please read..though it might be a bit long

[kitty001]

i met my boyfriend, james, a little over a year ago. we took a summer course together and spent a ton of time together along with two other classmates. a month after we met, he told me he loved me and i truly felt the same way. at any rate, we went out for a year. we dormed in the same building, and took this opportunity to virtually live together. looking back, i suppose we did spend too much time together..but much of it was spent helping each other out with studying and homework and all that. we go to a very tough college, so it's necessary to get help from others to keep your head above water. we probably shouldnt have isolated ourselves so much and made other close friendships..but anyway..

then summer came, and things started to change, slowly. i dont know if it was triggered by fact that we were no longer always together, since i moved back home (a short train ride from school) and he moved into an apartment with his roommate. for the past few months, it's felt like we arent great friends anymore. we used to always have engaging conversations, do fun things together, ballroom dancing, make artistic things together, etc. but then summer hit, and he was suddenly talking less and sort of keeping to himself more. things have been especially rocky the past two weeks or so. he just sits alone in his apartment and wont call me or contact me unless i call him. he says he feels like he did in high school. i didnt know him at the time, and he's been working on trying to explain to me clearly how he felt back then. i do know he was usually alone. he apparently felt awkward being with groups of people.
but the other day when i went to his apartment, we somehow got into a really interesting convo and i watched a show he had been asking me to watch and i really liked it. i was very happy that night, and i could tell he was, too..it was like the spark in our relationship and friendship had been relit. then tonight out of nowhere he said he wasnt sure he wanted to be in a relationship..and that the contrast of the happy of the other night with the dullness of our relationship the past few months made him realize how things have changed.

this is his first relationship, and ive only been in a few prior, and i want him to realize relationships do have highs and lows. i cant see myself being with anyone else, and he feels the same about himself. it could be that things have been dull because neither of us worked or did anything very time consuming this summer, and so we had lots of time to spend together and not much to do with said time. im worried he'll insist we break up because he feels like we arent good friends anymore and thinks its the right decision and ruin a great relationship. i dont want to lose him. any thoughts or advice would be appreciated!

[starbuck]

I'm guessing that he's acting the way he is because it is his first relationship, and he doesn't really have that learning curve that others have when it comes to the complicated phases that a relationship can go through. He might not know how to process his feelings yet.

Have you asked him how he's feeling about the relationship? You shouldn't not ask because you're afraid of the answer. Having open lines of communication open is better than having a bombshell dropped on you when you're least expecting it.

[lastwish]

It sounds like you guys are growing apart. People change. You're both still young and probably not ready to settle. I don't think youth should be wasted...its a time for self-development and fun.

Let nature run its course. You might end up growing apart OR growing together. Whatever path the relationship takes...it's not the end of the world. Don't stress too much.

[kitty001]

thanks for the advice, guys. i spoke to him, and he says he feels like he can't handle the pressure of being in a relationship right now- it makes him feel completely responsible for me. we're best friends, so we definitely don't plan to stop spending time together completely. i know he hasn't ruled out the possibility of us being together again in the future. i'll just try to be less clingy and more independent and see where life takes us. thanks again.

[starbuck]

Good for you, Kitty. It's nice to hear about an undramatic breakup on the forums for a change...lol.