just like before, he cant be flirting with his cousin’. So we didn’t break up. Texts to that number stopped after he met me 2 days later. But the thought was still in my head and I wanted to know why he text that number so much in the last week. I rang the number, pretending to be his friend and asked what was going on between him and her. Rachel answered the call, she told me he’d been sending her flirty texts although nothing dirty. My heart was broken into pieces, I jst couldn’t believe it. She had no reason to lie and it all added up. She sent me a few of his texts and I couldn’t believe he could have done this to me. My world was shattered and I cant explain the extent of my pain. I cried every sec of the day.

I confronted him, initially he didn’t want to talk. Eventually, he admitted he sent those texts but just as a joke to see her reaction. When he saw that she was willing, he supposedly found it funny and then stopped texting her without any notice. Rachel also had mentioned on the fone that he stoppsed texting her suddenly 2 weeks before I rang her and she didn’t understand why because she was flirting back and was willing. He said, if he fancied her, would he have stopped texting her even before I knew, that too without any notice?

Now taking everything into account, could u plz give me your opinions on wether he did ever fancy her? Wether he did this, simply to get back at me for talking 2 other guys? Wether he did this because he felt left out while I was going into modelling? Or wether this really was a joke? I really don’t know. I don’t know wether this is punishement for what I did to my cuz. I just dontknow and im feeling awful. Every morning, I wish I never had to wake up. My fiends say its such a small thing but its huge for me. Please give me your advice people and I will then tell u part 2 of my dilemma.

[vashti]

He used to date YOUR cousin, and now he is flirting with his OWN cousin? If I have that right, then I would say that you reap what you sow to the first bit, and yuck to the second.

[Samantha]

Ok i agree you reap what u sow. I feel bad about that. I know my cuz was hurt beyone belief n hers was worse coz he left her for me. But im going thru the same pain now, well i guess hers was still worse coz he didnt leave me for his cuz. He also flirted with her only for a week and stopped widout even teling her. But Idont understand y he did it? This is the guy who could do anything for me then y?

[Ellynn]

Yeah thats just um weird.......him flirting with his own cousin.....

Then the fact of how you saw him treat your own cousin..... That right there would be a red flag IMO....

This guy sounds kinda crazy...mainly because....
-hes overly possessive
-He's sending flirty messages to his cousin and shes sending them back.
- He won't let you have any guy friends

[Samantha]

I know its wierd that he flirted with his cousin, it really is. But he's always had this strange affection for his family. I duno if that stems from there at all. I know u think it should have been a red flag when he cheated on my cuz. But believe me, if u were in my place, there would be no doubts that he could literally do anything for me at the the time, for 2 whole years in fact. I didnt always treat him as nicely as he should have been considering all the things he did for me. Many times i made him cry threatening to leave him over no apparent reason. Right now im confused about what to do and I really need some direction. Please just forget about what he did to my cousin for a bit.

[Gigabitch]

You people treat each other like shit. I fully expect to see both of you on Jerry Springer soon.

What are you looking for, Samantha? Do you really need an explanation for why he did this? OK, here it is: the boy is crazy. he cannot differentiate good attention from bad attention, and will do just about anything to get either kind of attention from you.

He may start burning things next, or kidnap you so you won't be able to leave him.

Maybe you should break up with him and start dating somebody with a spine.

[XPixiedustX]

Honestly I don't think the issue is whether he fancies his cousin or not.(which is really strange by the way unless she' s liek his third cousin or something!) You two have a very unhealthy relationship. He's possesive, controlliing and enjoys making you jealous.... you are manipulative, selfish and enjoy excercising your authority over him. You two need some growing up to do befor eyou can be in a relationship. I say this cuz I've been there. He needs to become less insecure, and you need to learn that it's not good to toy with emotions. Your lives need to be less intertwined. couples need to spend some time apart, each perosn doing something on their own without their partner. And true love is not determined by whether or not someone is willing to jump off a cliff for you. Learn to respect and trust eachother...and then maybe think about other things.

[Teezy]

Ok, this is the "Ask a Male" forum and there hasn't been any male responses. So here's mine:

I don't know your boyfriend, but he sounds like an average frustrated chump. Someone who is desperate for affection who will do anything to keep you in his life. Someone who will never break up with you because he is afraid of not having another girlfriend for a long time. It sounds to me like a companionship thing moreso than an emotional, heart-felt relationship. Correct me if i'm wrong.

This sounds EXACTLY like what happened with my roomate and his gf.

My roomate was so jealous of other guys talking to her (especially me because we were roomates) that he would try to counter act this by flirting with other girls just to make HER jealous. He would never let her go anywhere without him, for fear of her talking to another guy. He was so insecure with himself that he didn't believe he was the one for her...but that she was the one for him.

Yes, it's very childish. And if you two are having these types of problems, then you shouldn't be together right now. What ended up happening with my roomate and his gf is that she got so tired of him complaining to her every night before bed about talking to me and hanging out with me that she hooked up with me in spite of him. When they broke up, she was very sad for months, almost to the point of suicide, but she pulled through and now her and I are together and are very, very happy. But I digress.

It doesn't make sense that he would text message his cousin in a flirtatious way, unless he believes in incest, which in my opnion, you should leave him because that's against my morals. Were you ever jealous in the relationship or was it just him?

[Samantha]

No Iv never been insecure in the relationship, it always seemed that he had eyes for meonly and I know for a fact that hes never flirted with any other girl in our first 2 years and the only person he did flirt with was the cousin after all this time. To be honest I don't think he was insecure about himself either or feared loneliness. Hes a good looking guy and it wouldnt be hard for him to find another girl. It was him who dumped my cousin and came after me. Hes not afraid to pursue when he wants something. Also I know flirting with your cousin is wierd and shes his first cousin! Anyway, she fancied him back and she admitted that to me so he could have easily had her but he didnt. He broke contact with her after 1 week of flirting with her and without saying anything to her. She told me she kept texting him a few times after that but he wouldnt reply to her.

[Teezy]

Ok then both of you should seek therapy. Him for having an attraction for his cousin, and you for getting over him and moving on.

[klickaroos]

Incest! that's disgusting!