Im worried Im losing her... Please help

[LiLtokoyo]

My girl friend and I have been together for almost 2 years now and now have been living together for about a year. These past few months have been rough. Most of her friends, sisters, and family believe she is way too good for me. She comes from a very well to do family and I come from a broken family, was homeless for a while. Got adopted into a very loving family. But also have a child from another relationship, have a felony on my record, been to jail and right now, it seems like nothing is going how I hoped.

I will admit that I have had sent some emails to some of my ex-girl friends and Text some others. My girlfriend has always thought I was going to leave her for another girl. Which to me makes me worried that she wanted to leave. I never cheated, but I hurt her when she found the messages.

In my efforts to clear up my past, I found out I had a bench warrant out for a court date that I missed years ago. I had to do 12 days in jail. When I got out, she seemed so different.

She used to talk to someone when she found my emails and text messages. She met this guy online, and he lives across the country. He makes non-stop passes at her, wants her to visit. She says she will stop talking to him, but I am not controlling. So I tell her its ok, but just want her to stop, not because I told her too, but because she wants too.

Its now getting worse, I have checked her text messages, but she deletes them a lot. I only catch part of the of the conversation. The last messages I saw were from him...

"Why do you think Im going to end up hurting you"

To me, it now seems like they are discussing a relationship, and now Im going to lose her.

Im at my wits end and need some advice... I want to fix this, earn her trust again. We both still love each other, but I have hurt our trust, and now she is hurting mine. I just want this guy to phase out.

[Raze]

Yeah dude, I think she wants to end the relationship. I don't this guy is going to phase out. It's bad that her family doesn't think you're right for her.

[LiLtokoyo]

Yeah dude, I think she wants to end the relationship. I don't this guy is going to phase out. It's bad that her family doesn't think you're right for her.

Its so confusing right now. She says that she loves me, and still shows affection. She is unsure if she can put the energy into this now. I dont expect everything to go away. But this guy is 2500 miles away. Im not worried about that. What can really happen at this point. Im just hurt cause I used to be her best friend. Now she keeps parts of her life away from me.

She admits this, we are actively talking about it. I just want to be that person she trusts again.

[elz]

how sad... but think of this if she found someone else then let go... though it hurts but believe me some girls says that they love their partner but it was a lie. if they're really into their partner whatever reason maybe they will not to chose to leave you.

[LiLtokoyo]

Well... We are about to leave for a weekend to visit my parents. I am going to ask her about the message I read this morning. It could be our last weekend together then. I guess I will see what she says.

[little pingoin]

You don't have to worry about the guy in a physical sense, but he's clearly drawing your girlfriend away from you in an emotional sense. That can be just as damaging.

You have to ask her to stop talking to the guy. Make her feel important. Make her feel special. Make her feel all those things she felt when you first got together. Don't take the little things for granted. That's the only reason this guy is around - he's making her feel all the things you stopped making her feel.

Tell her, honestly, how you feel. Tell her you want the two of you to work things out together. Delete all of the ex-girlfriends numbers from your phone and block all of their email addresses. Rebuild your girlfriend's confidence in you. It doesn't have to be the end.

[Yggdrasil]

You can't control what's going to happen.

By trying to be controlling, you'll make things worse.

All you can do is talk to her, calmly, express how you feel and what you would like, then back off.

In the end, it's her choice, regardless of what you want or like to happen.

[Enigmos]

the fact that you sent emails and text messages to old flames is a HUGE flag. if you're concerned about this other dude, look inside yourself: you opened this can of worms.

when you didn't tell her right from the getgo about your cause for the 12-day jail stint, that was another huge flag. she is looking to someone else because she doesn't trust you.

you need to open the lines of communication in a calm way. ask her what she needs from you. tell her what you're willing to do. how you're willing to change.

and mean it.

[longshan2009]

You can't control what's going to happen.

By trying to be controlling, you'll make things worse.

All you can do is talk to her, calmly, express how you feel and what you would like, then back off.

In the end, it's her choice, regardless of what you want or like to happen.