How to approach a girl...at her work?

[Fayne]

So there's this girl at works at a borders book store..she's really cute. So after i found my book, i proceeded to the cashier where she was at so she can ring up my book. We had a quick chat, maybe like 3-5 minutes. After that i had to leave, i didn't want to keep the line. Since i am looking for a relationship, i'm wondering is there anyway to pursue her without making it awkward and work?

[Only-virgins]

If you made me wait 3-5 minutes in line so you can flirt I would punch you in the face.

[Fayne]

haha in my defense there wasn't anyone there at the time in line, and the other cashier was also open.

[Only-virgins]

haha in my defense there wasn't anyone there at the time in line, and the other cashier was also open.

Why not go back there and next time you approach her see if she remembers you. If so, let her know that she left an impression on you. Was there any signs that she looked interested?

[vashti]

Become a regular customer. Have several nice (and flirty) conversations with her before you ask her out. She is probably being hit on all day long, and you are going to have to get her to like you before she goes out with you.

[Tedel]

An old yet effective secret for you: Make her laugh and she'll be more willing to date you.

[Fayne]

hm true. thx for the input guys...though i can't see how one becomes a regular at a bookstore. i can only read so fast! Hmm, what would be some good ice breakers...asking how she likes her job seems a bit obvious..

[vashti]

Are you a student? I don't know how it is where you live, but here in California, lots of students study at Barnes and Noble. You can sit in the cafe the whole day long if you keep buying coffee.

[Fayne]

taking a break from school at the moment, working to fill in the time. This stuff is harder than it seems ain't it. As far as i can tell being genuinely nice doesn't work very well! =(

[GrkScorp]

Become a regular customer. She is probably being hit on all day long, and you are going to have to get her to like you before she goes out with you.

Yes, if she's cute, you're not the only guy who's waited on line for her.. who's asked her.. "So, what's your name? How old are you? Where do you go to school? You're very pretty, what time do you get off work?".. and chances are, this isn't her first job that she's had to cope with guys like this.. by now.. she has a general framework that she uses to get guys like that to quit and leave her alone.. (sure, it's flattering, and she'll feel great about herself.. but it's not going to get you anywhere with her)

By now, she also has developed a keen sense of what these guys look like, what they do, what they say, how they act, etc.. It's a gut feeling, an intuition.. and when it gets triggered.. red flags go off.. she starts thinking.. "LOL.. this guy is hitting on me".. then, the more these guys talk.. the more flattered she gets.. "Wow, dang, I guess i'm really cute".. until they start getting pushy and needy and make her feel uncomfortable.. and at that point, (because she's not interested), she'll have to work with her general framework to get rid of these guys..

It can be obvious and direct: (I have to leave right now, but Brenda will help you at that other register there).. or indirect: (Well, take care now!)

She's in a difficult situation, she's working there, and HAS to be nice.. she can't be mean.. (you can use this to your advantage, but you shouldn't make the mistake of letting it mislead you).. but at the same time, if you come in the wrong way.. and make her feel uncomfortable, and send out signs of interest in her while she's not interested in you.. she'll also want to get you to leave her alone.. and it's a very interesting conflict to watch..

There's a whole category to group this type of dynamic under.. "looks-for-hire".. She's "hired" to be there, because of her "looks".. book-store girls, coffee-shop girls, waitresses, hostesses, bartenders, models, etc.. But book-stores are a great place to start.. I first started with coffee-shop girls.. book-stores are better, less of a hurry.. less angry people.. more relaxed and quiet environment..

Steps & Strategy: (Looks-for-hire have a totally different sequence!)

1. Open/Disqualify/PD: You're going to go up to her.. ask her to play a game.. and if you win, you want to know the name of the girl that works there (not her obviously).. (I recommend the 5-question game).. "She'll first think.. Oh this guy is hitting on me because he wants my attention and wants to show me this game.. but then the bet if you win is you want to know some OTHER girl's name! Oh, how shallow and vain of her to think that.. you just PD-ed her, and disqualified yourself.. you made her think.. wow, he's not interested in me, he's using me because he's interested in someone else.. and then.. BAM.. you DHV when you trick her and she loses the game.. it's fun and funny.." (What usually happens is that girls feel so comfortable that you're not hitting on them, that when they lose, they hit you playfully on the arm and start to laugh with no inhibition or reservations.. there's completely at ease, and that's the point)

2. DHV-your-@ss-off: Your mission is to be this fun, funny, interesting guy.. You already are.. but you have to let that show.. when you try hard to let that show to her directly (you in effect, DLV).. so instead.. you're going to become a regular customer who EVERYONE in that store thinks is a fun, funny, interesting guy (via games, tricks, quick conversations, stories, etc.. "don't be affraid to complement obsticles, especially around her").. her manager must think you're great.. the other girls and people who work there must think you're great.. when you DHV so much that everyone else in that place loves you and is happy to see you when you step into the store.. you can start to take your focus away from the other people.. and shift your focus to her..

3. PD/DHV/Disqualify/DHV/Qualify: So far, you've been this great guy that everyone loves, but that's been completely ignoring her, mostly.. you've teased her with your value.. like you've been pulling that toy over her face.. just beyond her reach (youtube "cat theory" and watch the cat very closely).. but more importantly.. what you've done is you've established a strong frame for yourself.. Now, when you walk inside that store, it takes on a different energy.. you are in control.. everyone loves you, you control the frame.. and so you open up with a subtle PD.. (whatever is fitting, make sure it's subtle and indirect; preferably a backhanded-compliment or a negative compliment.. let's say she's wearing "green".. "I don't know if anyone's ever told you, you must get this all the time but, green is, really not your color at all..").. Give her a hint of your attention and value that she's been dying for.. something.. anything.. then DQ, "life is too short to not talk to people around you.. Some people are interesting, other people end up becomming really great FRIENDS.. I think it's funny that some people complain that they don't have any FRIENDS but those same people feel reserved when talking to other people.. I hope you're not one of those people.. (Her: blah blah.. no.. blah blah).. good..".. DHV again with the Memory Trick (dig through my posts).. and then start to qualify her..

Note: (Take-aways).. use them liberally, like they're on sale.. when you feel that the conversation is on a high-note.. and at the same time, you're brain gets stuck with nothing really interesting to say.. (take-away via you have to go to the bathroom).. Never let the conversation end or go to a low-note.. never.. NEVER! When you sense resistance on her part, game-playing, or if you're under the impression that SHE's under the impression that she's in control of the frame of that you are more interested in her than she is in you.. (take-away via, oh say, do you have ____ here? where is that? i'll be right back)

Note: (re-frame).. from now on.. when you leave.. or when you have to go, make the subcommunication of your exit seem as if SHE is going to suffer from a loss of your value, and that you are sorry in advance.. be subtle.. "Hey, i'm sorry.. but I have to go.. yeah.. sorry but blah blah.. well.. bye.." The subcommunication of that is that it's her loss that you have to go.. You can even add a "don't worry, we'll probably talk again some other time.. bye".. The word (bye) is powerful in the attraction phase and during take-aways.. when you exit.. use the word (bye).. it invokes those emotions of fear of loss..

After you're done DHV-ing.. and you're starting to move onto HER.. re-post and we'll take it from there.. I'm sorry I can't stay, but i'm running late.. sorry.. but i'm sure we'll be hearing from you again.. bye..

Now, I really am running late.. but more on what to do to get a ###-#### or date, later..

[Only-virgins]

hm true. thx for the input guys...though i can't see how one becomes a regular at a bookstore. i can only read so fast! Hmm, what would be some good ice breakers...asking how she likes her job seems a bit obvious..

Do you know if she is single? Would hate for you to spend so much time in a bookstore and even money trying to get with a girl who is already with someone.