Love Triangle

[inconnu]

Ookie. Hi all.

This is going to be long. I need to do some venting. If any of you can give me some advice, i'd be very gratefull.

Here's the situation:

I was friends with both members of a couple. They've been together for like 8 years now (she started dating him when she was like 14). The guy in that couple(let's call him Bob) had been my friend for a longer time than her but we had drifted appart a little bit at the end. Mainly because he was thinking about settling down, house, wanted kids...etc and was happier staying at home watching t.v than actually doing something. On the other hand i was starting to spend more and more time with the girl (let's call her Bobette). Over time we got closer and closer but what i failed to realize at first was that she was starting to like me in that "non friendly way".

During the following weeks she started opening up to me..telling me she and bob were having problems for over a year now..etc.. we got affectionate, she fell in love with me, i fell in love with her and then the shit hit the fan.

We started seeing each other while she was still with Bob. I felt like total crap cause Bob was also my friend by i was too weak to fight those feelings...and i went along, waiting for her to make her decision..then Bob found out. He flipped out, she got scarred, he gave her a chance and she took it. Altought she ever really told him the entire story...In his raging mind, i had taken advantage of her and i was to blame blabla..(i personally think he chose himself not to know the entire truth cause his story doesn't make any sense at all...and i still can't believe that he thinks we never slept together). She was never to talk to me again. That was the rule.

Summer goes by. I start to move on. It does hurt like hell tho. In one shot i lost 2 friends and a lover. What sucks even more his that i can't feel sorry for myself cause i made those choices. I felt like i almost deserved it.

At the end of summer, she calls me. We start to talk on the phone here and there..since we never really wanted to be cut off, we never wrote off our friendship. Then again she tells me she's now really thinking about leaving Bob. She doesn't love him anymore. She's only there cause complicated to leave because of the car, the appartment,.. but she loves me.

At first i'm really carefull not to fall into this again but after a few week, i'm strait back in. ..and has time goes by my affection groes and groes and groes but she's still with him. She's now still undecided. Still same reason she's with him (it's complicated). I insanely love that girl...and i know she loves me too..but how long can i keep this up. Now it's december so i've gotta be reasonable..she's not going to leave him in December. The hollidays are coming etc.. no way in hell she's going to leave him..and i can understand that... but jeezus. I can't help feeling like a big fkn looser. I love her deeply but it hurts so much to only beeing able to see her here and there when she can...

Any advice? Am i a moron for staying? How long is too long?

Thanks.

[Fishy]

You know you have some pretty black and white options, and you know you have to deal with them. What has happened in the past is already done, so you must choose to pursue your feelings or move on.

[Err]

This may sound weird, but have you actually given much thought as to _why_ she's not satisfied with Bob? I mean, lets look at the best case scenario. Holidays comes and goes and it's maybe febuary or so and things are right back to normal for Bobette. She finally gets her act together and finds the courage to leave Bob. So now she's moving in with you? Is that something you're ready for? Do you know you two could even live together. Was your relationship built perhaps on the concept of 'forbidden' love ("I know we shouldn't be doing this, but I love you"), making it more exciting but somewhat artificial?

Worst case she wrings you along for the next year or, no, worst case Bob asks her to marry her this x-mas and she gives in. What the heck would you do then? You need to identify what made their relationship not work (after all, you were friends with Bob without problems I assume, so why would she have problems..) and find out whether your love for her is true or not. In the end though, this situation is not fair to anyone. Bob is being led on, Bobette is unhappy in her relationship and possibly wanting out, and you, well, you're strung along for the unhappy ride.

At some point you're going to need to give her the support she needs to leave. In the end, her leaving Bob is the healthiest situation for everyone (you, bob, and her). After/if this happens though, make sure you're ready for what you may think you want, though.

[karot]

Your not a moron ill tell you that. We are guys so we see a chick and we go out and fight for her. Ive recently come to the conclusion that love is a ****ed up emotion but dont take from my example. I agree with the forbidden love, you dont really know for sure if this bobette is serious or not, and wont know until she steps up. I tell you what though, no girl is worth the wait, no matter how much you think, no girl is worth waiting for. It sounds harsh but its true. If you want this girl lay down the line and say you want a decision thats it. I spent too much time waiting a whole yr for a girl only to be with her for 2 months, kinda the same situation but lets say a younger version. There is no point getting your heart in a knot over this, if its not happening just move on. She sounds like she can just rely on you being there, that is what makes you a great friend but yet at the same time when it comes to love and dating its horrible. Maybe your angry at her but you cant just see it yet?