Doubt for the Future

[Westlight]

Hello everyone, this is my first post on these boards, i hope i can find some help.
Right now the doubts i'm having in my relationship revolve around the sex-life my girlfriend and i have, or the lack of a sex-life as i like to view it. But before i dive too deep into the subject matter a little history lesson.
My girlfriend and i have been together for just over 5 years now and have been living together the past 2 years. When we first got together the first 6-8 months of our relationship was a mixture of romance and intimacy (snuggles and sex) but before our first aniversary things in the bedroom were slowing down. they weren't as bad as things are now, we still made love about twice a week, but by the time our second aniversary came to pass our sex life had sunk to where it is now.
As it stands since the new year began, my girlfriend and i have had sex only 4 times this year. There isn't anything physicaly wrong with either of us, we aren't old (we are both 23), she isn't on birth-control pills that might affect her hormones/mood (she isn't on the pill at all). we are both still in love with eachother and love doing things together, but there is NO fire in the bedroom anymore. We have tried things to add a little spice such as costumes, bondage, role-reversal, porn, and acting out different scenarios but those have only helped on those single night occasions.
My goal has been to have a some-what normal sex life with her a 1-3 times having sex a week relationship, i have discussed this with her for the past 2 years and she agree's but she says that its just too hard for her to "get in the mood". today marks the 44th consecutive day without sex since the last time we made love, if things don't change in the next 6 months, i don't think i can stay in this relationship. can anyone offer some advise?

[Westlight]

BUMB** Anyone have any advise, coments, suggestions... anything would be appreciated

[IndiReloaded]

When a girl becomes less sexually interested, look to her emotional needs not getting met.

Guys have sex to show their love, girls have sex because they *feel* love.

Hope this makes sense.

[lilly1185]

Indi is absolutely correct.

Do something lovey-dovey and sweep her off her feet. Then you'll become completely irresistible and she'll be unable to say no.

[bloodtippedrose]

I never feel like sex when Im mentally exhausted. When Im stressed about my job, money or school I dont want anything to do with sex. Maybe there is something she is stressed about or focused on.

[Westlight]

okay a quick update for everyone (i am still seeking advise if anyone has any to offer BTW) the day of the original posting i decided to take lilly1185's advise and plan a totaly romantic evening including her favorite homemade meal cooked by me (fettuccini alfredo and fresh veggies) followed by watching the new movie i bought for her while chowing down on some popcorn (the time travelers wife). when the credits started rolling i invited her to follow me back to the bedroom and gave her a wink, she said she would go out for a ciggarette and meet me back there so i plugged my ipod into the radio and put some music on to set the mood and waited in bed under the covers. An hour later i was trying to figure out why she hadn't come back to the bedroom yet so i ventured out into the living room in my birthday suit to "surprise" her and found her curled-up and sleeping on the couch with the TV remote in her hand.... i love her to death but i am at a loss for words on what direction i should take

[vashti]

I know it must seem to you like food and a movie make for foreplay, but they don't, at least not for females. You need to have intimate moments OUTSIDE of the bedroom before you have sex, and this doesn't mean a one-time event. You have to have good communication, laugh, play together, etc. before you attempt to hit her up for sex, and this needs to happen with regularity. This is what you did back when you began dating, isn't it? Did you keep these things up?

[SweetGurl21]

I give you points for the romantic gesture. But afterwards inviting her to the bedroom for sex, and saying that to her may off turned her off. I'm somewhat in the same situation but not as infrequent as you. Honestly, if you've been open with her about sex being an issue, or like you said the lack there of sex .... and then do something nice and at the end say "meet me in the bedroom" is a turnoff and makes some thing all you want is sex. She was probably just tired that night ... I think that because you said she was curled up on the couch asleep.

I agree with the above posters. BUT I don't think you should be doing nice romantic things for he to JUST get her to have sex with you .... do it becuase you love her and you want to ... don't expect anything in return or hint at it and IT will happen anyways. Now I'm not saying cater to her and forget about your needs.

Do you guys go on dates still?
Is it possible she's stressed about work, school, family or friends?

[gkbabes23]

Heres an idea... for my boyfriend I decided to do something cute for his birthday. I bought whipped cream, chocolate syrup, sprinkles, strawberries, anything of that sort. i put him on a little scavenger hunt from his work. told him to go to the bathroom, wash off lol and come in with nothing but a towel on. so he did. and i wasnt wearing anything, told him to lay down...i put a towel down so it wouldnt mess the sheets up. lol i had all the stuff hidden. blindfolded him and began "painting" with the desert. and i took it off with my mouth. of course after all that we had pretty amazing sex...

its just a thought, maybe it'd work for her. just dont give her any hints as to what your doing beforehand.

have you tried asking her what kind of stuff she likes you to do?

and i do agree that you shouldnt be doing this stuff just to have sex with her as well.
just try talking to her more about it.

[IndiReloaded]

I give you points for the romantic gesture. But afterwards inviting her to the bedroom for sex, and saying that to her may off turned her off.

Yep. She probably thought you only did it so you could get lucky. True, right?

Anyway, you shouldn't have left her and 'invited her to the bedroom', that could have come off as insulting. Like what you would demand of a call girl: "Come and service me!". LOL. Why didn't you just stay there and cuddle with her, start some foreplay right there? You sound a bit emotionally retarded to me, sorry.