My problem, how to find someone? Advice required.

[Iceberg]

So, my problem is this. I'm 20 years old, i have never really had a girl friend, i can't talk to girls very good, i always turn bright red around them and get hot around the collar whenever i talk to one, even if i'm just training them on how to do something or giving them instructions.

I don't think i'm ugly, i'm not physically over or under the "average" weight or appearance, and i dont have the stereotypical "computer nerd" look to me. But, one of my problems is that being a computer nerd is my job. I work as a network administrator, basically my job involves maintaining and fixing anything with an electric wall plug at my place of work. Its not a very social job, and i'm not a very social person, but no matter how much money i make, what car i drive, how i dress, none of that matters, because i have no social skills.

There arn't that many girls around work my age, except for the occassional receptionists who work odd hours because they are still going to college, are very beautiful, who i'm sure already are married or have a boyfriend and hard for me to talk to because of that. The guys around there always introduce me to the new girls, but i always just get embarrased, say hello and run off.

I don't know what to do, how to cope with this, how to find someone, i really don't want to use some kind of internet site, just because it seems so fake and unreal, but i dont know. Can anyone help me out here, i just need ideas on how to get started, how to actually enjoy life the way everyone else does.
I don't want to end up being "the 40 year old virgin". Thanks.

[alice]

nice to have you here, ice. so now i won't end up being the only 40 year old virgin around. make the first move – i'm allowed to sit pretty and wait.

[Only-virgins]

Your face turns red? then sweat pours down the arm pits and it feels like your face is dingling? I had that. It has nothing to do with social skills and/or confidence. You know what it is? intimidation, You will probably want to disagree but that is what most of the time it is. Do you get like that around man? offcourse not, what you have to do is just treat girls like friends and forget the fact that they are potential dates, partners, whatever. I pretend that they are all under my intelligence level (that is not hard since they provide much evidence for it right when they open their mouths) and I feel like I can talk what ever the hell I want to talk. seriously, I think you just care to much. I know what you feel like, I work in a shop were there is no females at ALL, my social life is school but people just show up and leave, most of the time the great girls I find attractive and I like their personality are taken also. I really do not know what to tell you but somehow I doubt that "social skills" are required for to get girls at all at some point, just being nice is enough. By the way, try not to think about your looks so much, you said you dont look bad but thats thinking about it!, I fit the computer nerd profile(boy do I ever) and yet I just had a date were I could have been laid.

[Late_vamp]

well since you have bad social skills , i suggest you 1st start hanging out with the boys at work .... just listen to their stories or jokes once in a while , then start having conversations with them ... after a couple of weeks , you should have a decent idea of how to have succesful social skills . Then try to see if you can make more friends , not just workplace friends , but outside of work Or friend of a friend . Once you are able to hold a good conversation , start by talking to the girls at work ... as friends . Just be like ex: " Hey Suzan , how's everything going ? ... doing good ... " ... small chit chat... eventually you should grow your social skills enough so you can successfully date a decent woman .
your only 20 man ... your young ... you still got time to catch up .

[Prodigal]

Just begin talking to a bunch of people more. You're probably like that because you're scared about some potential relationship. You're wondering if you're making the right impression, etc. But I think the first thing is that you have to let yourself out... being afraid and intimidated cages your true self. I agree with late_vamp... your social skills only get better by talking with others. So do it... if they judge you, let it be. But at least you'll get yourself known... and your social skills will get better.

[doll69]

Stop assuming attractive girls are taken, that's a start.

I might get flamed for this, but if someone is taken and they gave me a chance, I'd still go for it. I don't believe in sticking to the same person just cos you happened to meet at the right place at the right time. I believe in keeping options open cos you never know what's out there. OK that was a lil off-topic, but yea.

Oh and I don't believe that social skills 'aren't important'. They are EXTREMELY important if you want to meet someone. The more people you know, the more people you're likely to meet. It's called networking. If you truly believe that it is part of your problem, then I would suggest you try reading some 'self-help' books on the topic, or joining similar workshops.

Good Luck!

[whaywardj]

The Internet is no less real than the fantasies most of us have about the people we get ourselves involved in.

[vashti]

I think you should develop some really interesting hobby that you can talk about instead of work. Sorry, but my experience with computer geeks is that they don't know how to talk about anything else, and many people simply aren't interested. Actually, being able to separate work from pleasure is important for everyone.

[dono]

Hey ice, you and I have a something in common. First of all, I am a Unix junkie, and work for a company as an Apple Certified Tech, and Unix Network programmer.

One thing we don't have in common is that most of the time, I'm pretty good with girls. 70% of my friends are girls (and no, im not gay) and so I've learned more so to just be yourself, just take a deep breath, and "chill out."

I'm tall, thin, and look like a nerd when I go to work, but as soon as work is out, I jump in my nice car and drive home for a change. That's right, I take my nerd costume off, and I put on my chill costume. A common misconception is that you are required to talk a lot, and "sound social" to be social. let me tell you that the smartest people out there are listeners, and it's easy to listen if there are women around simply because most women never shut up, lol.

My advice would be to just make some new friends, chill out, and have a good time. It's not a test, so don't stress. The point of it is to have fun, and if you can't have fun doing it, then why would you want to?

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#!/bin/sh
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[Lloyd95]

I jump in my nice car

What kind of car?

[dono]

Okay, I confess, it's just fast as hell, lol. It's a civic coupe with a K24a engine running 15lbs of turbo boost. I can run prretty easy 12's. Why do u ask?

[Lloyd95]

Okay, I confess, it's just fast as hell, lol. It's a civic coupe with a K24a engine running 15lbs of turbo boost. I can run prretty easy 12's. Why do u ask?

I like cars. I'm naturally aspirated, and run low 13's; about 5.0 0-60. I'd like to supercharge it soon. Oh, I'm in a BMW M coupe (not M3, M Coupe)

[dono]

Sweet, man. I wouldn't go supercharge, they are hard on engines, and you will actually lose horsepower... granted, you will gain more, but you still lose some. Go turbo, there's nothing like hearing a turbo spool up from 1K to 4K and then having it make some boost and throwing you back in your seat. That pared with the v-tec man... i can revv to 9's all day fine. Heh, vroom-vroom

[Kieran]

Tell her you are a level 20 Paladin and you want to put your staff in her cave...

you'll need at least 3400xp for this move and a golden battle sock.

Best of luck

[Lloyd95]

Sweet, man. I wouldn't go supercharge, they are hard on engines, and you will actually lose horsepower... granted, you will gain more, but you still lose some. Go turbo, there's nothing like hearing a turbo spool up from 1K to 4K and then having it make some boost and throwing you back in your seat. That pared with the v-tec man... i can revv to 9's all day fine. Heh, vroom-vroom

Honestly, the sound of the blow off valve really annoys me. I don't know why. I heard supercharging is easier on the engine; not as much hp gains as turbo though.