lost?!?!?!?!

[whatusedtobe]

Hey everyone, never really been on one of these forums so forgive me if i sound like an idiot...

my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 3years and living together for about 2years(with his dad).... we have never really had one of those lovey dovey relationships.. it started off in a negative way and now i just cant keep myself in denial that it will work...

july of 07 we moved to florida together before we left he thought he didnt want me to go he said it was because he didnt love me anymore and blah blah blah but then the night before he was supposed to leave he cried and begged me to go so i was like well of course because i love you... we just moved back to pensylvania june of 08... Three days after we got back here we found out that his dad has cancer... I love his dad and most of his family as if they were my own and so we have been taking care of him and dealing with alot of stress for our ages... at first we were dealing with it well and now it seems like we just cant get along at all....

now i feel horrible because im starting to realize that i dotn want to be with someone who hasnt had a job the whole time we have dated or someone that is very unemotional... Ive always saw myself marrying him and having a family with him and he was really against it, so everything is starting to add up and drive me crazy... the thing is i cant just leave him because 1 his dad is sick and i could never expect him to take care of him by himself.. 2 because he could never even take care of himself...3 becuase i would look like a horrible person... 4 i do love/care for him but its just not the same anymore......

so now that i am realizing it i only want to go to work everyday... i find a way to work so that i dont have to stress out about being at home... (obviously im crazy if work is my stress relief).... Everyone is always telling me that i need to learn how to take care of myself every once in a while but i just cant seem to do it..

so i guess im asking for any little bit of advice that i can get... thanks for whom ever just read all of my rambling...

[Gigabitch]

Well, the thing is, you CAN just leave him. Your four reasons up there could also be viewed as four excuses. Break up with him. Tonight. Move out and start your own life.

[whatusedtobe]

well i told him how i felt last night he kinda just looked at me like i was a horrible person and told me he loved me and i was just being crazy and overly emotional... he wouldnt even talk about it with me so i guess the answer came to me when his back turned on me while i was talking like he always did... i feel horrible because i care about him so much but i want to learn how to be there for myself for once in my life.... I am not good with change AT ALL but maybe this will be my chance to get over that......