I'll try to keep this brief, I'm 22 and my gf of 4 months (18) broke up with me 3 weeks ago because she said she wasn't ready for a relationship and that she didn't want to spend the rest of her life with just one guy and wanted to "have fun". She also said she felt pressure from me because she didn't want to let me down or didn't want me to hate her if she left me, leading me to believe she stuck around even after she had lost feelings for me until she couldn't take it anymore. In the past she always told me she really loved me, and I was the best guy she'd been with (she's been in a lot of messed up relationships) and that she wanted me forever and I was the "one" and she had dreams about me and blah blah blah ... Anyway, later that night, when I wanted to get closure, she changed her excuses and said she didn't want to lose contact with me but now she just needed time to think about things. I didn't get angry and simply said that I'll give her all the space and time she needed, but I wasn't going to see her talk and hang out with other guys because it was too much for me. So I went on absolute NC. No phone, no facebook, no physical contact. Nothing.
She has had a LOT of problems on her hands right now, so her saying that she needs "time" makes sense. But if that were true, why would she tell me all of those other things? Yes, I know she's young and I know it's only been 4 months, but I went the extra mile for her and I really cherished every moment we had. At this point, I don't know if she meant everything she told me. I find it impossible to believe but It seems to me like she had already moved on way before the break up ever took place and she didn't really care whether we stay friends or not. But we were friends before dating, so I feel like by just walking away from all of our experiences, I'll be losing a potentially good friend ... Yet, at the same time, I feel like if I remain friends with her, I'll end up losing my dignity because I decided to be friends with someone who doesn't really care about me in any way anymore. I feel like I should hate her for what she did, but I can't bring myself to think of her as the type of person that would just not care, because she wasn't like that. I really don't know what to think of her anymore and I'm having a hard time letting go because I feel I have to, but I don't want to.
I'm just wondering if anyone can give me some advice on what to do regarding this situation. I thought I got my closure that day but I still feel like I'm in the "gray zone" because she wanted "time", I agreed even though I was angry and saw it coming, and now It's like waiting for a miracle to happen. It's literally killing me.
I feel like the longer I wait, the more she's going to think I hate her and she won't even want to look at me.
I feel like she is happy now that she got rid of me, despite everything we did for each other.
I feel like I'm wasting my time worrying and caring for someone who stopped caring for me.
I feel like deep down, she's does care and was telling me the truth. It's all very confusing and I'm really close to losing my mind.
If anyone can help me or if you need more details or need me to clarify things, please let me know. Thank you.