Please, I need help. My girlfriend does not want to move forward with life?

[Avatarair]

Alright, so for a while my girlfriend hasn't seemed to have any real drive at all. I mean she did great in school and just finished her BA in Psychology, but she doesn't even like the subject. As we've become closer and closer, I've learned that she doesn't really like dealing with people at all, in general. It's frustrating for me, as both of us had pretty lonely childhoods, sitting and being alone for most of high school.

However, while I was always the flunk and failure, she's the one with the great grades and so many opportunities, but she doesn't care about any of them. At a 3.7 GPA, she picked her college simply because it was closest, and at 22 still doesn't show interest in driving a car or learning house hold stuff like doing her laundry or cooking (all of this falls on me, I don't resent her for it really but I'm concerned about it).

She doesn't seem to have any interest in a field, a career, or pursuing a degree in a better college (she could likely get a free ride to a more prestigious university if she tried with her GPA), but she doesn't care.

When I tried to ask her about this, she always pushed it off, as she never really liked talking about stuff like this despite my worrying and would shut me out if I tried. But tonight she started talking and I got a clear answer from her: "I don't want to move forward because it might get worse". I don't mean to imply that the current situation we're in is terrible, but it is pretty bad. Moreover, she resents never having a goal in her life.

I love her so much but I'm afraid that she's barely hanging on, and that the only way she can climb out of this is by both of us pulling ourselves up and reaching for something, but she doesn't have drive for anything at all. We're both massive gamers and I'm afraid that while we've both used them as a way to escape real life, I've become more engaged with life while she's steadily slipped away.

Is there anything I can do to bring her back? Anything? She won't talk to me about this, I know she won't. Not directly at least. I don't even think she respects me much anymore. But I can't stand by and watch her crumble like this.

[basilandthyme]

Avatarair, I'm sorry you're in this situation....it really sucks when someone we love won't help themselves. There are some things you can do to help. First up, you've got to start with some tough love.

1. you must stop enabling her behaviour. If she won't lift a finger to do laundry or cooking, she needs to go hungry or find there's no clean washing. Likewise, if she doesn't want to get a driver's licence, don't be her chauffer. At present, she won't bother changing these things because she doesn't need to.

2. get her to see a doctor. I suspect that she's suffering from clinical depression and could benefit from both medication and counselling. The doom and gloom outlook plus the lack of motivation are both signs of depression.

How do get her to see a doctor? Make it an expectation that if she wants to continue the relationship, she MUST seek help for herself. And frankly, if she won't help herself, you really are better off ending the relationship. Being with someone who'd depressed and refuses to address it will only drag you down.

[Enigmos]

Your love for her cannot fix any personal demons she has.

She needs to work on herself. I'm not sure you can motivate her to want to "do something" in her life, and if she "does something," could she resent you for pushing her in a direction? It sounds like she may need some professional help. It's up to you if you want to stick around to see if she decides to start treading on some path.

[michelle23]

I think you need to be firm and tell her this stops now. You are not cooking for her anymore or doing her laundry and your both cutting down your gaming to an hour a day or less. Its not healthy. Like any addiction it has sucked the life out of her. Stick to your guns no matter what. Also ask her to see a doctor for depression

As for her career. There is nothing you can do about that. Some people dont give a crap about working and only do it coz they have to to survive. Well except in this country where the government hand out money like its going out of fashion..

maybe if she stops gaming so much and sees a doctor it may motivate her in time but if you want a desperate housewife-youve got one right there.

If nothing changes soon-id leave. You cant help someone who wont help themselves

[fearoflove]

Omgosh, you need to leave these loser-girls and be with someone who actually have goals and have drive in life. This is depressing. You can't help her, she needs to help herself.

[4 ratties]

She needs to seek counseling and u both need to put the frickin gaming controller down and spend some real time together.
Get some fresh air

[pcmaster]

First of all show her example. You can help her only to a degree you can help yourself. Focusing purely on her will drown you in together with her.

Agree this sounds like clinical depression.Counselling and basicaly talking with someone few hours every day can help her explore herself. Counselor ussualy asks usefull questions like - Whats bothering, you what do you wana talk about, how do you feel about this, whats the problem, how are gona solve this, what are you gona do with your life, what you think will help, can you do this today, what are gona do today.

Life is easy when you plan it, when you live it, when you love people and talk with abosolutly everyone. Playing games soundslike escapism(you can google it). Maybe her life were never great but every time she tried to make it better it only got worse. So she kinda stoped dreaming and dont wana risk anymore. Then again maybe she havent spend much time in reality or once she does and things go wrong shes back to escapism when life needs her the most. Ofcourse first months facing the truth can be painful. But thats thehardest part. After that it gets better.

While its healthy to get away from problems sometimes(like once a week) theres better and less adictive ways besides gaming are out there. Like sports, church, nighclubs, popular events. Basicaly stuff where you can put yourslef out in social situations. Look at happy, sucsessfull people. What are they doing that you dont?

Basicaly games are built on little achievments and goals. Wanting better stuff takes more time and skill. In the same way one gets addicted to games its possible to become addicted to life. You start out with nothing but join or make a guild, have party to do more dificult things. The same apply in life. Its possible to have like minded people with same goals around you. Have a support system so when life knock you dont theres guys who lift you up again.Give something back. And realise - who not agaisnt you are with you.

We can not live without a dream.

Are you living your life video
youtube.com/watch?v=-hIKmczGsNk

[Boisdevie]

She won't deal with her problems and you've said she doesn't respect you. Well **** her then. Leave her - it'll make your life easier and you can then try to find a girlfriend who's less of a waste of space. You don't want to watch her go downhill - well it's not up to you to save her.