What makes guys think a woman is easy

[cairenn13]

I'm confused.

How do guys decide if a girl is one-night stand material or girlfriend material?

I am in no way what you would consider a slut or easy or anything of the sort. Far from it in fact. I've been raised the old fashioned way, to believe that intimacy or anything sexual should occur between two people who care about each other.

I'm rather a modest person at times, and the only time I flirt is when I meet someone I like and want to have a relationship with.

So why is it that every guy who meets me seems to think that I'm the kind of girl they can just 'pump and dump'.

Is there something guys see in a girl that makes them think she'll be an easy conquest, or do they just try it with anyone and hope for the best?

It used to not bother me because I'd just tell them to get lost, but now it's happened so many times I'm wondering if there's something I'm projecting that's getting misread by all the guys out there. I'm tired of guys trying to use me all the time.

Any thoughts?

[Gigabitch]

It's about self-respect, for the most part. Get in touch with your inner bitch and let it show sometimes. It's astounding how men respond to someone who thinks she just might be too good for them. They fall all over themselves to prove themselves to her.

I suspect you're too accommodating, and I don't mean sexually. You might come off as a pushover.

[bluesummer]

I was about to say, if you appear to be a pushover or insecure, but Giga beat me to it.

They know they can feed off the insecurities of women, and therefore an insecure women is easy prey and easier to sleep with. No offense to the obese girls out there, but it's kind of a well-known fact that they are the easiest to pick up. Oftentimes, they read like a book: insecure and desperate for attention. These guys you are flirting with are likely reading your mix of 'modesty' and flirting as a cry for attention.

[cairenn13]

I think you may be right. I do have a lot of insecurities, particularly when it comes to relationships, be it friends or lovers. I admit I have a never-ending need to please everyone, and I hate conflict.

If I don't like a guy there's no way he's ever going to get into a position where he can even try to have sex with me. But if I really like a guy I find it hard to say no to him because I'm afraid I'll disappoint him or make him angry which might interfere in my attempt to build a relationship with him. That's the hardest part, because once he gets what he wants he takes off. I'm left hurting when I find out he didn't share my desire to build a relationship.

At least I can say the number of guys I've been attracted to who have wanted to take things that far with me have been few and far between, so it's not like I'm sleeping around with heaps of guys just to please them all.

[doppelgaenger]

It's all about the appearance. The easy women tend to dress provocatively and carry themselves in a whorish way. It's about as obvious as those paintings of Jesus with the golden aura around his head. There is like an aura of sluttiness around an easy one.

If you don't want to come off as a bimbo, dress like a librarian and act like a grandma. That'll scare the guys away who just want some poontang.

[steelsword]

How are you flirting with these men you want to potentially have a relationship with? That could impact whether or not your viewed as a LTR or a FWB. Personally, I'm with you, I only flirt with women I'm interested in a relationship with, so I feel for ya. Fortunately (or not depending on your perspective), I don't have the problem of women wanting to just "bed me." How do you meet men? Where do you go to meet them? This will have a lot to do with it too. I don't go to bars personally, because I'm not into that, but I've heard that most men go to bars specifically for the purpose of getting laid. If you're going to bars and flirting with men there, then that is one of your main problems. Men who are looking for more than that are not going to be at bars most likely.

[cairenn13]

Thanks for all your input. Some things do make sense like the insecurities and appearing as a pushover, but I don't think the way I dress has anything to do with it. I do prefer wearing fitted clothing, but it's the tailored type, not the excessively tight, leave nothing to the imagination type, and certainly not anything provocative. I am very very slim, and apparently have a nice figure, so I've been told. But I always feel uncomfortable wearing anything too revealing.

Also, I hate meeting guys at bars because I know all the guys there are just after one thing. I'd rather get to know a guy when he's sober, anyways. And I don't really like the bar scene.

I generally meet guys through friends or sometimes through work.

[Mish]

But if I really like a guy I find it hard to say no to him because I'm afraid I'll disappoint him or make him angry which might interfere in my attempt to build a relationship with him.

Sounds more like a need for validation from him. If a good looking guy you like can validate you then you can feel good about yourself and your abilities as a person. Their validation of you has direct effect on your self perception. This translates to poor relationship material.

There is one extremely good looking and intelligent girl I know. But her constant need for validation from others meant that I will never try to pursue anything with her. Most of the time I ignore her. That's her punishment for seeking constant validation, she gets none from me.

[Lite]

You know, I've had one night stands and I've had relationships in which I slept with someone the first night I met them because we just clicked chemically so well.

It's really all in what the person has to offer me intellectually, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually. If they're not all compatible, then it's going to be a one night stand or a short platonic relationship.

[misombra]

i think men can just sense it sometimes. one time i went to this bar with my friend who is a complete whore when she drinks and she drinks just about constantly. we would walk in and they would just automatically start talking to her. it's like they knew innately that she would give it up. i'm still a bit baffled by it.

[Aeradalia]

i think men can just sense it sometimes. one time i went to this bar with my friend who is a complete whore when she drinks and she drinks just about constantly. we would walk in and they would just automatically start talking to her. it's like they knew innately that she would give it up. i'm still a bit baffled by it.

Nothing baffling about it at all... when she downed 3 shots in less than 30 seconds.. they had a 'pretty good idea.'

[misombra]

no we had just walked in. i swear they took one look at her and knew.

[Aeradalia]

no we had just walked in. i swear they took one look at her and knew.

On a more serious note... it's hard to explain.. but easy women have an air of desperation about them... they're fundamentally weak which means all you have to do is cater to their insecurities and voila, they're in the sack in no time.

Your friend probably gave out signals via the way she walked, moved, her hesitations, her forced gestures, the way she nervously looked about, her feigned show of confidence... etc. She was throwing signals loud and clear... no doubt about it.

Basically... she wasn't acting 'natural.' Something was amiss -- she was hiding her insecurities... whether behind nervousness or overcompensation through show of confidence.

[Lite]

no we had just walked in. i swear they took one look at her and knew.

Was she walking bow-legged perhaps?

[misombra]

maybe i'm just amazed at the ability of men to sense that.

one time i was on a ski lift with three guys and we passed this tree with all kinds of beads thrown all over it. for a few seconds after they were making comments about panties on a tree and coming up with stories about how they could've gotten there. i was sitting closest to the passing tree and i did not see them at all.

guys are so keen on that shit.