is it possible that she doesn't feel anything

[just-me]

My ex broke up with me about moth and a half ago after 5 years of great relationship. We never really had problems in our relationship but we had a big problem in life that made her start loosing feelings for me.
She said she felt things were going down for us about 6 months before our break up but we still had plans together, started business together, had good time and even planned to buy a condo together few weeks before break up.
She met this guy and apparently fell in love with him. She left me because she said she didn't wanna cheat on me and she said she doesn't think we will ever get back together. She still want's to be friends though and she thought I was childish when I went NC for about a month.
It seems like she really doesn't understand why I just can't get over it and why it hurts me so much. She said for her it's simply over and she sees me as a friend. She said that doing things with me the way we used to do when we were together (not sex) doesn't make her feel anything really, just brings good memories but without feeling that something is missing.
Is that really possible?
I mean when I go places we used to go together I can't feel nothing! It reminds me of better times and it hurts. I know she's not a person who would show her feelings but can it be all just gone?
When we met last time we cooked a dinner together and she behaved excited about it. We went to the gym and after that I offered her a joyride, just like we used to do before and she excitedly accepted. I told her that I don't really feel like at this moment but we can do it next time. She really seems to enjoy reliving those moments yet she said it doesn't mean anything to her. And just for the record, she really loved me at some point I can be absolutely sure in that. Are girls and guys really so different?
Any feedback?

[ammi00]

If girls and guys are different? Probably Though, I'd expect such feelings more from a woman... but it really depends.
If she said that she doesn't feel anything for you (except for the fact that she sees you as her friend) and you also know that she's in love with a new guy - I think she really means what she says. And yes, something like this is possible, even if at one point she loved you.
From my personal experience (note, personal - it doesn't mean it's the same for everybody), after I broke up with my first partner, I stopped feeling anything that was related to our relationship, the places we've been together and our experiences together.

[sparkle_jello]

I think it's safe to say she has moved on and does not have the feelings you have anymore. She may get sentimental at times, but it sounds like this wasn't a spontaneous for her, she could feel it coming.
I don't think it's good that you keep communication with her, as upset as you may be she deserves her chance to move on, and you deserve a chance to start over.
I have quickly gotten over a guy I was with for two years, I realized he just wasn't what I wanted.

[just-me]

Thanks for answers it all make sense. It doesn't make me feel better though because I think I'll have to be very reserved in my future relationships and never give all my love. That's not the way I wanna live my life but this pain is just not worth the risk.

Another question is why would she act like everything is normal if she was already thinking about breaking up with me? for six months we had plans for travel, we started business together, we were talking about buying a condo few weeks before break up and many other things I don't even remember anymore! I'm sure as hell I wouldn't be investing money into something with a person I'm going to break up with or even just considering break up.

I think I'm getting to the point of hating her, she screwed my life and now she behaves like I should just get over like it never meant anything! She wants to be friends so she can have me around when she needs me. I don't think someone can get over a person who she really loved just like that. She either lied to me all this time and her "love" was just lust or something else or she's lying now that she doesn't feel anything.
She fell in love with new guy after knowing him for 2 weeks! I don't know what to think it just doesn't make any sense and I don't think I deserved to be treated like that. She knows me better than anybody else and expecting me to just "get over it" is insulting! She behaves like she doesn't know how she shattered my world in one day! I understand that she has to think about herself and her feelings but if she was preparing for this why she was still giving me hope and making plans with me? Or maybe she really made her decision in those two weeks right before break up?

I don't even know what's the point of writing this, I guess I'm just venting. I just don't know how can I make it better next time and I don't want to live through this pain ever again! Also I don't want to become one of those guys who will just dump the girl when he starts falling in love and I'm afraid it could happen. I gave her everything. unconditioned love, trust, never made any demands, no jealousy or fights. Everybody was telling her how lucky she was to have a boyfriend like me and it took her five years to realize that I'm not the one!

[ammi00]

Don't start hating (her, on anyone else)... Why spending your time being preoccupied with bad feelings? Now you're mad and disappointed, and that's understandable. I'm pretty sure that, in time, you'll be able to move on. You shouldn't let this experience to fuel your insecurities and fears, especially when you'll get into a new relationship (which might be much better than this one).
Why did she act that way? I guess you can never really know. Maybe she was waiting for a proper moment to break up, maybe she was undecided or maybe she was expecting things to change (one way or another). Eventually, things have changed - she met a new guy, and considering she was already unsatisfied with her relationship, probably she was "fascinated" by this new alternative.
I have a lady friend, that in less than one week dumped her boyfriend of 3 years, got involved into another relationship for a couple of months, then dumped this guy too, and after 3-4 days she "fell in love" with a man, and they were already talking about moving in together and getting married. I don't want to judge others' feelings because I don't know what's in their head, I'm only trying to tell you that things like this might always happen
Back to your problem - in my opinion you should maintain a friendly relationship with her, but not an over-exaggerated one. I mean something like "Hey. Hey. How are you? Fine. Ok, bye" type of "friendly" relationship If she'll ever have a serious problem, and you'll feel like helping her, do it. But try not to be around her whenever she needs help and whenever she wants to take advantage of you. Plus that you should stop reliving all those happy moments that you had together, and stop asking her to do things like you once used to do.

[just-me]

I know I can't really hate her I'm just having emotional swings all the time.
I kind of feel like I should try to explain the real reason for our break up, maybe that gives you a better idea of what she's going through and why its so hard for me to let go. I'll try to make long story as short as possible.

We were exchange students in US when we met, different cultures and languages. We became close friends for about two months before we fell for each other. Soon we loved each other so much that we decided to try to find a way to stay in US together. Then the organization that brought us here messed up her paperwork and she couldn't extend her visa. She didn't wanna leave me and dropped out of status. Even though I had a visa for another year I dropped out too out of solidarity. So we royally screwed our lives for each other. We had no real plan what to do from there, we were just happy to be together and lived our lives the best we could. Then about a year ago it inevitably happen, our worst nightmare, Immigration agents came looking for me. My country is obviously on some sort of watch list because they usually don't bother people who don't make trouble. The worst thing is they arrested her as well just because she was there with me. They were very sympathetic to us and let us go the very next day, but from that moment she'd changed forever. She admitted many times that she blames me for her getting arrested and there was no way to reason with her. I told her it's very selfish to think that way because I could say that she messed me up because after all I overstayed my visa out of solidarity for her. She understood that her way of thinking was wrong but that's what she felt and there was nothing she could do about it. I thought it will eventually pass and we tried to continue normal life until our court date. I have a slight chance of getting asylum and we wanted to go through it together so we even got married.
We had some good times together after all this happened and I though she's getting over it but last 6 months she obviously started getting over me instead. She obviously holds so much anger towards me and blames me for all this.
And now she decided to get into this new world where nothing matters, it's all about having fun, going out and drinking. Easy way to escape from a very real problem, because her court date is less than a year away and she will most likely get deported.
Her close friend told me that recently she broke down and showed how angry she is because all this happened because of me. because I was born in messed up country they came after me, they don't go after other "normal" people. She just wouldn't take responsibility for her own actions and puts all the blame on me. She's got some serious emotional issues here and I was offering her to look for a professional help while we were together but she declined. Even her best friend told her many times that her way of thinking about it is wrong but she's not listening to anyone.

Well, that's the story. That's why it's so hard to let her go. Love and trust was never an issue. If circumstances were different we could've had a chance. She just cracked under too much pressure. It's not like she just stopped loving me because I was not the one.
Tell me what do you think.