My boyfriend wants an open relationship but I don't.

[aimeetron]

My boyfriend and I are both 20 (almost 21) years old. We met when we were 18 and just out of high school. We have been dating for 2 years and everything has been fantastic. We lived together for the last year and we have had an exclusive relationship.

A few months ago he moved away for college and things stayed good. I plan on moving back in with him in about a year but for now its a long distance relationship. We see each other 1 - 2 times a month and talk every day.

However, he came back this last weekend and told me he wants an open relationship. He only wants a physical relationship with other women, essentially one night stands. He wants to grow and learn and experience new things while he can. We are both still so young but our relationship is very serious.

Logically I understand where he is coming from but I really do not feel comfortable with an open relationship. I am an extremely jealous person and I can't help but feel like an open relationship with the added stress of long distance can only hurt us. I don’t know if I can emotionally handle it. I truly wonder if he is with another woman if I ever be able to really believe he loves me ever again. I feel like I am not enough for him. And that if he really truly loved me he would not need to be with anyone else.

He told me that he will try and remain in a committed relationship if that is what I decide but that in the long run the relationship may end because of that.

I can't be 100% sure but by the sounds of it he seemed to only want to be with 2 - 5 girls in a one year period (before I move back in with him) and then go back to being in an exclusive relationship.

He gave me time to consider it and talk about it before anything happens and although I haven't agreed I have come up with some conditions. Here they are:

. All outside sex follows safer sex guidelines
. No sex with mutual friends or anyone who lives in your dorm room
. Sexual encounters may only take place when you are at college without me and must not interfere with our customary or planned time together (such as a scheduled time to talk online)
. Sexual encounters are not spoken of.
. No emotional involvement with outside sex partners what-so-ever. If you sleep with anyone else, it’s just supposed to be a fling, a one night stand. You can’t get emotionally attached, and if you do, you have to cut off the chord immediately with that person.
. You need to be beyond honest and clear with anyone you are with. Expressing fully that you are in a serious relationship and that there will be nothing beyond that night.
. You may not have sex with a girl more then one time.
. You must get tested after every partner or before we sleep together
. If at any point I ever become uncomfortable with the open relationship just stop.
. If you learn something new that you like, share it/show it to me. I don’t want you to think that you can only experience new things with someone else. If you want to try something new with me that's fine and if there is something you like let me know.


So basically what I want to know is your opinion on this situation, on open relationships, and what you think of the guidelines I came up with.

Thank you so much!!!

[sniperxxx]

hey aimeetron.

Wow this is an incredibly difficult position your in! Believe me, An open relationship can never work! you cant live your life not knowing who your boyfriend is with!!! I know you probably love him with all of your heart but it does not seem as though he feels the same way about you. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION AND I COULD BE WRONG. He needs to understand that he can't just put you in a closet and bring you out when he needs you. And you can't have a relationship that you are not comfortable with. it just doesn't work that way. i am sorry aimee. but thats my opinion.

i hope it helps at all.
good luck
sniperxxx

[pdubu]

Turn that offer DOWN.

If he really deeply truly loves you, he'll put up with the distance. He'll wait until the two of you can come together again. He'll brave that shitstorm I always mention, with you.

[aimeetron]

I don't think the distance is the issue. I think its the fact that we are still so young, met so young, and plan on staying together and he is afraid he isn't going to experience anything else.

The long distance just puts added stress on the situation.

[Heratriumphant]

If you agree it will either kill the relationship, your self esteem or all of the above.

Been there, done that. Got the scars and issues to prove it.

[vashti]

Forget it. It's a terrible idea. You are looking for your heart to be shredded if you agree to this, not to mention that none of your rules can be enforced. Just break up - if you both choose to, you can reconcile at a later date, when he has finished sowing his wild oats. In the interim, keep your dignity.

[Carmen]

That's disgusting! I would NEVER lower myself to that. Don't do it, don't accept that or you'll be putting yourself in a very low and sad place.

[qwertz]

Wow, grow a bit of self respect and say NO...the fact that you are asking on here shows you arentcomfortable with it. It will destroy your relationship.
'Living' a bit more does not mean having no strings sex with people.

I mean..a guy could have sex with 100 girls and not have 'lived' and got life experience..whereas a guy that has been in a few LT relationships will probably have a lot more life experience.

[Gigabitch]

Just break up. Your title says it all. A relationship, open or not, has to work for BOTH of you, and you don't want this.

[misombra]

usually relationships that start in your teens don't last past your 20's anyway. so even if it did work you two probably wouldn't be together in the end anyway. and it would probably be because he messed around with other girls and you couldn't handle it.

dump him.

[Mish]

I'm with everyone. I don't think the guidelines will work. You are only 20, don't settle for a crappy relationship when you can easily find a much better suitor.

[LatinoItaliano]

My boyfriend and I are both 20 (almost 21) years old. We met when we were 18 and just out of high school. We have been dating for 2 years and everything has been fantastic. We lived together for the last year and we have had an exclusive relationship.

A few months ago he moved away for college and things stayed good. I plan on moving back in with him in about a year but for now its a long distance relationship. We see each other 1 - 2 times a month and talk every day.

However, he came back this last weekend and told me he wants an open relationship. He only wants a physical relationship with other women, essentially one night stands. He wants to grow and learn and experience new things while he can. We are both still so young but our relationship is very serious.

Logically I understand where he is coming from but I really do not feel comfortable with an open relationship. I am an extremely jealous person and I can't help but feel like an open relationship with the added stress of long distance can only hurt us. I don’t know if I can emotionally handle it. I truly wonder if he is with another woman if I ever be able to really believe he loves me ever again. I feel like I am not enough for him. And that if he really truly loved me he would not need to be with anyone else.

He told me that he will try and remain in a committed relationship if that is what I decide but that in the long run the relationship may end because of that.

I can't be 100% sure but by the sounds of it he seemed to only want to be with 2 - 5 girls in a one year period (before I move back in with him) and then go back to being in an exclusive relationship.

He gave me time to consider it and talk about it before anything happens and although I haven't agreed I have come up with some conditions. Here they are:

. All outside sex follows safer sex guidelines
. No sex with mutual friends or anyone who lives in your dorm room
. Sexual encounters may only take place when you are at college without me and must not interfere with our customary or planned time together (such as a scheduled time to talk online)
. Sexual encounters are not spoken of.
. No emotional involvement with outside sex partners what-so-ever. If you sleep with anyone else, it’s just supposed to be a fling, a one night stand. You can’t get emotionally attached, and if you do, you have to cut off the chord immediately with that person.
. You need to be beyond honest and clear with anyone you are with. Expressing fully that you are in a serious relationship and that there will be nothing beyond that night.
. You may not have sex with a girl more then one time.
. You must get tested after every partner or before we sleep together
. If at any point I ever become uncomfortable with the open relationship just stop.
. If you learn something new that you like, share it/show it to me. I don’t want you to think that you can only experience new things with someone else. If you want to try something new with me that's fine and if there is something you like let me know.


So basically what I want to know is your opinion on this situation, on open relationships, and what you think of the guidelines I came up with.

Thank you so much!!!

This angers me.

Do you know why?

Because you're wasting time on an idiot like this little ignorant boy, while he does NOT care about you. Meanwhile, there's a nice guy out there, somewhere, waiting to meet a nice girl to be in a FAITHFUL, monogamous relationship with for life, yet cannot find any! Why? BECAUSE they're all taken by idiot males who cheat on them!

Bah!

He doesn't care about you. Do not try to 'understand' from his point of view. That's just like a kid trying to 'understand' a bully's point of view and says "Ah, I guess if I were big and strong, I'd bully other kids around and take their money, too! Okay, I'll let it continue then!"

Goodness, gracious... STOP!

Leave him. He's not worth your time. And I'm sorry that happened to you, but college makes most people become whores in this society.

[Only-virgins]

Don't agree to anything you don't want to. He gave you those rules? Give him one:

1.)I'm leaving

[flea]

I know something you should do to put him off balance and see how he really likes this set up....

say to him: "you know what? this might work out great! I just met a nice guy at my friends house the other night, he was being really nice to me and giving me the eye, but I ignored him because I love you and wanted to stay true. he would be an ideal first for me in this arrangement, and from the looks I was getting I'm sure he'd go for it!"

see how he likes this idea then.

[aimeetron]

Well obviously he wouldn't go into it and tell me that I can't be with other guys.