Need Advice about my Husband

[Prescious]

Hi guysI need your honest advice and opinion regarding my husband I put this relationship in a small nutshell as possible so please read and give me your advice thanks

I am a 43 year old black woman who married a 27 year old indian guy online he lives in india.

so about 3 years ago met my husband online, while with me he married another woman then confessed to it 11 months later crying. He said he was forced into the marriage according to his indian hindu culture.

Anyway last year he was in drug rehab for about 10 months and I couldnt talk to him for those 10 months. They say they don't allow I don't know why. So I thought he was not in rehab but probably with his ex-wife. This is only what I thought no proof of this but just explaining why i got lonely and started the online fling. And so I got lonely and started to talk to someone else online. online fling only but we exchanged naughty pictures online.

*so now he's in rehab again and he found out about 2 months ago that I had the online fling and so he got so hurt and angry and I begged him for forgiveness and assured him that it was online only and that the online fling ended in 3 weeks

Anyway now I'm trying to contact him in drug rehab and his sister and nobody is answering my calls or calling me back. Now I think they are giving me the run around I can't get in touch with him I don't know if he's avoiding me or what plus he's 27 and i'm black and 43 what do you think I should do? He wanted me to apply for him to come to America but I didn't apply yet because of all our problems and now his family has been telling him why your wife don't apply for you? She must have another man there in america with her that's why she don't apply.

Anyway bottom line is I can't reach my husband and nobody is calling me back. What should I do? We are officially married in the Indian church and court system there. What should I do? Please help i do love him and tried so hard to ask for forgiveness and to reach out but anyway Ive been the one spending my money on him. He has done nothing for me money wise but I don't care about money I love him but in anycase I do want you guys honest opinion as to what I should do please help thanks

[Starnique]

I remember you posted here a while ago about issues you were having with him. I always assumed you were younger, in your early twenties. I can't imagine a woman your age, seasoned with experience like yourself going thru this. It comes off as nothing short of desperate. Sorry darling.

Divorce and move on with your life already. I know it's easier said then done but its been messy from the get go. Hope you learned something. Now move on.

[Starnique]

Indian courthouse? What? Whatever, forget about this whole thing. Leave that bullshit right in India. Total joke.

[somehelp4me]

Something sounds very fishy. I wouldn't trust your husband and contact someone else, a liaison to aid you instead.

[random20]

I remember you posted here a while ago about issues you were having with him. I always assumed you were younger, in your early twenties. I can't imagine a woman your age, seasoned with experience like yourself going thru this. It comes off as nothing short of desperate. Sorry darling.

Divorce and move on with your life already. I know it's easier said then done but its been messy from the get go. Hope you learned something. Now move on.

I agree with this poster.... DITTO

[bluesummer]

Wait.....just checking if I read this right....did you marry him in person or over the internet??? I'm pretty sure that's not legit. If you tried to apply for him to come to the US I don't think your marriage would be considered legal, and he would never get here anyway. When I married MY Indian (ex) husband IN PERSON I still had to go through a ton of paperwork telling how we met and documenting our wedding and how long we'd cohabitated to prove that the marriage was legit and he wasn't just using or paying me to get legal status. He was already living and working here. So.....I just don't see this happening for you. Why don't you test his love and go to India and see if he'll marry you for real in his OWN country?? I will bet you he won't be down for that.

[Prescious]

Wait.....just checking if I read this right....did you marry him in person or over the internet??? I'm pretty sure that's not legit. If you tried to apply for him to come to the US I don't think your marriage would be considered legal, and he would never get here anyway. When I married MY Indian (ex) husband IN PERSON I still had to go through a ton of paperwork telling how we met and documenting our wedding and how long we'd cohabitated to prove that the marriage was legit and he wasn't just using or paying me to get legal status. He was already living and working here. So.....I just don't see this happening for you. Why don't you test his love and go to India and see if he'll marry you for real in his OWN country?? I will bet you he won't be down for that.

WOW didn't you read my post above where I said we got married in the Indian church IN INDIA and certifide stamped sealed and approved in the Indian court house IN CHANDIGARH INDIA? If you didn't read then maybe you should. The only thing I said about the internet was that I met him on the internet 3 years ago but we just recently got married this year

[Prescious]

Something sounds very fishy. I wouldn't trust your husband and contact someone else, a liaison to aid you instead.

I'm worried too NOBODY is answering or returning my calls. I don't know if they're avoiding me or plotting. What do you think and what should I do?

[DalM0m]

Fly to India. If this man is your husband & you think he's in trouble, why are you on the computer instead of a plane?

[Rowen]

Something sounds very fishy. I wouldn't trust your husband and contact someone else, a liaison to aid you instead.

I agree with this poster...

I'm all for relationships that reach out past difficulties for the purposes of finding a love that lasts a lifetime, but this seems a bit too complicated and fishy to me...

For example, why are you the only one providing? I know that you don't care about money, and I agree whole-heartedly with that. But, at the same time, a relationship is meant to be equal- where both are never to take without giving at least as much as they receive and never take the other for granted. To me, it sounds a bit like he's taking you for granted, considering all you do for him. I'm sorry if this is tough to take, but look at the facts; you support him and throughout this whole time, he could never bother to use any of that money to come see you. Why?

Not to mention, he uses drugs. This is his second time in rehab. I can completely understand that drugs are hard to kick once you're addicted, as a next door neighbor of mine lost a son to them, but how do you know that the money you give him isn't supporting his habit? In addition, you've never met in person... How do you know if your marriage is even legal or that he's being faithful?

Don't get me wrong; online relationships can work, but it's rare. And on top of that, if you've never met in person, it can lead to massive disappointment when you finally are together.

Bottom Line: Having him come to America is the worst idea ever for you, in my opinion. I would move on and let it go. I know it's hard to handle, especially with the feelings you carry, but it sounds like he's using you, as it's all too coincidental that he's pushing to come to America right now instead of earlier when things were a little bit more stable...

Good luck, though, with everything.

[somehelp4me]

I'm worried too NOBODY is answering or returning my calls. I don't know if they're avoiding me or plotting. What do you think and what should I do?

Your flag says you are in the USA so I would contact the Embassy for India and like I said work with a liaison who can work on your behalf to sort this out, because if you are legally married to this man you have rights, and way things are going with this marriage I would work quickly to annul it.
Could contact your areas congressman, or woman too and they can work through the Embassy for you.

http://www.immihelp.com/directory/indianconsulatesusa.html

Google links for where you live.

[HeartIsAching]

Married him online in India? You're in the U.S.? Then he married someone else?

Either you're mentally challenged, or a really poor troll. You pick.

[bluesummer]

WOW didn't you read my post above where I said we got married in the Indian church IN INDIA and certifide stamped sealed and approved in the Indian court house IN CHANDIGARH INDIA? If you didn't read then maybe you should. The only thing I said about the internet was that I met him on the internet 3 years ago but we just recently got married this year

Um, no. Please point out the part where you said you got married IN INDIA. All you said is that "We are officially married in the Indian church and court system there." Which means you could've just got some under-the-table paperwork done. Which is totally something I could see happening there.

Anyways, I don't know why you're putting up with this drah-ma. He married someone else, regardless of whether it's the truth or it was forced or not, either HE doesn't see your marriage as legitimate or his family doesn't. Or maybe all of them. Who knows. This is sketchy and you need to get out. For god sake, don't bring him to the US. He'll probably just run off on you as soon as he has his citizenship and leave you in the lurch. If you think that's not a possibility, you need to wake up. Indians marry overseas Indians and that come over and divorce them later when they have citizenship.....seriously, happens more than you think.

[michelle23]

Omg. What are you doing wasting your life on him for? Jeez he married another woman and your still there? Go and get help for your co-dependency issues and divorce this asshole. Rehab for 9months? His new young wife had a new baby Nd your husband is a narcissist. I thought women your age had more sense and im amazed that this forum can still shock me.

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[Prescious]

Wait.....just checking if I read this right....did you marry him in person or over the internet??? I'm pretty sure that's not legit. If you tried to apply for him to come to the US I don't think your marriage would be considered legal, and he would never get here anyway. When I married MY Indian (ex) husband IN PERSON I still had to go through a ton of paperwork telling how we met and documenting our wedding and how long we'd cohabitated to prove that the marriage was legit and he wasn't just using or paying me to get legal status. He was already living and working here. So.....I just don't see this happening for you. Why don't you test his love and go to India and see if he'll marry you for real in his OWN country?? I will bet you he won't be down for that.

Wow what is wrong with everybody, where in my original question did I say I got married on the internet? More than that who does that? But show me where you heard me say that I got married on the internet? In the last paragraph of my topic question, I said WE OFFICIALLY MARRIED IN THE INDIAN CHURCH AND THE COURT SYSTEM THERE" What did you think that meant? married there? What did you think married there meant? I said officially married there. What did you think officially married there meant?