Suppose to see the Ex tonight

[TAVS]

So I'm suppose to see the Ex tonight. I'm not exactly thrilled. I think the reason for this is just the stress involved. I still love this girl and want to be with her, but the fact that she's moving in two weeks just makes things strange. It's just so uncomfortable and there's not a lot to talk about. We can't talk about the past, cause she'll think I'm trying to make her feel guilty. We cant talk about the future, cause we have no future. Small talk is limited cause we know eachother so well. We're suppose to go play put-put and probably visit for like 4 hours in total. I think I really do want to see her, the circumstances just take everything out of me. I just have to get use to it cause I'll probably see her a fair amount over the next two weeks, especially when shes moving the rest of her stuff out of our house.

[shh!]

Poor TAVS, why are you rubbing salt into your wound? So sad...

[TAVS]

I dont know. All I know is I love her and in two weeks she'll be gone. I dont know when I'll get to see her again.

[Lloyd95]

Good bye sex?

[TAVS]

Yea I wish. Well, I do and I dont. As I've said previously, she's turns ice-cold as a defense mechanism. I know there's still feelings there but she hides them very well.

[dprelz]

Dude I don't know the **** you deal with it.... Do you miss her now as much as you did when she first left?

[TAVS]

I miss her a lot, but I've been doing a good job of keeping her out of my head. I've even started compiling old letters, photos etc, that I want to put into a binder or something for keepsake purposes. I haven't had any 'heartache' feelings for a few days now, with the exception of a sad song I made myself listen to last night, and when I read shh!'s post above. I'm really just torn now as I want to be around her while I still can, while at the same time I find that difficult. Aside from wanting to see her a few more times before she leaves, I want to be upbeat around her like I use to be. Truth me told, I want to give her a reason to miss me when she leaves rather than picturing me the way I've been the past 4-months.

I worry sometimes that I'm keeping feelings hidden from myself that would be better that I released. Can I really be as okay as I think I am with all this? Admittedly, the certainty of it all helps relative to the uncertainty I've faced through the summer.

[Tone]

Good luck, TAVS ):

Hopefully you can get some answers... but don't get your hopes up. Remember what Asip told me, if you go into situations with no expectations - you have nothing to lose.

You and Jeblina should go on a double date with bluesummer and I. I think we'd all feel much better then =/

[TAVS]

That sounds like a plan Tone. Let's see, I'm in CO, your in NE....That's a good start.....Jevlina is in FL and Blue is where? hehe.

Actually, I'm not looking for answers. A big part of my coping as of late is that I don't need any more answers. I got most of them last Saturday. I can disagree all I want with some of them, but at least I know where she's coming from. At this point, I've promised to let it go with the exception of a closing speach just before she leaves. Obviously, if she brings it up even in the slightest, I'll get me .02 back in. If your interested in an overview, just ask. I'm kinda busy today but I could post tomorrow.

[Tone]

Yeah do it, keep us updated.

[gHEXjt]

So I'm suppose to see the Ex tonight. I'm not exactly thrilled. I think the reason for this is just the stress involved. I still love this girl and want to be with her, but the fact that she's moving in two weeks just makes things strange. It's just so uncomfortable and there's not a lot to talk about. We can't talk about the past, cause she'll think I'm trying to make her feel guilty. We cant talk about the future, cause we have no future. Small talk is limited cause we know eachother so well. We're suppose to go play put-put and probably visit for like 4 hours in total. I think I really do want to see her, the circumstances just take everything out of me. I just have to get use to it cause I'll probably see her a fair amount over the next two weeks, especially when shes moving the rest of her stuff out of our house.

I know exactly how you feel about seeing her. After a month and a half of not speaking to me over the summer my ex was finally willing to talk to me and wanted to see me and go out before she left for school. I was excited and really felt like I wanted to see her, but when the time came, the whole thing was awkward and weird.

I didn't know what to talk to her about, and didn't want to bring anything up about how hard she ****ed me over. Even things like when I went to her house to pick her up, I usually would have been all over her the whole time, kissing her, hugging her, whatever, I had to keep my distance, and I didn't want to. I thought seeing her would somehow make me feel better, but it just made me feel worse. And seeing her and not being able to do things that I did everyday for almost 4 years really bugged me for a while after I saw her. I thought seeing her would help me get through this, but it was actually a tremendous setback. I spent the next two weeks after that in an unreal funk. Good luck to you man, and unless her feelings have miraculously changed, try to see her as little as possible over the next two weeks.

[TAVS]

Okay. So here's an update from last night. Tone, I'll get to your question a bit later.

So everything went well. We spent about 3 hours together. We went to dinner at a mexican restaurant. The food was pretty good but the atmosphere was even better. Conversation went smoothly so that was great. I was reminded of what a well-rounded girl I had....not in a heartache way, just something I thouht about while listening to her talk. Anyway, so that was good. Then we went and did indoor glow-in-the-dark put-put. That was fun and we had a good time. One funny note, her hand was glowing in the neon light. She went and washed her hands but yet there was something that wouldn't come off and kept glowing. It was pretty funny. Anyway, so things went well. Oh yea, I gave her a birthday present....something she liked at a city fair a couple months ago. She liked it and we got a good laugh cause the guy had wrapped it in like 25 sheets of paper.

When I left for the evening, I was in good spirits. Obviously I don't expect her to stay. What's important is that I didn't feel heartbroken and she got to hang out with the real me, not the desperate guy I've been the past four months. That's the image I want to leave her with.

[shh!]

I'm glad it was a positive experience for you, TAVS. Is put-put the same thing as miniature golf?

[TAVS]

Yes it is ma'am.