Breaking up and being friends

[obhwfgirl]

So about a month ago my boyfriend of 4 months and I broke up. He broke up with me, but I was anticipating it and sort of wanted to take some time off too. I wasn't ever angry at him for it, I was just angry with the circumstances. He had a lot of really bad luck come up over the course of our relationship and basically the stress became too much. He stopped caring about anything -- even the things he wanted the most and it's struck a huge blow to his ego. He gave me the cliche, it's not you, it's me and you deserve better, but I knew that he actually meant that because of everything that had happened.

Anyway, he also said that he still wanted to be friends. It wasn't just that comforting line either -- he said that he missed us talking all night and going out and grabbing coffee, that he missed us being friends. I assumed that the pressure of the relationship would be too much but since he still wanted to be friends, we could.

However, we stopped being friends. I tried to still hang out with him, but he kept blowing me off. I don't understand -- if he genuinely expressed that he wanted to be friends, then why would he just blow me off? I'm angry at him for giving me false hope or not being honest with me -- I'm the type of person that can handle "I'd like to be friends with you, but I need my space first." Plus, when we broke up, he said I was the most amazing girlfriend he's ever had.

Anyway, I want to talk to him, sit down like rational people and just get some answers. Like why we couldn't be friends or if there was other reasons we broke up. I don't think I ever got the answers I deserved. I think it's fair to ask someone that -- the point of failed relationships is to learn from them. Plus, I was more supportive of him during all this than anyone else in his life was without expecting much in return, is it fair of me to ask for something in return?

Is trying to talk to him a good idea? My friends say that he's in the past and there's no point, but, if possible, I'd still like to be friends with him because I miss that friendship -- not best friends, but it's the fact I can't talk to him or see him at all that's tough. We were best friends for a few months before we started dating. Should I wait longer? Or are my friends right -- should I just leave it behind me?

[mm4184]

i know how you feel.. he told me he doesn't want to completely lose me and still wants to be friends because we were best friends before.. but he knows that we need time apart without talking or seeing each other because we can't be friends if there's still feelings there.. so i know FOR ME it will take a lot longer. he even said i have to be fully healed and not expect that anything will happen in the future because then i really woulnd't be over him and would just be hoping for something..

so i suggest giving him the space and just moving on with your life.. and if you guys ever become friends, let him be the one to initiate it. don't chase anymore because it will only hurt you when he doesn't respond or give back the same feelings. if it's really meant that you guys be friends, it'll happen over time.. just don't hope for anything else so you don't feel let down. as hard as it is, just move on and maybe one day you'll realize you never needed him and maybe even find someone way better! and i need to take my own advice!

[RiceMuncher]

"I tried to still hang out with him, but he kept blowing me off."

I think maybe he just wants some space. From my own experience, it is probably because he started liking you again or 'feels' that YOU still like him and does not want to go any further so you dont get anymore hope.

Give him some time. You guys will be friends with each other once ALL of your past feelings are gone.

Goodluck

[survivor08]

I would cut off ties with him for now. Until time passes and you are over him completely. Then reanalize the situation and find time to talk or meet up at a future time. And see if you can ever become friends again. After your attachments are completely gone.

I made the mistake on "spending time" with my ex too soon after, a week after I moved. We would go to coffee, take her kid brothers to get ice cream, ect. Of course things would turn out ugly because she would try to talk to me about things in general and we would still be going thru the break up emotional cycle...
etc.

I just pushed her away more and killed any opportunity to getting her back in the near future...now i realized I must cut all ties for now....and try to move on and forget about her...

That may be the general concensus. Move on, forget about him for now...

[lastwish]

Exes can't be friends. Thats it.

[Cain]

Exes can't be friends. Thats it.

Not true. They can't be friends immediately, but they can be friends after time has passed depending on the break up.

[survivor08]

Not true. They can't be friends immediately, but they can be friends after time has passed depending on the break up.

I agree. After the storm there is the calm. Then you can be friends...

[kene]

I'm often so shocked at hearing how pathetic communicating a breakup can be.

If someone wants to talk to me, and I don't want to talk to them, I just simply, honestly, state the exact reasons.

I don't understand why people can treat each other so nice, let them into their hearts, and when they're out, not afford people basic respect.

It's wrong to blow people off IMO. If he needs more space he should say it, not just make excuse after excuse after excuse. So juvenile.