Too Jealous? Or do i have the right to be

[Alan Guillermo]

I was in a relationship for 2 Years, i just broke it off, I have serious jealousy issues and trust issues with my girlfriend, she's never cheated on me or really given me a reason to doubt her, for the most part we've always been up front with each other, we don't hide our phones from each other, we basically know each others emails and facebook password, not because we demanded it from each other but we've just told each other in the past. Heck we even have the same PIN for our bank account

I've always told her i was a really jealous person and that i always had a problem with My previous Girlfriends having guy friends and texting them..

yes i know its a really bad problem because its only normal for men and women to communicate...

But just recently i decided to go on her facebook for the first time, ( she would always be on it in front of me and showing me all this stuff, i would try not to pay attention because i knew very little things would get me mad ) So i went on and looked through some of her older posts from a couple of months back and noticed that she still talks to some of her guy friends from school, i knew she had more guy friends than girl friends, i mean most girls do nowadays anyway..

But anyways i felt betrayed because she's always told me she doesn't even have guy friends anymore and she doesn't even talk to them.. When she really did, she went out once or twice with some of her old guy friends from high school, along with her sister and some of her sisters friends, but she only mentioned she went with her sister and her sisters friends, she never bothered to mention that she was also going with a few old guy friends, which really bothered me.. Why didn't she tell me? she probably knew i would get really mad and probably start ignoring her..

I just wish she could have been more upfront and honest with me, even though i do get mad. I do tend to have a anger problem sometimes unfortunately.

After what happened it's just hard to believe whats not a lie anymore, I mean i know she didn't lie with bad intentions, she says she was just trying to protect my feelings and she knew how i would react, i just feel like if you knew how i would react then why even go out with them if you know how i am??

I feel like shes been talking to guys this whole time and not mentioning it to me or at least not doing it while im there.

She begs me to check her stupid phone bills so she can prove to me that she doesn't even communicate with them anymore and that it all stopped several months ago and that im the only guy she needs now..

I just find it hard to believe, i feel like if you can hide little things you can hide a lot more things, thats why it kills me, i feel like theres so much more she hasn't told me, she admitted that she still talked to her old guy friends on the phone very rarely, before we got together she would always tell me her group of friends was just her and one other girl and 3 other guys, she would always tell me they would always have a 4-way phone call and they would just all talk, but now that shes not friends with that certain girl anymore, its just a 3 way phone call now with her and 2 of her old guy friends, they call her really late at night sometimes which bothers me, this all stopped over 3-4 months ago, but i just still cant help but feel betrayed

I also found a message on her facebook where a guy gave his number to her, and i asked if she ever texted him, i asked her dozens of times, i begged her to just tell me the truth, i told her i just wanted the truth and i didnt want another lie, i was literally going crazy.. and she swore she didn't , she even swore on her baby brothers life, so i thought for sure it was true, she said she never texted him so he shouldnt even have her number.......... she came over a few days later and i took her phone and texted that guy she swore she never texted when she wasnt looking, he replied saying hey whats up (Her name ), then and there i knew they have texted in the past, and she just lied to me.. that really hurt me a lot, i literally lost it and unfortunately started cursing at the top of my lungs to her i really felt like she deserved it at the moment, all she kept saying how sorry she was as she cried, she also mentioned this is why she never wanted to tell me, because she knew i would literally lose it and throw a tantrum.. It wouldnt have been a tantrum if she just was honest with me when i asked her! i just want the truth more than anything now it sucks being in doubt with the one you love

after all this she deleted all of her contacts from her phone that are guys, and canceled her facebook account, i did not tell her to do any of this, she said she did it to PROVE she really doesnt need to be talking to any other guys besides me, and that all contact with her guy friends stopped a long time ago which is why i had to look several months back on her facebook to actually find something..

any word of advice? should i just leave her and move on? or am i overeacting over nothing.. I feel like i might need professional help, and my psychotic/jealous and angry behavior might be making her hide small things from me because she might be scared ill over react over something so small and just leave her... Shes seen me go crazy mad before and just throw some of my belongings around my room, i've never layed a hand on her though..

We love each other very much, but it just might not be true love

[Bonfire]

You definitely overreacted. I'm more surprised she put up with your jealousy and anger issue for that long. You are going to continue to have relationship problems if you don't get these issues in check. Your gf lied about who she went out with because she knows how you will react not because she has anything really to hide. If you keep going down this path of blowing up something out of nothing, you will eventually lose her. Definitely seek some help.

[Davros]

Dude, you sound ExACTLY the same as my ex from years ago. I'm not saying this in a snide way you really really do. My ex used to constantly check up on me and if i ever spoke to my boy mates (or a boy even looked at me for that matter) he'd flip out and fall out with me for days. I felt guilty just receiving a text off a boy from school incase he'd see and I pikes them all away and he made my life a misery. Look, she is talking to guys it's NORMAL she feels like she HAS to lie to you because you'd be mad at her!! How can she keep her friends when she feels guilty? Don't say you 'wouldn't mad if shed told you cause that's b*******. You're using that as an excuse - you say you stay away from her Facebook cause the smallest thing would get to you... This is one.
She's being so open with you. I don't have my boyfriends Facebook password, nor anything else. But I don't want it! I don't know how more demanding of her you can be but if you're flagging her up on stupid crap likethis she probably feels immensely suffocated onto of what she already feels!

You need to talk to a councillor. I don't mean this in a nasty way. It will make YOU feel better.. I can't imagine it's nice feeling on edge all the time because you can't trust your girlfriend... Imagine when she goes out drinking.. Or she's around guys at work you have to be able to trust her or you're going to go mental. But I can't tell you how.. Someone else will. On top of that think about how you're making her feel. I guarantee shel apprieciate it so much more if you back off breathing down her neck, she'll love you more if you start to trust her.

Sorry mate, I know it sucks it's just how your mind works huh? But I swear you will stay like this forever if you don't change and you're probably going to end up losing every girlfriend to it.

[paulie]

Tell her to Shape up or Ship out

[sarahprincess]

Short and Sweet response: I like how you just accept you are the jealous type. People can only put up with the crap you pulled for so long. Your insecurities will never help your relationship, only hinder.

[MaidenMinx]

Jealousy and insecurity can be dangerous things and is something you need to work on. If you don't work on it you will drive this gf away and any future ones.

I was just like you. I hated the thought of my man talking to any females and actually made him stop being friends with one female friend who I was (and still am) convinced was trying to steal him from me. It drove us both mad. It caused me to not trust him and for him to lie about what he was doing. I sought help. I still don't like hearing him mention women he works with or knowing that he's encouraged to perve on female customers at his evening job, but I choose not to let the negative thoughts take hold and remind myself how much he loves me.

Seek help. Good luck.

[elves235]

Gonna agree with bonfire and davros . U r overreacting. Just try to stay calm. When U feel angry when talking to her about this, say it in your mind " i'm angry and overreacting" . It might help
Good luck.
P/s: I am a very jealous guy too. It's one of the reason why my gf broke up with me and now I regret it. Don't be like me ok

[ConniptionFit]

Move on? Yes in the sense you need to keep this one done with. No, in the sense that you should move on to another relationship.

You need to not be in any relationship for several years until you have matured and developed more self-esteem.

[girl68]

If you don't fix you anger, jealous and insecurities you will never have a successful relationship.

[Wakeup]

OP: Get yourself some professional counceling to get over your fear of abandonment and jealousy issues. They really are a problem if they are costing you relationships over NOTHING. She lied to you about going out with her friends because she didn't want to hear your bullshit, whine and anger issues.

I for one am hoping you break up with her for good She can do better than a paranoid, dilusional, jealous control freak with anger isues. Geezzzus man Fix yourself before you inflict your issues onto some other poor unsuspecting woman when this one eventually gets the self worth to NEXT your sorry ass.

Don't even think about another thing until you've gotten the proper professional help to show you that you don't have to make things up because you fear they'll leave you so you self sabotage and leave them first.

[devonbrown]

I feel like i might need professional help, and my psychotic/jealous and angry behavior might be making her hide small things from me because she might be scared ill over react over something so small and just leave her... Shes seen me go crazy mad before and just throw some of my belongings around my room, i've never layed a hand on her though..

You think you MIGHT need professional help? Your entire post sounded like a cry for help. You need to take care of your issues, figure out why you are so jealous and insecure, and resolve those. Get help for it. And get help for your anger issues. You need to be okay with yourself before you are okay with anyone else.

To be honest, I am surprised your girlfriend didn't end it with you long before. You are the one with the problem here. Please understand that and do something about it. Don't just pay it lip service.